Wednesday, June 28


mamas little baby loves it, bro.
shortnin' bread.
what even is that?
probably not the same as shortbread, y'think?
i dunno.
i have that terrible little jingly jingle in my head,
but only because yesterday's big breakfast action was sort of similar to shortbread.
at least,
it was a buttery, sweet, crumbly kind of a biscuit cookie thing,
and it reminded me of those shorties.
but, like, not just tasty cookiebread-
it was activated with ALL the fresh little blueberries i could get my hands on.
they were rolled up inside, and that made everything pretty dang expert.
y'wanna see?

the fruit was elevated to eleven with powdered sugar, and vanilla.
and then upgraded even MORE with lemon juice, lemon extract, and lemon zest.
word up.
that's one and half cups of mini mainey bloobers,
with 1 T of lemon juice, 2 tsp lemon zest, 1/2 tsp lemon extract,
and then 1 tsp vanilla, mixed in and simmered a spell with 1/2 cup powdered sugar.
i let that cool off while i made the magic dough in a medium sized bowl.
here's how it happened:
2 1/2 cups flour;
1 stick (8T) earth balance buttery goodness;
3 T vegan creamchee' (tofutti by the tofu prince);
1/2 tsp salt;
1/3 cup raw big-crystal sugar;
2 tsp bakey pow;
1 tsp bakey so';
1/4 cup tapioca flour;
stir and chop all that fat and flour together,
and then make it worth a sh!t by adding:
3/4 cup non-dairy yogurt;
2 T lemon juice;
1 tsp lemon zest.
knead and fold and turn and fold and knead,
over and over,
until you've got a sticky sloppy thick and heavy dough.
press and ply and roll it flat, in a rectangle, about 1/2-3/4" thick,
and then, -and this is key-
add the blueberries,
but only AFTER draining off all the excess simmer-sauce.
save that stuff. you'll need it.
roll it up in a swirl, and chill it for a few.
cut out some fat stacks, about 1" or more thick,
(i got eleven)
and lay them sexier side UP, and freeze them while the oven preheats to 405℉.
bake those bad and boujee babies for twenty two minutes,
and let 'em cool off.
they'll be golden, they'll be flaky, they'll be dope as heck,
and once they aren't so hot,
you get to glaze 'em, broski.
that's right, neighbors,
some of that bloob sauce you saved gets added to a cup of powdered sugar,
until it's icing consistency.
you know what to do from there don'tcha?
effin' right.
strippler drizzlin' is what's the haps around these parts.
get on it, and you'll probably be glad you did.
but only if you like awesome stuff.
if you're an A*-hole, you should probably not make this.
my time has been completely consumed by decision making.
that's probably a good thing because that implies decisive action as well-
holy smokes is it tiresome.
this summer is in full swing so hard.
it's practically the fourth of july again already,
and that's sort of a big deal, right?
i mean, exxxplosions in the sky, and all-american potbellied gawkers on every corner?
who doesn't love that sort of thing?
that means that i need to occupy even  MORE time with even MORE activity,
all while the gettin' is good and the livin' is large and in charge.
it's all still happening, really,
and i'm ready to work harder, live harder, and die harder than ever before.
lord only knows i've got that john mcclane hairline already.
it'll grayer and goner by fall, i guarantee you that.
in the meantime,
there's too much work to do,
and i'm wondering how much IS the right amount;
never quiet, never soft.....

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