Sunday, November 13


so, dudes,
i'd like to briefly touch on a few things, right now,
straight from the jump-off:
* this year, i've posted more than ever before.
for real,
i've had more to say, and most of it about food,
than all my prior commentary on all the trying trials and triumphant trails
and tall-by-birth-but-not-exaggerated tales of truth,
of all the times leading up to this.
i'm pretty flipping serious about endeavoring, cleverly, to make sexxxy food,
all the time, at home, all by myself,
without cheerleaders or helpers or even companions to share it with.
on the ones,
i'm trying to do this sh!t like a mutha-'ucking expert.
it's a process, kids.
and it's time-consuming, and it requires attention and effort,
a whole lot of imagination, even more active participation,
and then, there's still the summoning of some lightning-striking
barbarically-bestowed spirit and memory from the future, the past, and my fingertips,
to get on here and give you guys the fully-collected, interconnected,
collated, and recollected real-life report of the accountable recounting of edible events.
it's kind of great that this one intensely inventive invective-laced aspect
of my prismatic multifaceted furious Folk Life has become a conduit from here to there.
wherever you are, i mean.
because, sh!t, man, otherwise, i'm a F*ing hermit.
* and yet, for all the food photography,
this is still just a personal platform to talk about things i care about-
that's why there's still the good and bad news from the woodsly goodness,
painstakingly, and perhaps just painfully, presented in broad strokes,
without naming names or assigning blames....
and also why the recipes have only recently been interjected into the stories.
it's evolution, bro.
this has become more of a food blog;
and that's not a bad thing.
as the rest of my life syncs up into an established routine
of responsible adulthood and non-stop work,
the meals that fuel all of that dolorous doo-doo buttery unfun
are certainly the brightest spots,
and that's for sure what i'd prefer to focus on.
* lastly,
but perhaps most appropriately to the body of text that follows-
i do.
a good crust will improve my mood, and enhance my whole damned day,
by an order of magnitude.
neighbors, i'm not afraid to rest my dough for a whole extra day, or two.
butters and creamchee' blops, well-chilled and happy,
help a steamy dreamboat of a flaky pastry powerhouse become a reality.
hold on to your heads, and check the teleport:

those are pastry-style cinnamon bun swirls for a crust!!!
i saw somebody else do their version of this,
and i believe they credited martha stewart's team of food stylists for it.
i don't exactly remember where i chanced upon it, or who was doing it,
so i apologize for the adaptive nibbles i've taken
on somebody else's big idea.
a good idea is a good idea, and far be it from me to miss out on some new hottness
just because i didn't think of it first.
real talk.
my pastry crust has been documented several times.
i'm not even gonna link to it.
if you're serious about elite pastry, you'll find it.
and if you're not prepared for two minutes of giving a sh!t,
you definitely don't deserve it.
i took a cup of brown sugar, a generous spritz of cinnamon,
a little nutmeg, ginger and allspice, seriously a dash of each,
and about half a stick-ish of vegan butter,
and made the cinnamon bun filling.
after i cut the bottom crust,
i rolled out, and trimmed a couple of rectangles from the remaining dough,
spread the filling, rolled it up, and refrigerated them,
wrapped in plastic, for about ten minutes or so.
how many locally-sourced gift apples did i use,
hand delivered by my dude thatcher, from his mom-in-laws orchard?
i used eight big ol' peeled, chopped, sugared, spiced, and  simmered apples.
what kind of apples are they?
that's all i know for certain.
i add a handful of old fashioned oats to the mix, just to soak up all the excess juice.
nobody want a wet and runny pie filling.
that's just sloppy.
here's my list of moves:
8 apples, peeled, cored, and chunked;
1/3 cup suga;
2 T lemon juice;
2 tsp vanill;
cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, ginger;
a dollop of real maple syrup;
1/3 cup old fashioned oats;
cooked over medium-low heat, until the apples are a blend of mash and chunk,
and they're soft, but not sauce.
i let it cool, because it'll eff up the bottom crust if you don't.
i sliced the swirls about 1/4", and layered them, in concentric circles,
overlapping like echoes of infinity, as i am inclined to do whenever possible-
i used the leftovers to cut out that autumnal foliage for trimming.
because too much is the right amount.
the whole thing got  baked up at 400F, for at least 20 minutes.
the rolls took longer,
but the results were elite, so i'm not complaining.
word up.
i don't wanna eat ugly food.
i don't necessarily wanna eat as much as i have been, either-
but when you've got treats this expert sitting right there,
practically daring you to terrorize half a pie before work?
what you do determines who you are.
turns out,
i'm a savage stormswept shark-glutton with poor impulse control around food.
and that's no joke.
whoever thought of the o.g. version of this jaun is ok in my book.
although, i'm willing to bet it wasn't vegan, and it wasn't decorated.
that's just it, kids-
sometimes, the cover version of the song is also good in it's own right,
specifically because of the nuances that make it original,
despite not being original.
i dunno.
but, i still want more pie.'s at work, though.
i might just head over there early for a slice.
i'm like that.
there's always a lot to be said,
time is of the essence,
and i've got work to do-
so the rest is going to have to wait;
never quiet, never soft.....

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