Sunday, June 18


cookies that you cook?
cooking cookies is a nice idea.
gives legitimacy to the name,
even if that's only the case in the least number of practical instances...
if we'd started calling them bakeys instead,
we all would've sounded SO lame
cookies are always invited.
and the cookies i'm consuming at the moment are VIP backstage all-access jauns.
they're so flippin' tasty, they get special privileges.
that's right-
the no-bake glory is in no way to be underestimated.
....100% truth.
i mean,
they've for realsies got ALL the awesome bits,
and they're all going off, all at once, in the same time and space.
that's pretty effin' expert of you ask me.
and i like to moosh the batter into candy molds,
and form up some super-elite cuties, to boot.
kyootness counts exxxtra, kids.
check the teleport:

word up.
and, like, on some real talk-
when you make 'em smaller and sweeter,
you will eat way MORE in one shot than if they were regular size.
that's good news, because MORE is what we need.
making them was a *snap*, too.
let me just pause, and say, with conviction,
that putting an all-star hotlist mixtape of ingredients together,
for a super-official supergroup superset of cookie exxxplosivity was a GREAT idea.
here's how you too can keep it molto real, in your own homes:
in a small pot, on medium heat,
1 cup sugar;
1/2 cup non-dairy butter;
1/2 cup peanut butter;
4 T cocoa;
pinch of salt;
1/2 cup+ no-dairy milk;
melt it, bring it to a bubbly boil, for exxxactly one and a half minutes,
and add it to:
3 cups quick oats;
+ handful of manly oats;
1 cup unsweetened medium flake coconut;
1/3 cup chocolate chips;
1 tsp vanilla;
^stir it together, let it get cool enough not to burn you hands when you handle it,
and drop it like it's heavy as hell on a cookie sheet,
if you're exxxtra superfancy, and luxurious, and adorable,
put it into candy shapes,
or muffin tins, of maybe even cookie cutters on waxed paper,
and let it all set up.
you'll get those amazing little delights,
and you won't be sorry,
and if you're inclined to share them,
nobody will care that they're vegan,
but everybody will like you a little bit MORE.
mmmmmmmmmmmmm. last thing-
if you're serious about being expert,
and you also truly believe that too much is the right amount,
you've gotta hit 'em with powdery sugary sprankles at the end.
anything less is bullsh!t.
that's IT.
for the last two nights, in a row,
my dirty dog has kept me up,
with whining and whingeing and general F*ery,
without anything nearly resembling a streak of consecutive restful minutes to speak of.
damn, bro.
i'm actually tired, and that's not awesome.
for real-
i'm the type to get a bit grumpy with less than four hours,
and i don't really think i'm being unreasonable when i say that
being prepared to powernap for half the ordinary human average
is NOT a selfish expectation......
crabtree is just excited that nate is here,
and he's showing off, and acting up,
and bad-guy dad is putting him in check.
it's no fun being the boss, because you're always the fun police.
luckily, and unluckily,
fortunately, and unfortunately,
i don't give any sh!ts about fun.
not one bit.
so, there's still order to be maintained, even if sleep is not riding shotgun.
rules is rules,
even when we have company.
there's a decent level of ruffian recalcitrance,
rowdy resistance,
and roughhouse rebuttal that follows.
it's a real brouhaha over here at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
but it's also the most multi-tasked interactive participation i've had at hand
in a good long span of time.
i presume foreshadowing is the name of the game,
and i accept the terms and conditions;
never quiet, never soft.....

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