Saturday, May 27


plain ol' vanilla cupcakes.
with plain ol' vanilla frosting.
.....and a few sprankles and drizzles, too.
i mean,
c'mon, man.
rules is rules.
and you can't expect me to limp around all weak and watery
when i've got ganache and a grater at hand, y'feel me?
vanilla vanilla and more vanilla is still the essence of the thing.
because i know kids.
and a vanilla cupcake is gonna get them psyched each and every time.
....and it did,
and we were,
and it all really happened.
and for the record,
the non-stop deluge that's been falling down on these white mountains
has affected my internet connection severely and negatively.
the future is SO inconvenient.
that's a cool thing that happens in the remote reaches of woodsly goodness.
it's not that i don't want to write about all the things that've happened,
it's that they're all just floating around in an electronically-activated ethereal fugue.
so just be patient, friends.
and i'll tell all y'all all about all the treats and eats
and actions and events of the last few days.......eventually.
i made cupcakes for my roadtrip to connecticut.
and half of them were munched up by the bevvy of b!tches that work for my sister.
i'm a sucker for a sassy slice in molto mascara, what can i say?
they ask, i answer,
and before i can realize that i'm still and always a shallow sucker,
i look around and suddenly i've got 50% less cupcakes.
if you ask me for a cupcake, and i've got one,
there's a decent chance you can have one.
take a good look at 'em, so you'll know to ask next time:

i tried a new super-concentrated small-batch approach,
and i think i like it.
wanna know what's poppin' in those tasty pieces?
you do?!
it goes a little somethin' like this:
preheat the oven to 350∘F.
in your stand mixer (c'mon, by now you know you need one) combine:
1 stick plant-based butterish;
1 cup sugar;
2 tsp vanilla;
1/2 tsp salt;
-whisk in 3/4 cup vanilla non-dairy yogurt;
thoroughly aerate that sh!t on high speed-
then sift in:
1/4 cup tapioca starch;
3 T powdered sugar;
2 T organic cornstarch;
2 tsp baking powpow;
1 tsp baking soda;
2 1/4 cups white flour;
1 tsp ground vanilla bean.
and pour into the mixer, as it spins around on low-low:
3/4 cup + 1 T non-dairy milk.
whip all that up into a super-fluffy batter,
and fill a dozen of so cuppy-cakey papers halfway,
until you're all out.
i got 14 this time, and i could've maybe gotten 16, but i overfilled a few-
instinctively, i am compelled to overdo it, because
too much is the right amount.
that is etched into my psyche,
and it pushes and prods my actions to excess,
always,  forever, and for ever.
but, meanwhile,
you've gotta bake those babies for 30ish minutes, or until theyre golden and good-lookin'.
you know what a cupcake should look like, man.
when they do, they're done.
cool 'em off completely,
and frost those little effers right up.
3 cups kapowpowdered sugar;
1 stick vegan butts;
1 tsp vanilla;
scant 1/3 cup non-dairy milk.
^ whipped and whipped and whipped until it's turbo-light and bright white.
and with melted dark chocolate drizzle,
and a big ol' goobieblop swirl on top,
with those shaved darky-darkness-style chocolate bar sprankles?!?!

the flowers are from the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
strawberry, rhododendron, and phlox.
i got those bloomin' like crazy right now
in fact, i need to mow the lawn, too.
somehow, it found a way to scraggle on up,
through the heavy blanket of wet, matted oak leaves
that've been tryin' to keep it down and out all year thus far.
i mean,
it's only been warm a total of two days the whole year,
and that's no joke.
and what about more rain?
oh, yes, indeed.
it's on the way, to make more wet, more mud, less light, more grey,
and worse photos of food for you to look at.
     dear weather,
              way to to ruin another 'nother week's worth of days.
              it's not cool, buddy. feel free to knock it off any time now.
                                                                        your pal,
...oh, don't worry, duders-
nature wins.
every time.
she's just making a point of flexing and stuntin' on us.
way to go.
the connectivity of this computer is limited;
the router is on a semi-permanent detour;
looks like it's time to get into some outdoor activities,
like, soggy-bottomed yard maintenance,
and drip-drop-top dog walking through the lyme-infested
metaphoric lemons that life seems to hand out as door prizes up here.
it's all really happening,
and it's all soaked through to the bone;
never quiet, never soft.....

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