Tuesday, June 20


i've got two hands way way up,
for maxxxiuum-impact high fives,
to anybody who loves strawberries and chocolate at the same time.
that's real;
and that's because that combo is too damned dope to ignore.
strawberries are out and about in full-force,
and while i like to taste those little wild alpine baby-droplets
of native berry cuteness while i'm walking with crabtree,
through the fields and vales of the woodsly goodness they inhabit;
it's those big, fat heart-shaped superblarps that give me the feels
whenever i'm passing by their display at the grocer.
i bought some for pancakes the other day,
but i kept the rest in reserve for a big ol' burly buttery pastry tart.
no jokes.
i like to have some piecrustable dough at the ready, always,
just in case a ghostly galette creeps up on me, and needs to become corporeal.
if i've got berries AND dough?
this is what happens:

check out that fattie-boombattie barbarian braid action-
that's the lightning-striking viking stuff that dreams are made of.
hearts and stars and braids, they fade away......
oh, c'mon.
the best part about that beauty?
it took like twenty minutes to make!
add on another 'nother 20 minutes to bake,
and in under an hour,
i had my whole house smelling like a french romance,
sans fromage and hairy pits, obvi.
neither of those things hang out here.
melted dark chocolate, with a splash of soymilk to emulsify it,
spread heavily on the bottom of that pleated piecrust was a great idea.
i barely melted it, so it wasn't too wet,
and it wasn't too hot,
but it was still too dope!
and then, a pint and a half+ of strawberries, dusted with sugar,
and fanned out over all that chocoliciousness.
a little more sugar.
seriously, we're talking a few spoonfuls.
chocolate is sweet, strawberries are sweet,
and the sugar is just there to turn it up a little louder.
these things are hard to write out recipes for.
i mean, sure, i could just estimate what's in there,
but, what i like most about simple pastry treats like this
is that you ca just sort of throw everything in there until it feels done.
that's a thing.
a fat handful of chocolate chips and some vanilla,
a little soymilk, and low heat in a small pot.....BOOM!
that's black-bottom chocolate.
sliced strawberries, in whatever amount is on hand,
determines how thickly the center is gonna get stacked up.
and when it comes to the crust,
i'll go ahead and give you the recipe for that again,
because it's F*ing expert.
in your muhfuggin' food processor, combine:
2+ cups a.p. flour;
3-4 T sugar;
10 T vegan butter;
3-4 T vegan creamchee';
2 tsp vanilla;
pinch of salt;
very cold non-dairy milk, added a tablespoon at a time,
and pulsed until the whole thing is a crumbly mass that sticks together when pressed.
wrap it in plastic, refrigerate it for at least an hour,
but preferably overnight,
roll it out, cut it up, put it together, ill it up, and bake it at 400+℉,
for 20-30 minutes, depending on youropven and your preferred level of golden browning.
wordimus prime, kids, that's all there is to it.
it's easy!
when it was cool enough to cut into,
i did one other thing first-
bro, rules is rules,
and i'm not tryin' not to have sprankles.
shaved dark chocolate truffle, all over everything.
heck yeah!
they took the whole experience to eleven.
...and once again,
just look at those forged dwarven barbarian braids.
they're just so THIQQQ!
the day started with elite pie.
that's a great way to kick things off.
a very long (24 hour) bulk, and longer (24 hour) cold proof,
had me baking the sourest dough yet!
i love a good sourdough in the morning.
i've got a really crusty, really righteous high-gluten white loaf poppin', too.
i eat a lot of bread.
i'd probably eat even more if i was around longer while it was hot.
that's the truth.
hot fresh homemade sourdough bread is the cure for what ails you.
especially if the ailment is sadness over not eating hot fresh homemade sourdough bread.
the light failed early, under foggy-bottomed heavy clouds, and driving rains.
for realsies, i wasn't even trying to make dinner in sh!tty light.
no way.
i thought about a little pasta salad, but then i thought again.
it has to happen sooner than later.
i mean,
you guys know that rainbow magical macaroni, italian-style dressing,
and all the colors of veggies are exxxactly how summer should start.
and tomorrow is summer, officially.
oh, yes, it is obviously supposed to be terribly wet, and dark, and doo-doo buttery,
it will be grayish and lame for longer than every other day this year.
i guess that's something.
good bread, pretty pasta, long nights, hard times, and everything else in between.
it's all really happening, and it's all about to engage in a crucial summer.
i'm ready.
i hope y'all're ready too-
because whether or not you're prepared,
it's coming down fast;
never quiet, never soft.....

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