Tuesday, May 9


i'm on that real.
not everybody knows how to keep it on the really real.
i mean,
at least, not when it comes to falafel.
friends, if you've not yet heard,
let me be the one to hit you up with a hard fact:
falafel is THE TRUTH.
it's in my top three forever-and-ever best foods.
and on the ones,
a great falafel can change your whole life.
there are many many variations,
and a whole bunch of them qualify as expert.
i've seen box mix at the grocery store.
and i've seen tubs of premade warehouse blops at actual restaurants!!
like, WHAT?!
no no NO.
that's not it.
...if you think you're for really real effin' with falafel,
but you're reppin' the box mix?!
c'mon, man.
what are you?
an A*-hole?
that's not the real.
that's the diaperbutt baby sh!t.
and it's not invited. not ever.
i know about falafel.
and i don't play around with anything less than the hot fire and lightning...
it's been longer than i'd normally prefer since i activated my homemade
super-elite vegan custom falafel exxxplosions,
last night, i fixed that.
that means i'm on that homemade flatbread.
the coarse crushed chickpea fritters.
the homestyle hummus.
and allllll the tastiest toppings...
yo, f'real tho, check the teleport:

the old man at the corner falafel stand in camden, london used to yell that,
way back when i was a younger man livin' the dream in the u.k.-
i loved that he would huck a falafel ball out to me,
over the heads of the saturday mobs milling through the yard...
i love a good yell, bro.
and i still do it now when i'm making my own.
homemade flatbread?
you've GOT to hook it up.
anybody can rep storebought pita, but it's not the same.
and the wraps?
man, quit it-
i don't want a falaf'burrito.
i want the foldover flatty-flap-trap.
that's what's up.
i go hard with the flatbreads, because they've got what i need, nerds-
3/4 cup flour;
3 T warm water;
1 T lemon juice;
1 T olive oil;
1 T unsweetened non-dairy yogurt;
1 tsp baking powder;
i'm not saying you won't need more water.
you might.
but, that dough, kneaded and rolled out, makes a couple of crucial breads
for a couple of crucial sandwiches.
that's no joke.
a few minutes on each side, in a HOT pan, and you're done.
that's dope.
and the first thing we layer on the bread?
rules is rules,
and falafel without hummus is like DMX without barking.
not cool.
hummus is easy:
a fat scoop of sesame tahini, a few tablespoons of olive oil,
a dash of cumin, salt, pepper,
and a pound of chick peas, all mashed up and blended smoooooth in a food processor.
i tossed a few cloves of roasted garlic in there, and a little GPOP, too,
because i'm like that.
and MORE flavor is what i'm always chasing, anyway.
the falafel balls?
you want that.
you need that.
i have that.
i'll share it, too:
1 can chick peas (or 1 lb soaked)
1/4 cup garbanzo flour;
1/2 cup onion;
3 cloves garlic;
1/2 tsp xantham gum;
1 tsp ground flax/chia'meal;
2 T olive oil;
2 T chopped parsley;
2 T chopped cilantro;
1 T lemon juice;
1/4 tsp cayenne;
1/4 tsp cumin;
1/2 tsp ground coriander seed;
(i also added 1 T fire-roasted tomato flakes,
and 1 tsp sumac, because too much is the right amount)
pulsed in a food processor, to a coarse batter,
rolled into rounds, which, just to be safe,
since the chia/flax binder can get gummy,
and explode in a disintegration bubble when placed in piping hot oil,
i rolled one more time, in MORE garbanzo flour.
yes, i did.
my falafel game is constantly evolving and adapting to the ingredients on hand.
these jauns?
they were FIRE for my FACE.
that's a thing.
perfectly crisp outsides, sumptuously squishy soft interiors,
and ALL the flavor through and through.
shallow fried in an inch of oil, until they were golden and good,
eight per sandwich, with exxtra dough left over (for tonight, perhaps).
get a little closer,
and take a good look at how expert they ended up:

i knowwwwwwww.
that's tomatoes, pickles, paper-thin-sliced red onion,
pickled jalapenos, and sriracha on there.
and shredded purple cabbage, cilantro, and spinach on the other side,
lots of exxxtra-lemony tahini,
and sumac sprankles to take it to eleven.
the pepperoncinis i left whole this time.
i went european-style- where you just take bites in between sarnie bites,
and make your own blend of vinegarious spice.
i told you.
i keep it really real in the falafel scene.
if you're trying to make healthy ones?
stop that, immediately.
for serious, buddy-
have a salad tomorrow if you must,
but be sure to bring the boomfire to your burly balls today.
word up.
that's stupid.
it's early may.
and i'm not cool with that.
regrettably, i have no say in the matter,
so i s'pose i'll just have to bundle up
while i walk/drag crabby through these frost-kissed hills.
my dog and i have become a thing.
we hang out for all the minutes i'm not at work,
generally being cute together and trying not to bite each other too hard.
never did i ever guess i would become this version of me.
micromonomaniacally fixated on the few glimpses of good i get,
and focusing so severely on my duties that  everything else is muted and blurry.
it's true.
during moments of greater perspective,
i see the forest, instead of the just the leaves on the branches on the limbs on the trees,
and it is F*ed up.
that sort of super-zoom-out happens suddenly, and it's a bit of a bombshell every time-
it turns out, the devilish details of my life have absorbed so much of my attention,
that i have somehow let the big picture fall into disrepair.
maybe this unseasonably cold snap has slapped me back to my senses?
i dunno,
but i'm looking around at the still-unfinished rooms of the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
and wondering just what the heck is wrong with me?
i mean, damn, dudes-
dinner is cool,
but i bet a refurbished master bathroom would be even cooler,
and possibly even more useful.
i guess i need to add more items to my every day obsessiveness list.
so be it;
never quiet, never soft.....

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