Friday, May 19


dinnertime, tho.
i'm serious.
you've got to rep dinnertime hard.
i thought i might have company.
....but i was mistaken.
i thought that i'd take it easy, instead.
...but i was mistaken.
see, here's the thing-
on wednesday, i prepped for success.
i made two types of fresh and flavorful fillings,
to stuff in some powerful pinched pouches,
and produce the super-elite expert excellence that i've come to expect
from my custom often-emulated super-offical molto-popular dumplings.
dumplings are the TRUTH, son,.
real talk.
a big bowl of hot dumps is the source of much sorcery in this place.
i mean it.
dumplings are good.
super good.
turbo good,
and when you've got two types?!
F* yeah! that's twice as much awesome,
and cause for celebration,
even if you're eating solo.
(because that means the same number of dumps, divided by less mouths)
check the teleport:

potstickers in full effect,
red oil jauns in even fuller effect,
three sauces,
and a little salad to keep it fresh.
yup yup YUP:
too much is the right amount.
there were even more dumplestiltskins than pictured.
all told, i had like twenty-something, straight to the dome.
the red oil jauns were simple...
a cup and a half of sesame oil-seared minced seitan,
with two cloves of crushed garlic,
splashed with a tablespoonful of soy sauce,
a little bit of GPOP and ginger,
and a 1/4 cup chopped scallion added at the end
all that, folded and tucked in a simple dough, bro.
2/3 cup flour;
3 T warm water;
a dash of pink salt;
(add more water or flour to make a soft ball of pliable goodness,
roll out, cut out all the 3.5" circles, (about 8)
and fill 'em up with that tasty business.
fold, tuck, and join the edges,
so you've got sexxxy little dumpy balls to work with with.
give 'em a little minute to set,
and boil 'em in salty water until they float.
the red oil is good for you, too.
3 T garlic oil;
1/2 tsp cayenne;
1/2 tsp hot paprika;
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes;
11 turns of the sriracha flake grinder;
and i even made a bit MORE, with cayenne ho'sauce,
for MORE bumbum BOOMfire on the side, just in case
(and i used it, of course)
garnished with just a few sprigs of cilantro,
to make it pretty, and activate a little bit of cool in among that much hot fire.
and those sesame potstickers?!
that's the big action every damned time.
first off, that dough had it poppin'-
i regularly eff up the dry/wet ratio,
and fix it in post-production-
i started with 1 cup o' flour;
added a dash of salt;
(skipped the rice flour, just because the light was failing, and time was of the essence,
although it's more absorptive, and would've probably saved time in the long run)
1 T black'n'white sesame sossamons;
1/3 cup warm water.
was it too wet?
so did i add more flour?
dude, c'mon...
all told,
i went heavy on the rolling surface,
and had about 1 1/4 cups flour IN the dough, too.
i cut out like 18 fat dump wraps, lookin' thiqqq AF,
and put some of that new-new in each and every one-
that's right.
the tofu oracle from the future had me on some other otherness, and it was DOPE.
1/2+ block exxtra-firm tofu, drained, and cubed all sorts of tiny-like;
2 cloves crushed garlic;
1/4 cup finely chopped onion;
2 T sesame seed sossamons;
4 T minced yellow carrot;
4 T minced peeled celeriac;
8 shredded medium sized brussels sprouts;
2 T sesame oil + 2 T veg oil for pan frying,
GPOP, ginger, coriander, and dried mustard,
a dash of rice wine vinegar to get things wilty,
and 2 T tamari to give it the nice.
like i told you, i prepped it i advance, so it was cool,
and marinated, and ready to go, bro.
so good.
each pouch was tucked up tight, and pinched together with a sweet crimp
that absolutely dissolved under the rigors of a blast of heady-lidded steam/fry up action.
happily, their taste was completely unaffected.
pan fried for a minute in HOT sesame oil,
then blasted with a few tablespoons of seitan broth,
covered, and cooked until the juice evaporated, was absorbed, or whatever....
then, flipped over and given a sear-up on the sides, too!
you gotta get that good-good finish to 'em,
or you're missing out on an opportunity to get molto expert in only an extra minute more.
do that, dudes, it's worth it.
and that sauce?
2 T tamari;
1/2 tsp sesame oil;
black pepper;
1 tsp agave;
2 T rice wine vinegar;
1/2 tsp dried mustard;
1/4 tsp ginger;
2 tsp scallions;
1/4 tsp toasted sesame seeds;
100% pure expertism.
get on it.
and that wasn't the only sauce, either.
i mean, i told you about red oil redux,
but how about that smoky soy/sriracha/sesame sh!t?!?!
that's riiiiiiiight.
too much is the right amount.
how many times do i have to remind you?
1 T sriracha;
1 T toasted sesame seeds;
1 tsp tamari;
1 dash of liquid smoke;
1 drop of garlic oil.
how good is it?
....i could probably do a shot of it.
that's pretty good, no?
dumplings are on my short lis of most awesome things.
you bite one end,
you dip it in the brown, you dab it in the red,
and you fire each one into your head, like a grenade,
and let those taste exxxplosions awaken your inner awesome,
bite after bite after bite after bite.
it's the way to make a hot day cool,
and the way to take a weak no-show day and make it fresh-to-death fo'sho'.
if you don't love dumplings, you're a jerk,
and i don't want you around.
that's a decree set in stone.
i'm passionate about my food, friends.
and i don't play around when it comes to who gets an invite.
tonight is the night.
just like every night.
and i'm ready for it.
i've got stacks of cardboard,
and heaps of paper products begging to be burnt.
the air is dry, and the wind is whipping,
so its just possible tonight is the first night of a major new hampshire forest fire, too.
i could begin demolition on the woodshed,
or the waterdamaged walls,
or even clear up one of those battlescarred back rooms
of this Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
anything can happen on a friday night,
most likely, it won't be any of the things i've listed.
and in between,
i've got tattoos to do, and miles to walk beforehand.
it's all really happening,
the must-do's
and the might be's,
and the should not's, as well.
we'll see where today takes us,
besides straight down the tubes.
my body is fueled by dumplings, so i'm wagering
that it's at peak performance, no matter what ends up unfolding
along the mysterious creases and folds of this universal blueprint
of activity and longevity and proclivities and lividity.
it's all up in the air,
and i'm curious to see where today takes me;
never quiet, never soft.....

No comments: