Friday, June 16


let's discuss, dudes-
if you use a bread pan to bake a cake in,
or you use a cake pan to bake your bread...
what defines it as one or the other?
i mean,
banana bread is basically cake, right?
at the least, it's a big rectangle of muffin,
which in it's own right is essentially cake with fewer manners,
and less refinement.
here's the thing-
i thought i was making cake,
but i used a long weird springform pan to do it,
and the consistency of the finished product is definitely muffiny,
and decidedly unbreadlike,
which, i'm compelled to concede,
makes it more bread than cake,
but in the banana-style, and without any bananas in sight, or inside.
i had an idea, and i ran with it.
it turned out way prettier than it tastes,
although it does taste good.
next time, i think i'll adjust a few ingredients, and take it to the next level.
maybe YOU wold love it the way it is,
so let's have a look-see,
and then afterwards, i'll tell you how to make it yourself.
check the teleport:

that weird long pan is awesome.....and not just weird.
it's fall-apart moist.
it's sweet, but also sort of adult-tasting. i think that's the graham flour.
it's got the textures sorted out. that's real.
the unsweetened flake coconut, and those freeze-dried bloobs took care of that.
like i said, i had an idea,
and i worked it out while i listened to some catchy, but super-dumb hip-hop,
where some very southern rappers said some very clever, but very dumb rap things.
hey, neighbors,
don't listen to a soundtrack that resonates like your last love-
that's the past, and that's not good for making treats.
on the ones,
get you some tunes that sound like your next love-
the big bouncin' rebound breakbeat bump-and-grind bass-boosted big action.
that's what's good for the bakery times.
real talk.
......shoutouts to hoes.
oh, c'mon.
i got the cakebread poppin',
and here's how it happened:
 preheat your oven 350℉. (i also had it on convection, which is the best, if you've got it)
in a medium bowl, smoosh together:
1 stick earth balance butts;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla;
1/3 cup organic sugar;
1/3 cup raw sugar;
1/3 cup brown sugar;
(honestly, 1 cup of dark brown sugar is so much easier,
i just used up the last of my stuff, but if you're exxxtra, go the exxxtra mile, man)
add in 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce;
3/4 cup unsweetened medium flake coconut;
and 1/4 cup tapioca.
whisk that up,
and add in the dryness:
1 cup a.p. flour;
1 cup graham flour;
1 tsp bakey soda;
2 tsp baking kapowder;
1 cup freeze dried bloobs (so it doesn't get toooooo wet)
and then the last wet splash:
1 cup nondairy milk-
stir it up, get everything all mushed into batter.
add it to a greased pan-
and here, if you've got a weird breadform, that's the one you want,
if not, just go with the feelin'- you could even use a pyrex for a more traditional bread.
no matter what, bake it for at least 35minutes,
but very possibly as many as 50.
ovens are tricky, but if you put a pick in the center and remove it clean, it's ready.
do not ice it yet.
let it cool.
but when it is?
give it some sugar, baby.
i put the pulverized bloobs to it, and got that sexxxy stuff for mine.
it's powdered sugar and powdered freezieblueberries and vanilla and s'milk.
also, it's expert, and purple.
and then, well, you know what happens next-
coconut sprankles.
rules is rules.
.....what would i change about it?
i'd back off the graham flour, maybe,
and i'd maybe use my trusty stand mixer to make it fluffier.
the thing of it is, it's already pretty good.
i'm just hard to satisfy,
because i know i can make it better, bigger, fancier, and MORE.
too much is the right amount...
and while i'm pursuing that forever,
i'm content never.
yes, it's hard style,
but it's the closest to the path being the goal i'm likely to ever get.
it's friday.
that's cool.
i've got a typically full day ahead of me,
and that's something.
am i ready for it? not especially.
there's complicated tattoo action on the schedule,
naturally, it's huge, it's tricky, it's not pre-drawn,
and just to kick the last leg out before it even gets started?'s on a dude.
and after i almost certainly fall behind on that geometric/celtic/tribal blackwork,
a whole mess of messy messes trickle down the day's doings immediately after, too.
never being satisfied isn't just for cake baking, bro.
i AM grateful that my job is to hang out and draw, for money.
but that's just it-
if i wasn't being paid, i would never ever ever ever draw 90% of this stuff.
shouts out to art mercenaries.
there's sure to be much much more of that in the coming months.
summer is our time to work.
the rest of y'all may be on vacation,
but i work harder during, and miss more of,
the sweet spot of summery sexxxiness.
it's all really happening,
and while summer isn't official until wednesday,
the chase is already underway;
never quiet, never soft.....

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