Friday, June 9


there's nothing fun about funfetti.
and while i may be pro confetti,
i am certainly anti fun.
awwww, man.
alas, that's a thing, and all the 'fetti in the world won't change it.
i DO love sprankles, tho.
that's no joke.
i LOOOOVE 'em.
over at the tattzap studio where i span most of my time,
cake has been a huge crowd favorite among the clients and coworkers
who happily help themselves to the spread i have laid out on the treats table.
and that's kinda the point, right? be psyched about treats.
and of course,
the majority are the most excited to eat the things that are the most familiar.
in this case, ALL the cakes.
hey, who am i to complain that they like what they like, y'know?
i mean, sure, the scones might get a little stale 
while big fat blops of frosting are all getting scoopled up and shoveled into faces.
that's cool.
instead of lamenting the lack of sophistication in the woodsly realm i dwell within,
i'm over here trying to activate the very best cake that i can imagine.
i think that's a worthy investment of my time and energy and ingredients.
and i've been makin' 'em single layers.
i have.
i LIKE single layers, because it's easier to eat a short fat slice,
and i do love 'em short and fat.
the vanilla cake quest is still happening,
and i think i'm definitely on the right track:
right, dudes?
another 'nother moist and rich, thick and sweet sexxxy slab of baked greatness.
pretty damned cute, too.
here's that recipe again:
preheat your oven to 350℉;
in the bowl of your mandatory stand mixer, add:
1 cup sugar;
1 stick (8T) vegan butts;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla;
^whisk that up, and add:
3/4 cup nondairy yogurt;
1/4 cup tapioca;
gently whip that in, and get the party started with:
2 cups +  a.p. flour (i just slightly heaped my cupfuls);
2 T organic cornstarch;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 cup non-dairy milk.
^whip it up all fluffy and sh!t,
and you've got something to talk about.
in a greased and floured springform pan (my favorite)
bake that baby until the center is cooked-through.
somewhere between 35-45 minutes.
cool it off, flip  it over, and forst it however you deem necessary.
i went after it with the spranks.
that's as close to putting the fun to my 'fetti as i am likely to get.
there are multiple rainbow stars, dashes and dots on there, though.
because rules is rules,
and if one kind of frosting is good, two is clearly better;
if one kind of sprankle is cute, then three have got be adorable.
too much is the right amount, kiddo.
believe in it, and you will be rewarded.........with MORE.
i think i'm losing it.
take one of that cakey photoshoot was a complete copycat ripoff of a whole other photo.
i mean, yeah, it was a ripoff of one of my photos, but still.
what an unoriginal jerk i almost was.
and look:

what an A*-hole.
where's the crunch, man?
i used to be cool, but, not as much, and not as often, anymore.
you'd think i'd remember the exact details of the thousands of photos i take, right?
these were only like a week or less apart. 
i must be falling apart.
that's comforting.
i could use a little reconstruction, i s'pose,
just not of the crime scene where cake got cut up.
i have a style, it turns out.
and here i thought that was not a thing.
well, besides repping a hard style.
that's a real thing, most assuredly.
i have my tablescape situation regimented.
it's an impossibly small space, but it has undeniably dope light,
and i feel like it dictates the way i display my wares.
i need to get more creative- 
that's what i've been sayin' for weeks now.
it's easy to say.
it's a real sunovab!tch to just activate on demand, however.
it's happening.
this is What Is, and this is what's currently underway.
it's not glamorous, but it is pretty tasty, i'll grant that much, at least;
never quiet, never soft.....

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