Saturday, May 20


strawberries have got it going on right now.
the market is jam-packed with buckets and buckets of those little red heart drops,
and you can't walk three feet without bumping into a bushel of 'em.
i think that's pretty cool.
i mean,
i like strawberries.
i want to have way more of them.
....and there's so many that i very easily can do that.
so i've been doing that.
strawberries are tricky when you're baking, tho.
on top of things, they're great.
but inside of things,
they need attention,
or they'll turn to pure sh!t before you can say shortcake.
that's real.
however, in a pie?
they're perfect.
and a perfect pie is ALWAYS invited to my makeout parties.
two quarts of berries went straight into the center of a puffy pastry crust.
too much is the right amount.
flipped around with 1/4 cup powdered sugar,
and a spoonful of vanilla bean paste,
i had stacks on stacks of sliced strawblers sitting so prettily,
steaming dreamily,
and sweetening the whole scene with their little red skins.
how simple is that?
berries, sugar, vanilla.
that's IT.
check the teleport:

see what i mean?
that's a nice one.
and the crust was a little different than my usual method of preparation.
it went rogue when i decided halfway into combining the ingredients
that i wasn't making cheater-puff pastry....
here's the recipe for this stuff.
who knows?
maybe you'll like it the most!
in your food processor,
which you have because you are a bad mutha who knows what's up,
2 1/4 cups flour;
dash of salt;
1 stick of butterish;
1/2 tub vegan creamchee';
3 T raw sugar crystals;
non-dairy milk, added in T increments-
and pulsed until it's a crumbly, squeeze-togetherable mixture.
press it into a ball.
wrap and refrigerate that golden globe for about an hour, or more,
and then roll it out on a well-floured surface,
and make it all nicey-nice for the pie trimming.
that's the play i'm backing, bros.
i want pretty food with gorgeous flavors,
and everything else can totally take a hike up the mountain to lamesville.
bake the whole things for 25-30 minutes, a 425℉,
and you've got yourself somethin' worth slicin' into.
ok. ok.
also, prior to baking, i rubbed a little agave glaze on there,
and that helped stick a batch of raw sugary sprankles to it, too.
you knew it was gonna happen like that, didn't you?
rules is rules, and that's no joke.
if i had it to do over?
i'd probably just have made use of my more traditional dough,
and i'd likely have tossed those berries with a few tablespoons of arrowroot. was molto molto juicy.
not that i hesitated from terrorizing literally half of it in one shot.
i'm just sort of a ravenous werewolf when it comes to good food,
and my sweet teeth have a soft spot for pie.
i've got tattoos to do.
i do.
biggish ones.
and it's a sunny saturday in the woodsly goodness,
and i got less sleep than usual,
but i'm fired up for a big day despite the big bad bags under my eyeballs.
that's the way i like it, really.
overbooked, but not with tasty babes.
just people with ideas.
that helps me focus.
that keeps me moving.
and i also think it just might make me funnier, too.
oh, you haven't had the pleasure,
but i do like to make a little bit of fun, by way of making my own fun.
and when there's no deliciousness to confound the issue,
i can get pretty serious about taking nothing seriously.
y'feel me?
stop by,
and i'll give you a dose of what i'm on about, neighbors.
you might like it,
or you might not,
but either way,
it's all really happening,
and that's what saturday looks like right now;
never quiet, never soft.....

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