Monday, May 22


it's good.
the thing is, i'm a sensitive and delicately-calibrated man.
and coffee doesn't integrate well into that combination .
sometimes, though, when the mood strikes me just right,
i still eff around and activate some super-charged boomfire,
in the form of a caffeinated baked treat.
i like the delicious flavor of a good strong cup of joe.
and decaf doesn't taste the same.
that's real.
i'd love a righteous mug of the really real deal,
it's just that the slightest sip will send me soaring straight up
to the stratospheric outskirts of the firmament's farthest flung reaches,
vibrating at a frequency even dogs and bats can't decipher.
i'm no fun to be around when there's coffee in my system.
louder, fresher, faster, and harder are all i have to offer under those conditions.
it's one of the perils of clean livin', really-
everything dirty shows up like a spotlight is shining on it.
and yet,
here we are,
with a big fat coffee brownie, covered in all kinds of coffee and chocolate,
because rules is rules-
and if there's a wrench to choose?
........i'm gonna.
check the high-test-turbo-type teleport:

that's blanka's electricity, buddy.
because the voltage from the aftereffects of this sweet brown baby is preposterous.
there's chocolate ganache on top!
that's 1/4 cup dark chocolate;
3 T nondairy 'milk;
1 tsp vanilla;
3 T powdered sugar;
and on top of that?
chocolate-covered espresso beans!!!
really, how could that even get better?
oh. right.
there are also mini baby chocolate chip sprankles!!!
that sound good?
i hope so, because they're on there already.
so, are we done yet?
too much is the right amount, man.
get with it.
chocolate frosting is also in F*ing full effect!
is that it?
bro, do you even have eyes?
okay, well then, do they work?
obviously, there's one more thing, to get it TILTY,
and turn the tastes up  to eleven-
that's that espresso icing drizzle jaun!!!
1 tsp espresso, reserved from the cake making,
plus 4 T powdered sugar;
and a few drops of vanilla and coffee extracts!
here's the thing.....
all of that is on TOP of a brutally burly coffee brownie circle.
and that's a monstrous undertaking in it's own right.
in a mixing bowl, like always, combine and cream together:
1/2 cup sugar;
1/2 cup big raw sugar crystals
1/2 tsp salt;
1 stick (8T) vegan butter;
2 tsp vanilla'
1/2 tsp coffee extract;
3 T instant coffee granules.
once thoroughly blended, fold in:
3/4 cup non-dairy yogurt (that's yoghurt outside the u.s.)
sift in:
2 cups flour + 3 T flour:
+ 2 T cornstarch;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1/2 cup strong espresso, brewed and cooled;
1/4 cup 'milk..l.
mix it by hand, with a spatula, or spoon, until it's one cohesive batter,
and add that to a brownie pan,
in this case, a 9" springform pan, greased and lightly floured,
and bake it at 365℉ for 30-40 minutes,
checking for doneness every two minutes after 30.
don't ice it while it's warm, either.
that's a surefire recipe for doo-doo buttery runoff,
and nobody likes a 'rrhea-looking frost-job.
that's no joke.
i had another 'nother 17 dumplings for supper last night.
first, i did seven smaller tattoos, in a row, on a whole dayful of folks
who i think might've had a good time.
i can never tell.
my investment in their feelings is subordinate to my interest in doing a good job,
and meeting my quota for filibustering blustery monologues.
that's not even a little bit false.
and then i got a haircut,
which is always a bummer.
no foolin',
when the hair i have left has to be lessened in any capacity,
it's just insult on top of misfortune.
but, i look less like i live on a bench, now,
with some topiary grooming to my dome in effect.
so, i got home a little late,
i got into a dumpling groove,
and i used the last of the filling up, down to the last morsels.
i'm not trying to be fat,.
but i'm not trying to eat less awesome stuff, either.
moderation is not my area of expertise.
i do what i do because i can't imagine doing something else.
i've got bad hair, sore fingers, short time, and too many dumplings.
that's what life looks like these days;
never quiet, never soft.....

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