Tuesday, May 23


another 'nother mexican monday,
another 'nother overdose of deliciousness.
sorry, duders,
rules is rules,
and when there's a lull in the formerly flooded flow of creative juices,
y'gotta do the things you know will pump it up.
y'can't have a low-water mark as your day to day level of expertism.
even when i'm just not feelin' attuned to the universal wavelengths of freshness,
i'm not going to let that attenuation shift my attention away
from getting all the ingredients together
for a big ol' burly black bean bombardment at my bellyhole.
word the F* up, kids-
i doo-doo that freaky sh!t;
despite a genuine lack of innovative ideas at the moment,
i'm all about that soft flour power, prepared in under an hour.
luckily for me and my estomago,
tacos seem to suffer little to no adverse effects from the absence of exotic ingredients.
check the teleport:

those tacos were a refreshingly filling batch of overstuffed stuffs.
the kind of taking it to eleven that'd never ever work
in a cheapskate sh!tcrackle hardshell hobby kit crapflap.
real talk.
toasted soft flour jauns will forever be my first round draft choice.
shoutouts to my limited non-knowledgeable sports references.
look at these TACOS, guys:

first of all,
even at my least inspired, i'm not making just one kind of filling.
no way, josé.
i've got standards to uphold, friend.
so, for starters, i have a classic:
homemade seitan, asada-style-
that's seitan, onion, poblano, GPOP,
cumin, smoked paprika, cayenne, coriander,
oregano, salt, pepper, olive oil and cilantro leaves, bro.
and that's well known to be expert.
so, there's that,
on purple cabbage and green leafy lettuce,
with red and gold tomatoes, crawnchy radishes,
sliced fresh HOT jalapeno,
a few yellow carrots,
and that avocado crema!
that's half an avocado,
4 tsp lime juice;
4 T soaked cashews;
1 clove garlic;
2 tsp nootch;
and 'milk' enough to make it into a wet pasty thicqqq smoothie.
you want that in your life, buddy.
you might eve need it in there.
i'd make some today, if i were i you...
and then there's the spicy tempeh crumbles.
almost a traditional mess,
those clumpy orange blarpity blops that regular people think isn't horrifying.....
the same folks who shun tofu because it's gross.
1/2 cup tempeh;
2 T minced onion;
1 clove crushed garlic;
1 tsp ea. jalapeno, poblano, and red chili, chopped;
1/4 cup crushed tomatoes;
1/4 cup seitan broth (or whatever)
salt, black pepper, GPOP, cumin, chipotle pepper powder, coriander, to taste;
2 T agave;
1/3 cup black beans.
^ put it all in a pot, and cook it on medium heat, until the liquid is gone,
and it looks likes traditional poor person taco filling.
red leaf lettuce, sliced chunky cucumber, shaved purple carrot,
cilantro, red onion sprankles, and avocado complete the look.
there's ALSO fresh-shorn-from-the-cob blackened sweet corn,
with the babiest hint of all that seitan spice from the same pan, bro.
it was super-expert, on the ones.
i ate a whole lot of that straight off a spoon before it ever made it onto the plate.
and it wasn't just tacos.
too much is the right amount,
that's real-
even on a rainy monday night.
even when i don't know what i want to eat.
even when i'm not all that hungry, actually.
there still needs to be thunder rumbling the cage, man.
it's a beast, this urge to create.
and when i'm not really sure where all my inspiration is,
i just start firing things together,
letting the culinary spirit take muscle memory to task,
and let the spices fall where they may, man-
that's riiiiiiight-
check it:

quesadilla and arroz amarillo for the WIN!
two indie-pressed record sized tortillas,
with custom cashew-garlic-tofu underchee',
and daiya cheddar, scallions, cilantro, and a whole mess of black beans,
plus daiya mozzarella over that,
grilled up on both sides, and covered with that crucial corn,
red onions and scallion sprankles.
wordimus prime.
quesdillas are dope because they're really realllllly hard to eff up.
i like that.
rice, however, is deceptive.
yellow rice is only somewhat weirder than just regular rice.
also, it's yellow, which is pretty cool.
when you're adding spices an' sh!t,
or, if you've got every burner and the food processor running at once,
and you leave the burner up too high, or whatever,
(i'm not sayin', i'm just sayin')
sometimes you've got to remedy a situation on the fly-
usually, with rice, it's either draining water or adding some.
that's comforting, kinda.
however, burnt rice is the worst, so don't do that-
i didn't, don't worry.
oh, yeah, and when you're making yellow rice?
little pepper bits are a nice touch.
yellow rice is just GPOP, a few minced peppers,
and some turmeric tossed in with the actual rice while it cooks.
i dropped in some more of those black beans, and cilantro,
after it was all soaked up, just to turn it up a little.
(it worked)
crabtree got his big reward, too, finally.
we've been working our way through some elite cookies his auntie patti got him.
she loves him,
and he loves her,
and i think he's just about the luckiest little dog ever.
he flipped over in the actual air,
because he was so excited to munch up on his signature cookie:

how kyoooooooooooooooot is THAT?!?!
i know he can't read. that's not the point.
i can,
and i am very grateful for that kindness.
it prob'ly could've said 'stanky A*-hole',
and he'd have been as delighted.
he's good like that.
he gets to see her again today, i think,
and he's gonna lose his whole little dumb mind.
he looks forward to seeing anybody but me, and especially her,
almost as much as i look forward to seeing him a the end of the workday.
that's my lot in life, bros.
second place finishing for first-rate effort.
if it wasn't for hard styles and soft tacos, who knows where i'd be;
never quiet, never soft.....

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