Friday, February 24


that's all it takes to make a good cake into a great one.
three apples.
i have this gadget that they call a 'salsa-maker',
which is really a hand-powered less-fancy food-processor.
it might even be an as-seen-on-TV-type thing.
i don't know for sure,
since i haven't seen anything on TV in a decade.
but anyway, i have it,
and what i lacks in elegance,
it more than makes up for with reliability.
no, for real.
it makes the same-sized roughly-hewn little bitty bitsies and pieces,
every single time,
and they never get too chopped, like the food processor can do
with just one extra press of the pulse button.
the apples though, neighbors.
peeled and cored and spun around a few times with those dramatic blades!
that's good stuff.
i needed them, my dudes.
i really did.
i wanted cake.
like, breakfast-style coffee-type stuff.
but, i also wanted something a little baby bit MORE.
...hence the apples.
check the teleport:

even when i'm deep into that breakfast time nicey-nice,
i'm still down to get into some scoopled up ice creamy goodness,
and then turn it up a little louder with homemade caramel.
you want to get into some of that apple coffee cake at your house?
here's the plan:
1 cup dark brown sugar;
1 stick (8T) vegan butts;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/2 tsp salt;
creamed, like always, and whisked up with
1 cup non-dairy yogurt;
3 crushed apples;
cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, ginger, cloves.
get all of that good and gloppity, together,
and stir in:
2 cups flour;
1/4 cup oat flour;
1/4 cup tapioca flour;
2 tsp bakey powder;
1 tsp bakey soda;
2-3 T non-dairy milk.
that's all there is to it.
it smells great, it looks great, it pretty much IS great....
but we're not finished yet, man,
if you aren't adding some sexxxy streusel, what the eff are you even doing?
don't be dumb.
streus' gives it the juice, despite it's relative dryness.
make streusel however you want,
but, for apple magical coffeecakey goodness like THIS?
here's the low-low on what's really good:
3 T vegan butter;
1/4 cup oats;
1/4 cup graham flour;
1/3 cup powdered sugar;
and a splash of vanilla.
cut that all together until it's crumbly, clumping together, and all kinds of pretty lookin'.
don't let it be too dry, and not too buttery.
you may have to add some of that butts, or flour, but that's more than ok,
because there's no such thing as too much streusel.
in fact,
too much is the right amount.
that's real.
i always grease and flour my pans.
i'm nervous like that.
in this instance i used a rectangular brownie-style jaun,
9" x 12", and i baked the batter, covered in streusel,
for about 30 minutes.
.....and it smells and tastes F*ing great!
the caramel?
it's just sugar and soymilk.
brown sugar, on medium heat, util it starts to dissolve,
plus splash after splash of soymilk until it's lookin' as light as you'd like.
don't let it burn, and don't stir it.
shake the pot, that's fine...
but go easy or you'll get grainy gross sauce,
instead of the gummy gooey goodness you're aiming for.
it needs to bubble for about ten minutes?
i dunno, for sure precisely.
how little help is that lack of info?
just let it do it's thing until it looks like it's supposed to.
word up.
hey, now-
there's all kinds of candy-making rules, with thermometers and that.
i don't know them,
and therefore, i'm not intentionally breaking them,
i'm just caramelizing on the fly.
i think that's the best course of action on this path i'm on.
after all, rules is rules, kids.
the only way not to get trapped in there is to deliberately avoid them.
i mean,
once you know, you're caught!.
apple coffee cake.
you need it in your life.
personally, i need a little more in my mouth.
i've got a lot of work to do.
the tattoo studio, where i spend most of my time,
is starting to really pick up the pace,
as poor people begin to get advances on their delayed returns.
i'm okay with that.
it isn't the most elite clientele coming through with unearned credit,
their income supplements are actually just my actual earned income.
...and i want it.
these movie checks aren't free, folks.
you think flour just shows up like i'm sponsored on the pro-team?
not yet, anyway.
so, in the meantime,
to finance all this fresh-to-death feasting,
i've gotta go to real work,
and touch people, with gloves on, thankfully, for hours on end,
almost every single day of the week.
there are grosser, worse things to do, by leaps and bounds-
i'm grateful for the time i have been given,
the opportunity to use skills over sweat,
creativity over calloused hands,
and real-time conversation over priority-action email alerts or whatever.
this Folk Life of mine requires certain allocations of resources,
and to get all of that, i've got to WORK.
that's what i do,
and that's where i'm headed,
day after day after day.
all work, and no play, keeps this blog full of recipes;
never quiet, never soft.....

No comments: