Saturday, May 6


i love a fiesta, sorta.
i mean,
just as long as there is not a bunch of people around;
and there's no alcoholic 'partying' happening;
and i don't have to entertain anybody;
and only if there's a guarantee of way more food
than one person should safely consume in one sitting.
no, but, like, for real.
i've actually reached a level of what i believe is borderline loathing
for my own enormous appetites and efforts.
i love a fiesta. but really, what i'm saying is-
i just like to know what i should make for dinner.
whether according to a calendar of past history,
or the alliterative day of the week.
i am going to do this A*hole thing i do, exxxtra hard,
just to detail the elements of my radical vegan exploits especially for you.
when you type it out like that,
it seems sort of sad.
is that it?
why the F* am i killing myself every night to make fancy dinner?
i mean, it's just me over here,
and it isn't as if all this sexxxy food is luring all the tasty ladies of the eighties over.
who'd even know if i just had cereal on top of ice cream for supper?
for starters, i'd know.
and i just can't take it easy.
not even at all.
and i have to believe that this true storytelling is worth something.
that's why i do it.
because it's a valuable investment of time, energy, money, and intention.
i'm trying to put out the vegan hottness into the wider world.
i want it to be a matter of record that dead bodies decomposing inside you
isn't the only way to go.
real talk-
i guess i want to have some proof that i've been keeping it molto expert.
and this is it.
ten flippin' years' worth.
i will NOT take it easy,
i will only take it to eleven.
and to that end, for my fiesta solo,
i brought the fury, and the fuego,
and an enormous expenditure of resources
just to rep a righteous replay of my local favorite crowd-pleaser.
the whole enchiladas, broski.
check the battle-of-puebla-type teleport:

no, look closer:

that's homemade ranchero sauce.
AND  homemade salsa verde.
AND homemade cashew-lime crema.
i doo-doo that freaky sh!t.
the insides were no joke,
and i don't sleep on, nor skimp on the fillings, ever.
check it:

that's cashew-garlic-tofu chee';
minced daiya mozzarella;
refried beans; fire-roasted green chilis;
smoky savory seitan asada, with caramelized peppers and onions,
scallions, and not pictured, but present in abundance, were big cilantro leaves.
i made enchhiladas a few weeks ago, too.
and there's much more detail about the process here.
i will say, the sprankle game was next level.
red onion, scallion, cilantro, pickled jalapeno, and AVOCADO?!
that's such an elite combination of superlative taste multipliers,
and all of that was set atop of a triple sauce mexican flag slather!
expert is as expert does,
and when you follow the code, you can't go wrong.
too much is the right amount.
i live by it, i do right by it.
what else could i do?
rules is rules.
i adhere to the code, duders
and that's precisely why MY ENCHILADAS ARE WHAT YOU WANT!!
that salsa verde was a twist on my enchie game.
a mutha-'ucking exquisite one.
you wanna make some for your next fiesta?
it's done like this:
1/4 cup onion;
two cloves garlic:
3 T jalapeno;
3 T poblano;
1/4 cup green bell pepper;
2 T green chilis;
4 tomatillos;
in hot pot, with hot oil,
stew all of that up on medium heat until softened,
add 1/2 cup broth (i used seitan-style, you could probably get away with water)
add salt, GPOP, and black pepper, a dash of oregano, and coriander seed,.
then, as it cooks way down, right before you mash it up,
add a big punch of cilantro, and blend all of it up into a thick, chunky salsa.
i prefer the stick mixer a.k.a. immersion blender, but only because it looks cool.
whatever you've got will be just fine.
and just so you know-
this was not a simple, quick, nor easy process.
no way.
it took me two F*ing HOURS to make dinner,
for just me, all by my own damned self.
i made cashew-garlic-tofu chee'.
all those sauces.
black bean soup.
from-scratch salsa fresca picante.
alllllll that hottness, alll from the minute i got home...
i'll tell you something else:
it was 100% worth every second.
and while the enchies were the TRUTH,
the sides were just as awesome as the main, man.

quesadillas are dope.
that's a given.
these ones got TILTY AF with a shmear of nootch-boosted ho'sauce-activated refried pintos,
daiya cheddar and mozzarella, black beans, sweet onions, cilantro,
and sweet green pepper.....
toasted and melted and generally crisped up,
before getting the double drizzle treatment,
with green chili ho'sauce, and a few squirts from my dude texas pete.
black bean soup!
experté siempre!!
half-chunky is how i like it, so that's the way i made it.
unmeasured, and off te cuff, i combined and simmered and mooshed up:
carrot, onion, peppers (sweet and hot) garlic, beans, broth,
plus, salt, pepper, cilantro, cumin, GPOP, coriander, and a teentsy dab of cinnamon.
my salsa has a cult following.
that's serious.
and it's made using a seen-on-tv-food-chopper.
it is.
for serious.
it makes the bits of veg all the perfect consistency for a chunked fresca explosion.
i love it.
i'm not going to make it easy for you, though.
you want the legendary recipe?
you gotta go back and look for it.
i think that's fair,
since you'll be the most popular person in your social circle, all at once,
as soon as you make a bowl of it for your people.
good luck.
oh, and by the way,
even on cinco de mayo,
even IF you know what it commemorates,
even if you own a novelty sombrero:
it's okay not to drink.
so shoutouts to everybody who was out crushing 'ronas and 'ritas last night.
way to go.
it's petty, on my part, as an avowed teetotalling temperant,
but i sure do hope montezuma has some serious comeuppance
prepped and ready to fire up your holes today.
i mean it.
stone sober and two hours late for supper.
that's me,
here in the woodsly goodness,
making food and writing words and everything else.
it's ALL really happening,
and that really and truly is the whole entire point;
never quiet, never soft.....

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