Saturday, December 31


you like those fudgy brownies?
me too!!
the thing is,
everybody likes the edge pieces.
with that exxxtra-crispy chocolate crunch,
and the seriously caramelized brown sugary sides
are in short supply when you use a pan.
that's beat, bro-
i mean,
i don't wanna miss out on the best part of the brownies,
just because i showed up a second too late-
i've got a solution, obviously,
because conflict without resolution is reserved for my personal life,
and not the daily goings-on in my oven.
word up.
allow me to present y'all with a little bit of chocolate lovin' for your face:

two sizes of mini-muffin tins were employed,
for maxxximun surface-edge coverage.
after the first was filled to the brim,
with a remainder of 50%,
what else could be done?
i see a need, i fill a need;
i see a bowl half full?
i empty it in half-full increments into muffin cups.
then my bowl is vacant, but my house is full of brownies.
F*ing-A right.
that's how i do it.
so, y'wanted MORE edges?
well.. too much is the right amount-
and these're ALL edge.
crispin' it up across the whole entire pan,
with powerfully chocolate, impossible sugary,
super-elite density and deliciousness that defies you not to have another.
what's IN there?
it's easy, and it all takes place in one pot, on the stove.
yep. the stove.
!!brownie batter!!
2 cups brown sugar;
melted into 1 cup non-dairy milk,
with 1 stick melted vegan butts,
all over medium-low heat, so nothing burns.
add 2 tsp vanilla;
sift in 2/3 cup cocoa;
stir to remove any lumps,
then, when it's melted but not HOT,
remove from that heat source,
and add 2 1/2 cups flour;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp bakey kapowder;
1 tsp bakey soda;
1/2 cup chocolate chips;
and stir that into a thick, pasty, muddy mess.
if it looks like sh!t,
that's how you know it's good.
put it in the pan(s) of your choosing-
in this case 48 flippin' muffiny minis,
and bake for about 30ish minutes at 350F.
maybe less when they're as little as these guys.
and be careful.
that's an inhuman level of sugar,
and it will turn into brown glass if you don't pay attention.
brownies are expert.
these ones are no exception.
oh, c'mon, neighbors-
i was gonna leave 'em alone as just brownie bites?
what are you, new here?
no way.
i got those snowflake sugar cookies for the bigger babies,
and the little b!tchlettes got cocoa swirls!!!
butterish by the pat, proportionate to powdered sugar and cocoa, with a little vanilla,
1:1:1:splash by ratio,
made the black spread in between the rolled cookie bits.
i love a crawnchy cookie.
1 stick + 2 T butts
1 cup sugar
1 1/2 cups flour
>1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
2 T vegan yogurt
1 tsp vanilla
375F, 11 minutes. don't sleep on it.,.
it's too simple not to try.
AND chocolate frosting?!?!
it's an experiment in decadence, duders.
and holy crapola,
are these ever rich and thick and totally effing brutal.
i like to bulldoze my way into tooth decay and diabetes,
like a freakin' juggernaut of dessert.
what can i say?
rules is rules,
and overdoing it is on top of that list.
you had better recognize, or you're likely to get wrecked.
we're almost out of time.
no, i don't mean the year.
whatever day/week/month/year it is,
my life remains largely unchanged, as has for so long,
i don't even think it matters what the numbers are....
i'm talking about vacation.
it's just about over.
tomorrow, i'll be in the car, heading down and up, in a big old oval loop-
from here to eternity,
and to infinity and beyond,
and then there and back again.
it's never enough.
and it never has been.
i am grateful for the time i have been given,
for the gift of spanning these wintry mornings and nights with these two teen turds
both of whom i happen to genuinely enjoy,
and not at all because i helped create them-
i make a lot of things i can't stand.
but these funny. smart, kind, genuine people are truly good for me to be around,
and they make the minutes all matter so much more-
after all,
time is money, and money is time,
and if how you spend one doesn't affect how you spend the other?
you're wasting both.
this investment of family togetherness
pays off HUGE dividends in every way-
i'd have to say it's well worth it.
i miss these guys before they leave.
a new year looms on the horizon,
but the same empty house comes right along with it.
it's all really happening, friends.
and without the bitter, the sweet just isn't ever as sweet-
of course.
the inverse must also be true.
nobody leaves with the title,
but everybody still leaves;
never quiet, never soft.....

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