Saturday, June 17


i'm reppin' cake for life, son.
that's real talk.
here's what i want from a cake:
sweetness without being cloying.
thickness without being heavy.
moisture but not rawness.
i want that somewhat spongy, semi-fudge, pudding-in-the-mix-type sh!t.
i know you do.
because that's what good cake has going for it.
and when i'm going after that perfect cake,
i'm going after it hard,
eyes on the prize,
hands holding on tight to the spatula,
with the oven preheated and the stand mixer whipping around like a dervish.
wordimus prime,
i've got no time for box mix b!tches.
no way.
i'm too busy with my from-scratch blast-off batch of burly cake-assault and chocolate battery.
...that's a thing.
i went after that cake scene, again.
and i made it better than last time, again.
rules is rules, man,
and we don't want it to only be as tasty as last time.
that's obsolete previous-level technology,
and i do believe you're with me on some other other fast-forward fresh-baked futuristic jauns.
am i right to think that?
i hope so.
i don't want yesteryear's best- i tomorrow's greatest hits.
and that would be better served with company to corroborate the  cake crescendo.
it's not enough for me to say it's the next level,
you've gotta taste it to believe it.
and hey,
maybe you're not about that visitation scene.
that's cool.
check the chocolate-cake-type teleport:

i got you, b.
without further preamble,
here's how you too can get super-deluxxxe chocolate cake activation
from the relative comfort of your own home:
preheat your oven to 350℉, on the convection setting if you're fancy,
or 360℉ if you're not.
in you handy stand mixer;
or, not quite as awesomely, your electric mixer;
or worse, your hand mixer;
or, if you are legitimately amish, or just plain hate yourself,
your pastry cutter and wire whisk-
whip the ever-lovin' livin' sticks out of:
1 cup organic sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
1/4 cup brown sugar;
1 stick softened vegan butter;
2 T vegan creamchee'.
combine that thoroughly,
and then add:
3/4 cup non-dairy yogurt;
2 tsp vanilla;
1/3 cup tapioca;
1/3 cup cocoa;
3 T ground dark chocolate.
that'll make a  sloppy wet fudgy paste when it gets spun round in the bowl-
that's good.
now add:
2 1/4 cups flour;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 cup+ non-dairy milk.
aaaaaaaand whip it GOOD, neighbors.
when it's aerated as heck, and looks light,and fluffy,
spoon it over into your greased and floured non-stick-style 9" springform,
y'gotta bake it about 35 minutes, maybe more,
especially if the air isn't circulating in your low-quality ovenpiece.
it's ok. i believe in you.
and when it's done, and there're a few cracks in the top,
take it out and let it cool.
my frosting game remains the greatest variable.
this chocolate stuff was perfect though.
3 cups powdered sugar, plus a tiny salt pinch, 1 tsp vanilla, a stick of butterish,
1/3 cup cocoa, and roughly 1/3 cup of s'milk, added in small splashes.
it suuuuuuuuuuuucks if you make it too wet.
be careful.
and those mini chocolate chips?
that's some serious chocolate assault, son.
you know i didn't leave it alone.
i mean. c'mon-
too much is the right amount.
i gotta live by the code, bro.
so there's shaved 70% cacao dark chocolate bar sprankles up on there, too.
make a cake so expert it doesn't NEED frosting.
a well-made slice should be able to stand on it's own merit,
just by virtue of it's crumb.
and then add all that jazziness anyway.
that's the way of the future.
i have a temporary houseguest.
my friend nate,
who is also a tattooer,
is here to help out at white mountain tattoo this weekend.
should be loads of fun,
hanging out with my homeboy,
talkin' sh!t and makin' art.
i hope the weather and the clients cooperate with that sentiment.
i should've cooked us some radical vegan eats,
but i didn't.
we had pizza take-away last night with dennis.
and all of that was pretty right on.
here's the thing-.
i've got great big fat plans on my platter this morning,
and i have to say, it's heavy stuff.
i slept about seven seconds last night,
tossing back and forth,
and turning the sheets and my thoughts over and over
until the time i thought i'd had to recharge was replaced by the dawn's earliest lights,
and the restful slumbering i should've gotten had slipped away.
anticipating the next step in the plan
is apparently a whole lot more taxing than i'd like to show outwardly.
i guess that's just the thing, friends.
it's all really happening, one way or the other.
and like it or not, when it's time to make moves,
it's TIME to make MOVES.
it all starts today.
that's no joke.
from here, it's kind of race-
except it's not one you can win.
it's either the one you lose,
or it's the one you forever run and run and run-
i should probably do some stretches before i leave the house;
never  quiet, never soft.....

No comments: