Friday, May 19


eating breakfast is good.
i mean,
after you've reluctantly dome a little sleeping, 
which is a whole span of time where no eating is happening,
you've been missing out on,
and you've gotta make up for it.
and then, boom, just like that, breakfast shows up,
right on time, to start the day with something expert.
at least,
that's how it goes here at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress, anyway.
y'all might be effin'  around with smoothie bowls, or cereal bowls,
but me? i'm reppin' cake for brekkie.
i have a thing i like to do.
it's no big deal or anything.
i just like to get up and get after it and make something super-elite
to stuff into the hungry hole in my head.
sure, i could've just had a pancake.
in fact,
that's a pretty good idea.
panniecakes are also awesome.
but i chose cake.
a big fat burly slice of especially hearty hottness,
homemade, and made with love, 
all just because i indulge my compulsive infinite nature
with flour and fruit and everything nice like sugar and spice.
cake, man.
that's a thing.
check the apple-blueberry-type teleport:
or lunch or snacktime or dinner or dessert...
anytime is a good time to tune up a slice of cake.
i had mine activated with a few fresh fixin's, too.
after all,
if cake is great to start the day with,
then cake taken to eleven has to be even better.
a la mode!!!
a scoople of coconut vanilla nice cream,
and a drizzle of homemade blueberry syrup?!
heck yes.
too much is the right amount!
the driz' is super easy-
a tablespoon of blueberry jam, 
a teaspoon of agave,
a splash of water,
and some heat, to liquify the lumps, and make it pourable.
it'll thicken quickly when it's away from heat, 
so be ready to eat fast.
as a matter of fact,
always be ready to eat fast.
it's good to be prepared for a flash-feeding-frenzy, just in case you find yourself
in a pop-up smorgasbord someday....
you wouldn't want to be the weakest shark in the berserker binge, wouldja?
cake, tho.
here's what i did to make it happen:
preheat your oven to ≅360℉.

in a large mixing bowl, combine
1 cup brown sugar;
1 stick (8T) vegan butter; 
2 tsp vanilla;
1/2 tsp salt.
(by now, you'll have noticed that this is the golden combination.
the beginnings of almost everything expert include that mystical mixture)
stir in:
3/4 cup non-dairy yogurt,
and add 3 medium apples, peeled, cored, and minced.
now, for all the dry stuff:
2 1/4 cups a.p. flour;
2 tsp cinnamon;
1/2 tsp ginger;
2 tsp bakey powpow;
1 tsp bakey soda;
and to fully develop a batter, you'll need that liquid-
3/4 cup non-dairy 'milk, plus 1 T lemon juice-
fold all that into a batter,
and add it to your greased and floured pan.
if i was doing this again,
i'd use a brownie pan, for a more even baking result.
i gave it well over 45 minutes, before it settled dow enough to call done.
had it been shallower, i assume it'd behave more like a cake,
and less like a wet A*hole.
you've been warned.
because too much IS the right amount,
i  added a cup of frozen wild maine bloobs to the top.
in a rectangle, it'd stay pretty tight,
but in a circle,
they sort of sank into the center, dragging out the baking process for ages.
womp womp.
there's streusel on top.
i mean,
it's a brown sugary breakfast bomb after all,
and rules is rules, man.
that's 1/3 cup powdered sugar;
1/3 cup butter;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 tsp cinnamon;
1/2 cup oatflour;
3 T cup a.p. flour,
cut and cut and cut again, 
until everything was a stuck-together streus', 
crOmbled on top for the win.
so that's stacks on stacks on stacks,
baked and ready,
crusty along the outer rim, soft and berryful in tthe middle,
and sugarcookieish on top.
what could be better than that first thing in the morning?
...don't be dumb, duder.
now, it's friday again, somehow.
time travel seems to keep getting faster, 
like internet connections did in the early 00's.
you wanna know what's on mind?
what the F* is for dinner?
that's first and foremost in my thoughts.
how the heck am i gonna ge away from all these bad bad biting black flies,
and sucky mosquitoes?
i looked like i was doing a manic edm dance, 
trying to swat and confound those starved little A*-holes.
they must be hella hungry after sleeping all year,
because normally, they'd eat almost anything BUT me. 
crabtree was unmolested by their pincers and pokers, 
i s'pose if i bear the brunt and he escapes unscathed,
i can live with that.
i love my dog a whole lot-
and for all the haters out there who didn't think i was even capable 
of such large-capacity devotion to another living being,
let me be the first one to take umbrage,
and also the one to retort out loud-
i hope your cat gets AIDS.
...but, for real, tho, bye bye dumb cats.
i know, that's a terrible sentiment for a vegan, right/
cats are the worst.
i don't even care about ALL dogs.
i can't hang out with most of them, 
just like i can't hang out with most folks.
interestingly enough,
i ignore the dogs there are the most of,
much the same as i blur and erase the memory of the most common people.
jeez, that's some sh!t, huh?
i've always been, and will likely always be, something of an elitist.
i like what i like, and everything else can choke on a cherry pit.
that said,
i have a boundless limitless heart of (quick)silver and (fool's)gold
that i give to people and places that deserve it.
and also to some terrible ladies.
it turns out superficial shallowness begets big probsies on the back end.
you'd think i'd learn after all these years,
but, that's not how it works, is it?
you choose the wrench;
and other times,
the wrench chooses you.
shoutouts to being the chosen one, time and again,
and also, shouts to my dog, for getting chosen,
and repaying me with countless hours of family togetherness.
i'm grateful for his lack of thumbs, lest he open the door and run away forever.
the wrench, brother.
it always finds a way to turn;
never quiet, never soft.....

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