Monday, June 19


oven roasting makes them expert.
that's right.
oven roasting is the key.....
oh, hey dudes,
do you have any idea what i'm talking about?
oh, ok.
i'm talking about homefried potatoes.
more specifically,
red-skins-on butter-fried homeboy fries.
those are the ones.
and the key to expertizing them is to pre-roast the spud hunks prior to the big action.
i'll crank my oven up to 400℉,
drizzles those jauns with a little olive oil,
salt and pepper 'em,
and just let 'em come up to temp along with the oven.
oh! how i do so love a good golden crisp-up on my 'tatoes.
it's a super-fast slow roast, kinda-
letting the temperature just rise up from the jump-off....
who has time for preheating?
not me, not when it's potato time.
and potatoes for breakfast are very necessary.
in fact,
the overwhelming majority of potatoes consumed in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress
are done so before noon.
that's prime potato time.
here's the thing,
it's never just potatoes.
no way.
y'want them to be dope, but they can't be all you want,
because too much is the right amount-
too many potatoes is still JUST potatoes.
...and that's why i made myself an entire father's day nutrient-explosion!

the pre-roasty potatoes were sizzled up with onion and crumbled tempeh.
griddle-browned tempeh bits added a whole other 'nother level of new hottness to the mix.
and with smoked paprika and regular-A* paprika doing dounle duty to add some color,
and GPOP, a huge patty-pat of earth balance butterish goodness,
and a dash of parsley to flavor it up,
i had myself a side order of effing awesome....
a little arugula to freak it off at the end, and i was in heaven.
real talk.
they're so simple to make, a recipe would almost be lame.
use the force, neighbors, and the potatoes will homeboy fry themselves.
how about that scrambo?
i really have been on a tofu kick lately.
it's got all the stuff you think you want.
sauteed onions, sweet red pepper, poblano pepper and garlic-
black mutha-effing beans.
turmeric, and GPOP, and nootch, plus a dash of coriander,
a touch of cumin, and lots of black pepper,
all fried up in olive oil, until the tofu hit that sweet spot-
soft, but firm, but juicy, but not wet, and crumbly but not crumby.
it's all just about throwing the right combination of stuff in a pan, man.
and i doo-doo that freaky sh!t.
besides, nate was still around, and i couldn't drop anything less
than the super-science on his face.
rules is rules,
and i have a reputation to uphold.
and then there's those panniecakes.
i mean, for really real,
my pancake game is futuristic,
that's no joke.
i don't usually mess with freeforms, either.
if yo've got pancake-shaping technology at hand, you should get into it.
i think that they might actually taste better when they're in shapes.
you DO see that my two favorite vegetarian monsters are in that fat stack, right?
triceratops AND hippopotamus?
F* yes!
i got the hearts and the circles and the animals,
and that was 100% good, and 111% delicious.
you know i rocked out with real new hampshire maple syrup too.
new england has a limited quantity of specialty sauce.
it actually has a limited quantity of everything.
so when the gettin' is good, you gotta GET IT.
deep in the heart of the woodsly goodsness, that locally crafted syrup is where it's AT.
i love it.
and i love big breakfasts,
and i love pancakes any time of day.
coconut oatmeal magic, with vegan sour cream activation,
AND bananas,
AND sugared strawberries?!?!?!
too much IS all i'm interested in.
1 cup a.p. flour;
1/3 cup coarse oat flour;
1/3 cup coarse fresh-ground unsweetened coconut meal;
dash of salt;
3-4 T sugar;
2 tsp bakey powder'
1 tsp bakey soda;
3-4 T vegan sour cream;
1 1/2 cup non-daity milk;
1 1/2 tsp vanilla;
3-4 T melted earth balance.
^ whisk it, rest it an hour,
and make sure you keep your skillet or griddle at medium high heat.
don't be in a hurry,
and don't flip too early.
those are amateur moves, and that's not invited to pancake hour, buddy.
make yourself a decent breakfast, once a week.
that's essential to reaffirm your self-worth.
i don't mean that spiritually.
not even one eentsy tiny little bit.
but, practically, it's a smart move-
if you can't nourish yourself like a champion,
you can't tap into that champion-level power, man.
use your head, and make some damned pancakes.
do it,
and see what happens.
i'm confident you'll thank me for the suggestion.
dogs are pretty dumb.
even the smart ones.
and crabtree isn't one of the smart ones.
for example-
last night while he stomped around in the garden,
he stepped on, and got bopped in the nose by, a startled little something or other.
i watched instinct evolve in an instant, too.
he traversed the spectrum of emotion
from surprise to curiosity to delight to destruction in seconds.
and then, despite me pushing and pulling him away from whatever it was,
he caught hold of it, and just ate it to sh!t.......
that sucks.
i found the remains of the little critter in the walkway this morning.
turns out it was an adorable little toad,
and i'm sad he's gone.
in a force-balancing comeuppance of equilibrium,
the dumb dog half-poisoned himself on toad pee.
he was a sloppy-headed vision-quester for the rest of the evening.
dripping and drooling and wagging his tail at the shamanic sights
blurring out from behind his beady triangular eyes.
even when it loses, nature wins.
that's a thing.
in truth, that's my fear-
that my instincts go from surprise to curiosity to delight to destruction,
and that the infinite nature of my battle-beastly baby boy-o is identical to my own.
i s'pose the secret is not to act in the moment.
no kidding.
i don't wanna be the happy harbinger of hard styles, guys,
but at the same time,
i definitely don't wanna be the toad, either.
there's got to be other tiers in this hierarchy.
i guess that's the thing-
i'm questing for that extra-omega-level otherness.
it's out there, somewhere, beyond the toad-killer dogs and the toxic-pee-pee defenses.
when i discover what and where it is,
i'll be sure to leave you a map, so you can come with.
...if you so desire;
never quiet, never soft.....

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