Saturday, February 25


hey guys!
it's the end of a winter vacation week in the woodsly goodness,
and boy oh boy are there ever a whole mess of folks really
showing off the general lack of adaptability that instantly infects
all of the social interactive functions that must somehow only exist
in the town where you actually live....
here's what i mean-
even though you may be buying groceries in a supermarket that is different
than the one back home,
it's not as if the basic principles of grocery shopping have drastically changed
because you're in a different geographic locale.
i'm sayin'.
you've been to a restaurant before.
you've driven on a road before.
why the heck do these dudes immediately become the montage scene
from any aliens-newly-come-o-earth movie the instant they cross into these mountains?
like wild apes who've us been given a prop-comic's trunk of toys to play with,
whole groups of full-sized presumably-employed seem as if they're
experiencing things like coffee shops and traffic signals for the very fist time.
could it be that this is where alien doppleganger body-snatchers
go to practice their human-mimicry whenever they land on earth,
slumming it as developmentally disadvantaged ski-bum dumdums??
i know how much i like to add twenty minutes to a fifteen minute drive,
just to get to work,
and then again just to get back home.
it's a minor inconvenience.
the born-and-bred population of the woodsly goodness, however,
preys upon these goofs like a desert sucks on a few raindrops.
the prevailing mindset of the untalented and unfortunate,
-i.e. the local labor force-
is that these stunted gawkers, one-purple-strip-of-haired 'fun-moms',
and their khaki-pantsed sports-hat dads are saviors to be revered,
in so much as they do amazing things for this area,
like buy sneakers, and eat hamburgers....
it hurts my valves and arteries to think that this whole region
relies so heavily on an influx of occasional income,
just to catch a week's worth of overtime.
all of that, every time, as i'm fuming in my car,
reminds me of how lucky lucky lucky i really am.
on the ones,
i am so grateful for the time i have been given,
and for the daily grind i'm on.
i work a lot,.
but holy sh!t,
i don't work like that.
tattooing for me is like a sharp-tongued sugar mama.
she takes such good care of me,
but somehow still makes me feel kind of bad about myself.
i'll fight through it, and keep it up,
because the alternatives are far too terrible to even consider.
i have some F*ing elite cookies to see me through the toughest spots
between there and back again.
i found vegan chocolate covered blueberries!
they smell like druid-summoned nature spirits,
and they taste twice that good.
now, what the heck would you say if they were to be coupled with coconut,
and oats?
i thought so too.
i made some gluten-free greatness,
and it changed the way i think about cookies for a minute or two.
they're expert.
that's a thing.
check the teleport:

gluten-free cookies don't have to suck.
well, yes, usually, they suck super hard.
but these sweeties rocked the party.
what's the secret?
beats me.
i think it could be the yogurt?
oh, yeah. we'll get into it,
and i'll give you the list-
1 cup coconut sugar;
1 stick vegan butterish;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 cup shredded medium-flake unsweetened unsulphured coconut;
1/2 tsp salt.
^moosh all that up evenly,
and whisk in 3 T coconut yogurt.
that stuff makes it stick together, and adds a little softness to the ensuing grits.
now we're getting somewhere-
1 cup brown rice flour;
1/2 cup ground oatmeal;
1/2 cup ground coconut;
1 tsp xantham gum, so they stay put;
1 tsp bakey powpow;
1 tsp bakey soda;
1 cup choco-bloob dope-doo-doo droplets.
pretty straightforward, huh?
it doesn't have to be an ordeal.
really, i have enough of one trying to get a coffee in the morning,
behind a line of enormous rovers and cruisers full of very blonde.
dead-coyote-ruffed coat-wearing lip-glossed milkshake-suckers.
...that's really the only level of frustration i'm currently prepared to tolerate.
golf-ball sized semi-flattened blops, baked at 375F, for 13 minutes per tray.
your whole world just got better, and that lady in front of you at the drive-thru?
she's just irritating, instead of excruciating,
because there's delicious cookies to munch up on,
while takes twenty sentences to describe the custom light-beige barely-coffee-ish
quart of questionable intellect and awareness.
if you can remember the litany of chemical compounds it takes to
request a toffee-caramel semi-soy half-almond steamed milk mocha-whip,
add sugar-free this, two pumps of vanilla that, so-and-so and so on,
but picking a line at the grocery store is havoc on your psyche?
then i should probably just bring a mug of homebrew to work with me,
and use the customer service line to check out.
solutions, bro,
i got 'em.
and powdered freeze-dried blueberries and powdered sugar, with vanilla and soymilk
made that icing for the tops.
melted chocolate, vanilla, and soymilk settled the score on the others.
exxxtras are great, man.
the terrible SUV lady, and her family know what's up.
it just sucks that they always leave one car length earlier than i do in the morning.
i'm too busy, perhaps,
or i am just being taught a little lesson every day.
that's cool.
i like learning.
and i like cookies.
looks like all of that is on the schedule for a bit;
never quiet, never soft.....

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