BAMH BANH!!!!!

banh banh banh!
banh mi,
oh My!!
dudes,
who says a sandwich can't be sexxxy?
they're wrong.
dead wrong.
when it's time to rock the party,
it's time to get my banh mi on.
...and that's no joke.
real talk, i made something expert,
and i want you to know all about it-
check the big-bad-'guini-type teleport:

kaBOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
homemade 7 grain bread??
yuuuuuup.
neighbors,
i couldn't resist making it all exxxtra special,
and i'm glad i did.
it was good in a way that all other 'guinis will be compared against from here on out.
make it:
***********
2 cups of flour
2 tsp salt
1 T sugar
1 pkg commercial regular acting yeast
whisked,
and mixed in with:
1 cup warm water
1 T ground golden flax
1 tsp agave
2 tsp bread machine yeast (the powerful stuff)
^^^^all mixed up and allowed to activate-
plus:
2 T olive oil
1/2 cup 7-grain rolled cereal (from my man bob, obvi, and his red mill)
mixed/kneaded for 5 mites in the stand up mixer,
and allowed to rise for 30, punched down,
and left to re-bulk for 1 hour.
shaped, slit, and rested for another 'nother 30 minutes,
while the oven preheated to 420F
then baked for 20 minutes.
it made three loaves,
and they were all bangin'......
*
speaking of bangin'-
i made a quick pickle of radish and rainbow carrot,
covered barely in apple cider. rice vinegar, and a tsp of sugar
how dope was that?
what's the dopest? ok. now double it.
it was that dope.
pan-fried ho'sauced tofu squares are good,
and homemade seitan steaks,
covered in a cornstarch/GPOP/black pepper crust,
and seared on both sides are F*ing great.
that's the right way to doo-doo that freaky sh!t, for sure.
pickles, thin super-hot jalapenos,
cilantro sprankles,
a slather of vegenaise,
scallion sprankles,
and sriracha made this mutha-'ucka a savage stormswept viking vanguard
of victual victory from the woodsly goodness all the way to valhalla.
i mean it.
*
baked sweet potato fries, tossed in olive oil, arrowroot, salt, pepper,
and a little bit of kapowdered sugar???
c'mon,
that's that good-good in this 'hood.
word up.
baked up as the oven preheated, plus while the bread baked,
plus maybe just a lttle baby bit even longer!
thick, crisp, juicy, and very necessary.
*
and the slaw?!?!
expert.
lime-kissed purple cabbage,
red radicchio, purple carrot, cilantro and parsley.
simple, but explosive in the flavor department.
i got that quick-ish quality for my face.
with lime on the side for added flavor juicification.
rad.
***********
i've got no time,
and i've got no sleep,
and i've got lots and lots to do.
the holidays are creepin' up,
and the situation isn't quite what i'd call dire yet-
but it's getting there.
luckily,
the banh mi scene was so elite,
i didn't worry about anything else at all while i made it,
for the five minutes it took to eat it,
and not even for almost an hour afterwards.
too much is the right amount,
and you know it works when you're still thinking about it fondly the next day.
it's all really happening-
if only it was all banh mi;
never quiet, never soft.....