Friday, December 16


it's so F*ing windy that i might actually die on my morning walk today.
it's really cold withOUT the stupid wind whipping around
and totally ruining every single minute of the morning.
i can feel it inside the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
that's not a good thing.
because these gale-force gusts of busted b!tchbaggery
are blasting and billowing and bellowing and blowing
all throughout the whole of the woodsly goodness,
with the howling sounding more like the hellhounds of the netherworld
than the rustling of the evergreens and sh!t.
it's -4 before the air starts moving-
and with the chill of this horrible element?
negative twenty-eight degrees fahrenheit!!
that's an A*-hole number.
we need to get twenty-eight degrees just to be NO degrees?
total A*-hole.
i HATE the wind.
i know it's cold in the north;
i know that winter starts before the solstice in the north;
i know that wind is essential to the fluidity of earth's atmosphere,
as pressure builds and falls and creates friction between conditions,
and we get wind as a result of that pouch and pull........
but i still hate it.
y'know what i LOVE though?
c'on, neighbors.
you knew the answer already.
and when i've got time on my side for a few seconds,
i turn up the hottness,
especially when i've gotta go up against this atmospheric unpleasantry.
word up.
wanna see what i came up with?
oh, okay.
check the double-burg-slaw-and-fries-upgrade-version-type teleport:

the question is-
did i make homemade buns?
are you kidding? of COURSE i did.
2 cups of flour;
1 T commercial bread yeast;
2 T brown sugar;
1 Tground chia/flaxmeal blend;
1/4 cup sourdough starter;
1 1.2 tsp salt;
2 T olive oil;
1 cup + warm water....
one bowl, one mixer. and all of that in order.
i might've wanted to add the sugar, yeast, and the flax-mix to the water,
but i figured i had time to let it all activate while i readied everything else....
...i was right, of course, but if i were you?
i'd do the water thing, for sure...
bulked thrice, chopped, portioned, folded and formed into balls,
rested right on the counter, with sossamon sesames stuck to the top-
these jauns were on POINT.
i baked them at 420F for about 20ish minutes,
until they browned enough to look sexxxy as F*.
rules is rules, and ugly food can't come over.
with boston bib lettuce, reddish winter tomato slices,
and a few sharp red onion rings,
those buns were gettin' it on....
oh, yeah, and i butter-toasted them in a pan first, man.
but it was that burger patty that was the fatty-boombattie big BIG business, bro!
i can't believe how flippin' expert they were.
for serious, i will be seeing them again.
magical burgs from the future composed and comprised of a reprised recycled
delicious meal from the past!!!
i made them the night before,
because i just knew i'd want something amazing in my mouth
i have a recipe for lentil stew here.
i took a cup and half of that,
fairly well-drained,
and added in 3/4 cup of cooked rice,
which was food processed it into a much less chunky consistency.
and then, i added a cup of wheat gluten and 3 T tapioca,
and made those 1/2" thick hand-formed circles of supreme flavor.
holy sh!t!!!
i told you i let 'em rest in the fridge, to firm up, overnight.
that was a good call.
they aren't too mushy, the outsides got just enough crisp on 'em,
flipped once after five minutes in a medium-hot buttery pan.
for real, though, neighbors- SO expert!!!
with avocado for soothing smoothified fatness,
and basil leaf for bite,
and those italiano-pblend microgreens for all the mutha-'ucking NUTRIENTS!
wordimus prime.
that's more than you need, times two, right there-
but, you know how i doo-doo that freaky sh!t, right?
too much is the right amount!!!
so there's that slaw, too.
radicchio, purple cabbage, baby kale, radish, purple carrot,
cilantro, parsley, and vegenaise-
tossed like a champ, and ready to crunch your face right up.
i don't play games with my slaw scene.
the thing is,
the show stealer was that bowl of big barbarian boomfire in the upper left corner.
check another teleport:

seasoned sweets and righteous russet potatoes,
with cayenne and paprika and sugar and salt,
baked while the oven preheated for those buns!
plus, that CHEE'!!
a cup of non-dairy milk;
2 T flour;
4 T nootch;
2 tsp turmeric;
1 tsp ground mustard;
1 tsp malt vinegar;
whisked on medium heat until thick as heck.
and that chili!!!
3 T olive oil, heated in a pot,
1/2 sweet onion, diced;
1/2 jalapeno minced;
2 cloves of garlic, crushed;
1/4 cup red pepper, minced
1 cup crushed tomatoes;
basil, oregano, smoked paprika, GPOP,
crushed coriander seed, cilantro, red pepper flakes, black pepper,
hot paprika, and liberal dashed splashes of ho' sauce;
2 tsp nootch;
1 cup of red beans-
simmered until it's thickish, and bubbling, and it smells elite-
and tempeh bacon.
that's molasses, veggie broth, liquid smoke, soy sauce, and GPOP,
stirred up and simmered on strips of tempeh until absorbed and browned.
you got fries,
the chee',
then chili,
then chee' again,
then baconish bitsies,
then scallion and cilantro sprankles,
and all together, what you get is
these were so dope, i could've cried tears of joy.
instead, i stuffed my fat face as fast and as hard as i ever have.
it was a wise decision.
now i'm gonna go freeze my A* off outside.
i'm already cold bundled up by the fire.
i can't tell you how much i resent being resigned
to carry out responsibly adult pet ownership today.
long walks in poor conditions are in the forecast,
and i'm feeling foul-tempered for the prospect.
it's all really happening,
but it all really sucks, or rather, blows.
oh, c'mon.
wind is bullsh!t;
never quiet, never soft.....

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