Wednesday, February 8


that's right, neighbors.
thank goodness for pizza.
without it, i'd probably be a heap of charred bone and ashes,
strewn among the remains of my self-immolated combustion
and the spread of scorched earth in a burnt-out world.
and there's no melodrama in that statement at all.
for realsies, though-
pizza saved the day.
and here's the thing-
it wasn't even my best work.
that's how powerful pizza's influence is in my life.
no pizza? no good.
alright pizza?ALL good.
great pizza? imperious, impervious, indomitable dopeness is assured.
this one was alright, but it righted the wrongs of a long day with the very first bite.
last night,
while the weather was busy being frightful-
with ice and snow and wind burying the woodsly goodness
in typically wintry day-off weather ruination....
and my dear, sweet, self-destructive dog was trying his best
to find poisonous elements to ingest,
and subsequently poop himself all the literal way to death,
failing that,
to be SO irritating that i'd murder him in a fit,
i had to do something to staunch the flow of venomous vitriol
welling up in my savage stormswept berserker barbarian battle-beastly body.
i mean,
pizza saved at least two lives last night.
these days i do what i can to keep steady as she goes.
nobody likes to be nearby to a tantrum.
when crabtree makes me curse his name,
not even one full day after my bold claims about previous pets-
and then,
in a patriots'-level comeback,
ma nature serves up another 'nother snow removal nightmare,
just in time to eff up my only day away from the studio?
an even keel is NOT what i feel is guiding me along the surging,
seething swells of my raging tsunami bloodflow....
i get a little bit of the grumps when things i can't affect
get stacked in layers of sh!ttiness, all at the same time.
real talk.
powerlessness is my least favorite sensation.
but what do we do about that?
there can only be one thing.
we take our frustrations to the streets,
and we take it over the top,
and then we put it in the oven.
wait. what?
you know what's up, man.
we fix the ills of our lives with pizza.
thank goodness.
check it:

i smashed together a very quick no-proof crust.
i'm not gonna give you a recipe.
it did it's job.
it tasted good.
(i doubled the yeast, to let that fermenty hottness get a little bit of a feature)
that's all i needed.
while that bulked a bit, and the oven got molto hot at 490F,
i got my ingredients together.
daiya mozzarella, and daiya cheddar chee's.
red bean chili from the superbowl 'party'.
diced red onion.
fire-roasted green chilis.
sweet baby bell peppers.
fried garlic sprankles.
(rule is rules)
and for the post-bake activation i did the thing we like.
that's right, kiddo-
scallions and cilantro in F*ing full, fresh effect!!!
one heavy pizza in my bellyhole,
and i was calmed, collected, and considerate again.
crabby still had to go out every hour, in the icy, stormy, wind and awful,
to expel his own awfulness everywhere,
but for the first five hours, pizza sustained me.
i gotta tell you guys the truth-
i can function on four hours of sleep for about one week straight.
three hours?
not in a row?
oh MAN.
even pizza can't control my frustrated hostilities at that point.
ol' diarrhea boy bore the brunt of harsh language and impatience from that point on.
poor guy.
he is the one who ate something dreaded and deadly,
beyond the regimented and regulated diet i provide-
and that's what destroyed his b-hole and my whole night.....
so, my sympathy is, as ever, absent,
especially as my tired ire is rising with the dawn's early, an' that.
and sh!t.
and snow.
and sleep.
no sleep, but plenty of all the rest, without rest.
hmmmm. is that a referendum on relative wickedness?
the sinful shall be tormented,they say.
it's gonna warm up, today.
that's cool.
i'm gonna make some real pizza dough today,
for the week ahead.
that's even cooler.
me and mr. doodiebutt are gonna try and bond out on the ice,
if he's gotta poop a lot anyway,
let's get the lil guy some exercise while he's at it.
after i shovel tons of slush and curse this crusted ice and snow,
i'll probably need even more sweaty endeavors to occupy my time, right?
what the heck is a day OFF?
it's time spent but not invested.
jeez, i'm no fun;
never quiet, never soft.....

No comments: