Monday, April 15


you know i have the skills to make an expert vegan chee'cake, right?
that's no joke.
i've got that gluten-free dairy-free strawberry magic,
straight from my oven, live and direct to my face!
look at this thing:

that's that multi-layer player right there.
a gluten-free vanilla cocon'oat almond crust to hold it tight,
a layer of o.g. vegan chee'cake, a layer of strawberry-laced chee',
and a layer of gooey strawberry jammie-jamboree jauns to keep it at eleven.
no, but, like, f'real though:

i mean, that's pretty sexxxy, right?
that's coconut whipped cream,
and freeze-dried ground strawberry sprankles, as well.
too much is the right amount.
so that's how it's got to be.
you want somethin' this amazing in you mouth?
i don't blame you.
here's how you can make one of your very own-
preheat your oven to 350℉.
get yourself a high-walled fluted tart pan. one of those with the slip-out bottom.
9" with the tall sides is what you want.
in your food processor, pulverize:
2/3 cup oats;
1/3 cup unsweetened dry coconut;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup sugar;
1/2 cup mama's almond flour blend;
5 T earth balance vegan butter;
2 T agave;
1/4 cup unsweetened coconut/almond blend s'milk. (or whatever kind you like better)
...pulse that up into a crOmbly dough, and evenly spread it out across that tart pan, man.
bake it for 15 or so minutes, and set it aside while you whip up the interior action.
in the same food processor,
1 1/2 tubs tofutti vegan creamchee';
1 tsp vanilla;
1/2 tsp lemon extract;
2 T lemon juice;
1/3 cup powdered sugar;
1/4 cup tapioca flour;
3 T non-GMO organic cornstarch;
1 pressed block of silken tofu.
pulp that into a smooth whipped paste,
and divide it in half.
add 2-3 T powdered ground freeze-dried strawberries to the 1/2 still in the food pro',
and whip it reaaaaaally well, so that you've got a luscious pink puree ready to go.
evenly spread it on the crust,
then add the plain white stuff over that, being careful to keep it in distinct layers-
you want it to LOOK dope and taste dope, obvi.
don't eff it up, so your eyes will light up when you cut into it.
for sure.
bake that on a stone, on the middle rack of your oven for 35-40 minutes,
or until it gets those pumpkin-pie cracks that let you know it's done-
let it cool an hour on the counter, and refrigerate it for at LEAST another 'nother hour-
i did mine overnight, just to be sure it was perfect.
that's when you hit it with the strawberry hottness from the future of good food, guys.
2 cups of sliced frozen strawberries;
3 T powdered sugar;
1 T maple syrup;
1 tsp vanilla;
2 T lemon juice;
1/4 tsp lemon extract;
2 T non-GMO organic cornstarch;
2 T powdered freeze-dried strawberries-
all that, whisked together in a small pot, and brought up to thickening boil,
then simmered for a short spell to keep it all cohesive-
that's expert af.
and on top of the 'cake?
it's righteous activation from april's most magnificent midsection.
and MORE powdery berry dust is great to have on hand,
because it upgrades the coconut cream,
and pretties up the plate.
no foolin', it has to look good or i'm not havin' it.
that's the truth.
i wasn't gonna make one.
but then again,
i can absolutely repurpose a tradition, right?
just because i'm not sharing it with the old crew of dudes i used to hang around with
doesn't mean i'm not out here with the skills and the know-how
and the elbow grease to create amazing vegan delights
for the new worthwhile and powerful people in my life.
so i did that, and on the day that i'm used to doing that, too.
making treats, celebrating, eating, being excited-
that's what i DO, dudes.
there's no good reason not to.
therefore, i've GOT to.
it's all really happening, and that's the whole point;
never quiet, never soft.....

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