Tuesday, February 28


i'm a sucker for too much eye makeup,
what can i say?
i saw a woman making this in the vice/munchies kitchen,
on a YouTube update on my phone,
and while my attention was divided between that and twenty other things,
i caught the broad strokes of what was going on,
and knew i had to give it a go.
homegirl had two plusses in her favor-
the eye makeup;
and being named farideh.
anybody with the same name as the main character
in one of my favorite dungeons&dragons novels is gonna get my vote
over somebody named steven or whatever.
that's the truth.
two things-
one: i totally read fantasy novels still.
that's essentially 30 years of being a F*ing nerd.
two: i think the name steven (or stephen, or even stefan) is funny.
i do not know how or why that happened.
ghormeh sabzi is pretty much wilted herbs.
that's the gist of it.
a full bunch of scallions,
a whole bunch of chopped cilantro,
and a big ol' bunch of chopped parsley.
those are the main green guts of the thing.
i bulked mine up with about a cup and a half
of some shredded spinach and arugula, as well.
i like leaves an' that, man.
olive oil, some simmering, and some GPOP,
followed by thyme, sumac, black pepper,
a cup of kidney beans,
and a cup of my handily-reserved seitan broth,
and that was basically done, man.
y'gotta give it a few tablespoons of lime juice,
and in the authentic lamb-and-gross version,
you use those dried-up black lime pompoms, too-
i just subbed in some lime slices, which tasted great.
i've never had real persian herb stew,
and i don't know any iranians in these white mouontains,
so i'm gonna have to just assume i did ok.
take a look:

the terracotta bowl is key.
not to the flavor, just to look sexxxy.
i saw it and knew i had to have it.
(i actually bought two, naturally)
i only wish my hurried harried life and my cantankerous hankering hunger
had been just a touch less than they were.
i might've taken a better picture.
as it was, it took a lot of restraint not to just munch it up, undocumented.
now, it also needed another non-legume protein.
that's mandatory, i guess.
that's fine with me,
after all, rules is rules,
and in this case, scissor-cut seitan chunks did the trick...
tossed in arrrowroot with thyme and turmeric and sumac.
i fried 'em up and they looked good from the jump-off:

they got combined with a small caramelized onion,
and added into the stew
it worked, neighbors.
it worked really really well.
i have to report that as delicious as it was,
i'll bet i still saved about a bowlful,
once my bellyhole couldn't hold a single bite more.
i know.
turns out, i can't eat as much as four people every day.
i blame that diced-tomato-stewed rice.
the stew needed it, but it took up so much potential stew-space in my body.

i didn't stop there, of course.
i may not have consumed a whole vat of stew,
and i may have left one of those initial four cups of rice,
but i still ate allllll the salad, bruh.
ummmm, c'mon.
cucumbers, exxxtra firm little tomatoes, curly parsley, and shallot,
tossed around with exxxtra-virgin olive oil?
so fresh and so clean!
too much is the right amount,
and i'll deduct points for not going to the hospital with a burst gut,
although i did eat much more tha most mere mortals could manage...
word up.
i missed something-
y'know how i eat a LOT of pizza?
i haven't stopped doing that either.
i had no time to tell y'all about it yesterday,
but i made another 'nother crispy-crusted cruncher on sunday.

simple simple simple.
crushed tomato sauce;
daiya mozzarella;
cilantro and jalapeno and parsley and red onion;
caramelized onion;
super-sweet crunchy corn;
freshie-fresh tomato;
fried garlic sprankles.
even when it's easy, it's still so expert.
that's all i have going for me these days.
sexxy food for unattractive people.
that's my style, kiddo-
stay ugly, stay dope.
one is unavoidable, the other is my choice.
it's all really happening,
and i'm making sure to get the maxxximum return on my investments-
everybody has to eat,
not everybody gets the same food;
never quiet, never soft.....

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