Monday, February 6


the regionally-adored site-specific sports boys
won their big game last night.
that's probably great news, if you're somebody who likes that stuff.
i missed it.
on purpose.
after working all dang day,
i was kind of in the mood for something super...
it could've been a bowl,
or on a plate,
or even a platter, really...
i knew i'd be happy just so long as there was clear
superiority of purpose in place,
here's the thing-
i want to eat like i care about the superbowl,
without ever actually caring about the superbowl.
i mean,
c'mon, man.
i've got sh!t to do.
and last night,
what i HAD to do was veganize all of that super food.
holy crapola, i might've gone to eleven harder than ever!
too much is the right amount has never been a truer sentiment.
on the ones, i well and truly made it ALL.
i'm sort of proud of myself.
i got into as much of the spirit of the thing as i could,
and while it was solely in the realm of a gut-checking guerre d'gastronomique,
i feel like i participated pretty effing actively,
which was basically the whole damned point.
that's enough preamble-
check the super-duper-type teleport:

FAT FATTER FATTEST, all at once, right from the start.
y'know what's gross?
i was as alone at the table as i usually am,
but every last plate was picked clean as if i'd had help.
rules is rules, neighbors.
you don't stop when you're comfortably full.
no way.
that's babyish.
you stop when you're finished.
nobody likes a quitter.
get a little gander from a nother 'nother angle:

a quick pizza,
from an ever quicker dough,
prepped earlier in the pre-dawn a.m.
is how i began my process-
preheating the oven to 490F
and adjusting cooking times for everything accordingly.
and for realsies?
it was freakin' great pizza:

an-all day proof on the dough,
and a re-rise while the oven warmed up,
and that simple semi-semolina fast-actin' flour powered wheel
was ready to get topped.
as usual,
my homemade vegan sausages got pepperonified-
with a triple paprika blast, and smoke and soy to soak in;
and also as usual, it was expert.
caramelized onions are so good, i almost hate them.
because they don't necessarily go in all the foods, but they should.
....anyway, bruh,
i LOVE pizza.
the oven-temp establishing factor,
and also, my favorite.
i've been skipping the cashew-garlic tofu-type underchee' lately.
i guess i'm trying to perfect a more classic version these days.
(it's working)
chili-chee' fries????
check it out:

sweets and steaks are what's poppin'.
two kinds of 'tatoes, because MORE is better.
and that chili?
-diced onion, jalapeno, poblano, and macerated garlic, sauteed.
a cup of crushed tomatoes and a cup of rinsed red beans.
oregano, GPOP, cumin, coriander, cayenne, and thyme.
red wine vinegar, a splash of water, soy sauce (just a touch) salt and pepper.
^simple, effective, excellent.
it goes great with homemade vegan chee'-sauce.
...the only thing about these crispy lovelies?
they're heavy.
that's a detriment to motivated shark-gluttony for sure.
don't get me wrong, i muscled through the whole bowl,
and i enjoyed every last morsel,
but it definitely took a toll on my bellyhole with so much else awaiting me.
hard styles and self-inflicted tests of will, man.
i doo-doo that strangely competitive sh!t.
hot wings are an essential item on every super-sunday menu everywhere.
that's a thing.
i'd made those custom seitan nuggies the day prior for a reason.
it's all been building towards something good,
and yesterday was the culmination of my recent work.
check the teleport:

chicky-nuggie seitan hots on hots on hots!!!!
i made a triple-threat triumph of fried boomfire for my face!!
-thai sweet-and-sour chili-garlic jauns!!!
just like saturday, only a bit crispier, and bit better.
-nashville cayenne-garlic-oil hottz, with that pickle-brine-basted finisher,
and a few pickles to give it the ol' upgrade!!!
-classic buffz, with that buttery, veganaise-greasy, ho'saucy
homemade spicy tangulation we all know and love!!!
that's so much food.
but, of course, it's not quite everything, yet.
what else is there?
what else should there be?
you have an idea, i'll bet.
how about this:

daiya cheddar on corn tortilla chips,
with ho'sauce-activated, nootch-boosted refried furiosas,
and black olives, and red onions, and red beans, and fire-roasted green chilis,
and jalapenos, and tomatoes, and scallion and cilantro sprankles,
and a dollop of vegan sourcream, too.
my proprietary rainbow fiesta guacamole made an appearance, as well.
after all,
that's a gigantic staple in superbowl tradition.
i know this because the internet tells me a LOT of facts about guac consumption
on the day of that ridiculous spectacle.
you know my blend:
1/4  minced jalapeno;
2 T minced poblano;
1 each mini sweet bell red, orange, and yellow peps, minced.
1/4 cup finely diced red onion;
1/4 minced red chili;
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro;
2 T shredded scallion greens;
2 cloves crushed raw garlic;
3 fat, ripe, and ready avocados;
salt, pepper, GPOP, lemon AND lime juice.
it's dope.
and it's chunky.
and it's pretty.
i even used sweet potato tortilla crisps to further fancy it up.
i'm all about that life, bro.
good lord, i eat a lot.
i LOVE eating good food.
and i LOVE everything i made last night.
it's a little 'sgusting to shove all that down the hatch without any regard
for personal safety or conservative portioning.
and yeah,
being alone was sort of weird, too.
that's a ton of food to make just because there's an event you don't care for happening.
i guess i'm us sort of like that.
you want to know if that is a 17 oz virgil's gourmet
bavarian nutmeg lim' edi' root beer on the table?
you bet your butt it is.
what do you think i am?
an A*-hole?
i haven't been messing with soda for a bit,
on a night of supreme excess, i think it's only right.
while the rest of the country was crushing suds,
i was rooting for the only beer i recognize-
it's ok not to drink.
that's a fact.
and that's a defining characteristic of worthy warrior poetry:
a sound and sober mind and body, buddy.
that's my style, and that's what's up.
i did all of this.
i think it's my way of being connected to something?
from afar, of course.
i guess that's the path i'm on.
too much and not enough,
always and forever;
never quiet, never soft.....

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