Wednesday, November 30


TWO COOKIE RECIPES ARE HERE! don't be discouraged by all the words before we get there....
good riddance to bad rubbish, neighbors-
that's what today is.
by midnight,
NO-thank-you-vember will finally be finished,
and not a moment too soon.
it's my least favorite one-
so much so that i'm generally suspicious of scorpios as a side-effect.
...and guys,
i'm no astrologist,
save for knowing that my sign has got to be the worst one,
largely i value free will over the aligned braille of ironically bright lights,
and the cosmic staccato sotto voce of morse coded manifestos
writing volumes of destiny in dead silent space,
all of which may determine the destiny of everybody,
specifically because of when they were born,
as in o'clock/day/month/year.
if that WERE true,
and there's a fatalist foretelling for my future as a frantic, forlorn factotum, forever?
then i guess i HAVE to do this,
and i'm supposed to feel like this,
and it's all really happening because nothing else could..
that's how that works.
F*ing gross)
i could just hate the sh!t out of the month of NO-way-jose-vember.
which i do.
the food, though.
like, the whole damned month of NO-me-gusta-vember,
all around the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
there's been some kind of super-turbo-elite culinary specters haunting my head
and guiding my hands.
i mean, really.
despite my disdain and despair over every other aspect
of the whole awful month of NO'body-loves-you-vember,
there's still some expert hottness permeating this kitchen...
...welling up from the ley lines that intersect along the peaks and valleys
of this mountainous forest realm;
beaming down from those interstellar editorial edicts in the sky;
creeping in from the foggy veil between awake and asleep
as every day dwindles into deeper, darker, colder,
and grimmer chapters of this grisly grimoire of secret universal plans.
i dunno if that's provably possible,
but whatever it is that's charged and enlarged this woodsly flippin' goodness
with gray, rainy, restless ruination and rough nights has also activated some
very tasty and super-delicious good ideas for baking and making in the hours
before anyone else wakes up.
i do my dirt all by my lonely, homies.
if you were an early riser and you somehow also got an invite,
and you were inclined to sleep over,
i bet you'd still snore away in while i got busy with my business before dawn.
that busy business has been good to me.
and i wanna show you something-
check the cocoa-coconut-type teleport:

chocolate coconut chocolate chip tahini cookies!
make 'em for yourself,
like this-
1 stick butterish
1 cup raw sugar
2 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 cup applesauce
1/2 cup tahini
1/3 cup cocoa
^stirred in thoroughly^
and added to-
2 cups a.p. flour
2 tsp baking kapowder
1/2 cup freshly-crushed unsweetened flake coconut
1 pkg mini dark chocolate chips
golf-ball sized blops, rolled out, pressed flattish,
and dropped in big shin, crystal decorative sexxxy sugar sprankles,
and baked for 13 minutes at 375F.
if you can't hang out with these, you're an A*-hole.
real talk.
a little minute ago,
i also made some gingerbread-style graham cookies for the kids.
have a look:

i'll admit,
the amateurish icing gave me a headache,
but they taste,m and the texture were freakin' awesome.
go ahead and make these, too:
1 stick of melted butts
1 cup light brown sugar
1/2 tsp salt
cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice
^squished together until smooth^
1/2 cup molasses
1 cup graham flour
1 cup all-purpz (a.p.) flour
1 tsp bakey kapowder
1 tsp bakey soda
1 tsp vanilla
3 crushed graham crax
pinch of cloves
1 1/2 tsp ginger
^ mix it up^
and then chill it out for about an hour-
at the post-60 min. mark, roll the dough on a floured surface,
and cut out some shapes, buddy. even number helps, if you're gonna stack 'em, y'feel me?
baked for 11 minutes at 380F.
and left to cool completely on arack, jack.
that's important.
especially when you consider that warm cookies ruin frosting.
which, speaking of-
i used maple-cider frosting in the middles.
that's butterish to powdered sugar at a ratio of 1:4?
4 T butts gets almost 2 cups of sugar-
plus a splish-spalsh of vanilla,
a tsp of maple syrup
and a steady drip of cider until the mixture is whisked into a fluffy explosion
of autumnal delights.
that brings us to the icing.
it was just sugar, vanilla, and soymilk.
but, apparently, it was just one drop too much wet.
it slid off the uneven surfaces,
and added just a touch more au naturel rustic imperfection than i'd have preferred.
the taste was affected not at all,
but i like my treats a little prettier these days.
the pink glitter sprankles helped.
so i guess there's that.
two kinds of cookies for you, right here.
i hope you like 'em.
i hope you make 'em.
so far., i haven't heard one review of anything i've given a recipe for.
am i surprised?
not really.
if you're anything like me,
(and i highly doubt that's the case)
you're off creating your own sh!t.
regardless, the information is here.
and in a very short time form now?
NO-more-vember will be a thing of the past.
i'm grateful for the muse of food in the humorless mess of a month.
i doubt it would've been nearly as tolerable without the treats;
never quiet, never soft.....

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