here's the thing:
you just want a chocolate creme pie.
don't you ever crave a smooth, silky, creamy dreamboat of cocoa
and sugar an' that?
and i'll tell you something else-
it's so simple to make, i'm surprised i don't eat one a week.
and while my waistline thanks me for abstaining
from a weekly supplement of soft tofu-based treats,
my mouth is more than a little angry that this one is already gone.
it goes down so easy, there's no way you can only have a little b!tch-A* slice.
moderate intake of this much hottness is just not a thing.
check it out,
and believe the hype:
what's in it?
the crust is a snap, a breeze, an easy-layup, a quick-fix fresh-to-death crumble;
and it goes a little something like this:
1 pkg graham crax
1 cup rolled oats
3 T sugar
food processer crush crumb crackled into pulverized chunks,
to which we add
4 T melted butts
1 T vanilla
and non-dairy milk, splash by splash, until the whole thing is sticky enough
to get pressed into a pie pan and hold it's own and also hold it's shape.
bake that baby-b!tch for about 11 minutes at 350F-ish,
and let it cool off on your counter while you prep the insides.
and those insides?
....not much more complicated.
a pkg 12oz of deep dark chocolate chips,
with a splash of non-dairy milk, (roughly 3 T)
a T of vanilla
a pinch of salt
and 1/4 cup of kapowdered sugs
all melted into a muddy mess of thick choco-blissfulness.
and added to a pkg (12oz) of pressed and drained silken tofu,
with 1/4 cup of cocoa thrown in, just to really overdo it.
i mean, if you're gonna get busy,
you may as well go whole-hog-boss-hog-mud-hog-wild.
blend all of that, the hot mud, the cool 'fu,
and pour it into the crust.
you're done. let it set for a few hours in the fridge,
and really, at that point,
if you're a basic waterbaby, it's ready to go.
if you're dope, and expert,
and about that active participatory overindulgent do-it-to-it-iveness?
well, then we've only just begun.
melted dark chocolate ganache glaze?
deep rich cocoa-by-eye frosting swirls?
that's the good-good sh!t.
and what about sprankles?
what are you?
some sort of an A*-hole?
too much is the right amount-
and that means i put the cookie crumble cranx on there, too.
rules is rules, kids.
THIS NEXT PART IS GROSS.
skip it if your sh!t is weak, bro.
i've been pulling out stitches,
and that's pretty awful.
normally, it isn't all that bad.
the rushed ruin of my sewn-up face seems to have absorbed a few of these threads,
and the deep interior lace-ups are tearing my mouth-meat into ribbons.
it's up to me to play doctor, and remove some of this worrisome wire
from the offending orifice, and maybe let these wounds heal like they're supposed to.
my car is gonna be gone for 2 1/2 weeks, at least.
which actually sucks.
i mean, if it was destroyed,
i could be in a NEW car today, if i needed to,
but instead, it's waiting and waiting and paying for a rental in the interim.
responsible adulthood means being accountable for the consequences
of old eyes and instant (bad) karma.
no fun, and no good, and no chance of an early reprieve.
i guess this is what's happening for now.
it's a total sloppy butthole.
and there's still so much more to come;
never quiet, never soft.....