Tuesday, November 15


hey guys!
there's the fullest of moons outside my windows,
laser-beaming a big ol' batch of werewolf right through the glass,
and into the exposed scalp of my mangy muttlike balding head.
awwww, man.
i'm just sayin'-
the rays are really potent, and the effects are really obvious.
for real,
i've been outspoken, argumentative, cantankerous,
pugnacious, and largely besest-and-beseiged by bad moodiness
of the bad mooniest rising,
and the tidal waves of wolfman mayhem that crash on these metaphoric shores
like shipwrecks drawn in by false lights, blue, and round, and bright,
right above, but out of reach, of the safety and security of slumber.
you don't think that's real?
oh, ok.
i didn't realize you were an authority of diluted blood curses
from beyond the realm of men, behind the veil of mystery,
beneath the surface of superstition.
...my mistake.
it sure as heck feels like that's happening, though.
so, i'm gonna stick with that.
i mean, i'm not sleeping, and i'm not relaxing,
and i'm all fired up in all the worst ways.
on second thought,
maybe my lack of restful recharging was due to all the spicy fire
from my maximum effort mexican supermoon monday...
that's equally plausible, i s'pose.
on the ones,
i made some good stuff, and while it took a lot longer than i wanted to wait
for delicious dinner to be served up for my fat flippin' face,
the exxxtra effort was totally worth it.
check the echilada-boom-boom-type teleport:

beans, and seitan, and salsa, and sauce, and everything expert on one plate.
word up.
for serious,
my patented pico-tipo salsa fresca picante is what i want all the time.
it's what my co-workers love the most about me.
i make enough to share, because, despite my odious temperament,
i'm not actually an A*-hole.
gratitude and generosity are prime elements of worthy warrior poetry,
and i'm not about to start skipping steps after all this time.
i got this cool chopper-spinner-thingy forever ago,
and i use it for making my patently perfect chunky sexy salsa every time.
i'm sure you could do it some other way,
but over here?
rules is rules,
and we use these hand-cranked blades
to make the magic happen much more efficiently.
what's in that salsa?
well, you ca make it like this:
one small sweet onion;
half a jalapeno;
1/2 a cup of rainbow bell peppers (green is fine, too);
1 scallion;
a generous handful of cilantro;
2 big cloves of raw garlic;
4 roma tomatoes;
2 large tomatillos;
GPOP, (a hearty shake of each);
salt & pepper;
& the juice of one luscious lime.
chopped, combined, and allowed to simmer together for a spell.
neighbors, that's seriously all there is to it.
muy facil.
my refried game is pretty key, too.
i'm a thin fella, so i worry very little about fat in my foods.
that's no joke.
i want superlatively enormous flavor,
so i eff with oil and butterish pretty heavy in my 'hood.
the beans, albeit fat-free when i get 'em,
are activated with a gigante pat of butts, diced onion,
some chopped sweet and hot peppers, GPOP, and nootch,
all before the get one final pass with ho'sauce.
look, kids-
there's no correct measurement involved here.
i used half an onion, three miniature peppers, half a jalapeno,
a quarter of a poblano,
and i shook the sh!t outta that ho'saucy texas pete jaun until i was satisfied.
hopefully, you're self-aware enough to know what you like.
make it like you want it. that's my advice...
homemade seitan is dope.
homemade seitan asada,
with smoked paprika and cumin and oregano?
that's not just dope, it's flippin' expert.
here's the thing-
i needed seitan for my main event,
but i made more than i needed.
so, after i seasoned the seitan,
i took about a cup of it, added strips of onion and poblano pepper,
dashed it with a splash of soy and a drip of liquid smoke,
and then tossed in some broccolini,
which got steamably dreamy pretty dang quick in that extra liquid,
which was trapped by a lid on a pan on the stove in the kitchen in the Fortress
under the bright night light in the dark heart of the woodsly freakin' goodness.
it was so simple, but it tasted so big.
oh, yeah,
and i HAD to have those multigrain blue hexagon chips for dippin'.
i'm a sucker for superfancy unnecessary sh!t, bro.
they taste like hippies made corn chips.
i think that's what actually happened,
good job, hippies,
your corn chips taste just like we guessed they would.
i ate all of all of that.
and honestly,
that would have made a great meal on it's own,
too much is the right amount,
and it's all just a lead up to that large-and-in-charge bouble-barreled blast
of burly beany, cheesily chee'filled and power-packed enchilada hottness!!!!
no kidding.
flour tortillas,
a spreadable slap of cashew-garlic chee'
(1 block firm tofu, drained; 1 cup cashews, soaked; 1/3 cup nutritional yeast;
2 tsp each Garlic Powder & Onion Powder, 3 cloves browned garlic;
splash of soy sauce; 1 tsp ground mustard; 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper;
and olive oil for days to emulsify the whole thing in the food processor)
a dollop of those custom refrieds;
4-5 strips of that seitan we just discussed;
shredded baby spinach;
cilantro and scallion sprankles.
wrapped, rolled, and stacked in a brownie pan,
covered in gravy, for optimum steam-soaked fatty-boombattyism,
which is to say: MORE flavor, softer tortillas,
and that soft-style meltinyourmouthiness....
they get baked, covered in foil, for around half an hour,
at 350F,
and then, uncovered,
or actually more accurately, still covered, in sauce,
for another 'nother 15 minutes or so.
i made some ranchero sauce for the tops,
and it was delicious.
quartered orange little tomatoes,
crushed tomatoes, onion, garlic, peppers, cilantro, coriander, oregano,
a little broth, a lotta GPOP, black pepper, and ho'sauce....
i spread some underneath on the plate, as well.
i really like sauce.
it's good for you.
so, i had a super meal fro the super moon.
i think i made the right call,
despite eating at least an hour later than i'd have preferred.
the big deluxxxe is an investment of resources and attention.
the trick is to really savor the end result.
rush and hurry, be harried and hexed,
but make sure to take all the time you need to enjoy the finished product.
there's point in striving for the new hottness
if you can't professionally appreciate just how good you're getting
at what you've got going on.
it's all really happening.
dinner seems to be just what i needed.
that and sleep,
i know i can actually get some dinner;
never quiet, never soft.....

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