Sunday, December 18


peeeye zee zee ayy!!!!
pizza everyday.
that's a good idea.
pizza for my face,
pizza all over the place.
pizza for breakfast!
yesterday was a mutha-lickin' SNOW DAY.
and when anything can happen,
because rules is rules,
the first thing we gotta get into is pizza.
deep dish pizza, to be precise.
you really have to ask?
because pizza is a damned good resource to have on hand.
i made a no-sauce boss of a bowl of 'za,
and i want you to take a good look at it.....

i told you about the crust yesterday.
it only got better with age.
time spent in the cold fridge had it so flippin' fluffed the eff out
during the baking process, at 460F, for 33 minutes,
that it was almost criminal to munch it up.
i'm not one of those hoarder-type imbeciles
who doesn't open packages in order to keep 'em collector-grade-
i'm a devourer of dopeness in the first degree,
the galactus of gluttony, even,
and when there's pizza this luscious?
i'm diving in headfirst, even if that means third-degree burns on my face!
it always cools off at least a little while i set up the shot.
photographing my food saves me so many injuries, i'm sure.
we know pizza is expert.
and we love that deep d,
because there's so much room for so much more pizza,
what's so special about this one?
well, it all begins with the underchee'.
i s'pose i should set up a glossary page on here somewhere for new readers?
we'll see.
custom cashew-garlic-tofu cheesy magic is on the bottom,
followed by oven-roasted 1/4" thick olive-oiled potato slices,
which are in turn topped with daiya mozzarella...
over that, i dropped a dose of caramelized yellow onion,
and a big ol' batch of tempeh-bacon/seitan crumbles.
when you've got just enough of both to combine for a pizza,
you're really sort of obligated to get fresh with it, and fry 'em up together,
with a little garlic and black pepper,
and let that crOmble do it's thing.
cheddar daiya on top of that?
and from there, the brassicas took over-
roasted thick-shredded purple cabbage, oiled, salted,
and baked next to the 'tatoes, on parchment, while the oven was preheating!
and those broth-braised broccoli florets?
a little bit of reserved seitan simmerin' sauce goes a loooong way around here, man.
anyway, a tablespoon on broth in a hot pan full of brox, covered up,
will steam an acre of flavor into 'em with the quickness.
that's real.
and i had to do a sliced tomato upgrade.
i'm sayin',
sauce is optional, but tomatoes in some form
are a delightful addition to a pizza.
i like delights,
and i have tomatoes,
so thinly sliced grape-sized little 'uns did their thing.
that's some bowl of burly big action, huh?
we're not quite done yet, though-
but certainly not least among the toppings,
i took this sexxxy mofo to eleven with some of my special activators-
fried garlic sprankles.
too much is the right amount.
that's the way the story goes, bros.
seventy five percent of my appointments at the studio cancelled
yesterday and today,
because of the incredible wintry pre-season exxxplosion we're enjoying.
i was told it was a polar vortex.
that sounds pretty cool.
a cool name to call a terrible weekend is small consolation,
in the face of treacherous travel and tiny rewards for the trouble.
yesterday, i tried out a new thing, under the assumption that the studio
was going to be deader than me inside.
i'm kidding,
but not about the studio-
so, i brought crabtree in, to see if he could be cool,
and maybe free up some time in my days.
hours that wouldn't have to be spent trekking across creation to tire him out
before his lengthy incarceration each afternoon.
....aaaaaaaand, did he appreciate it?
did he even remotely comprehend the sentiment behind my action?
not at all.
did he at least take a F*ing nap?
as a matter of fact,
he was TERRIBLE.
a high-maintenance mess of a whining, pulling, troublesome turds,
who, surprisingly, especially for someone who usually sleeps all day,
was zero percent calm,
but one-hundred percent awful,
for the entirety of his term at the tattshack.
so after almost four hours of constant aggravation,
i brought him home...
.......right as the entire population of massachusetts
got on the new hampshire roadways,
all of the in their large all-weather vehicles,
with several televisions visibly on inside,
and all of them somehow in a looong line right in front of me,
driving at a brisk, brave, 4WD, suburban-rage race-pace of 10mph,
with no regard for lanes, turn signals, or traffic signs-
....just so i could drop him off,
turn right around,
and head back to the studio for a consult......
who didn't bother to show up, or call, or answer her phone-
i don't know who you are, emily, but that wasn't very cool..
womp womp.
hard styles and good intentions, man.
that's what i've got.
consequences some at me strong for kindnesses i consider keeping up with.
i guess that's the key, right?
do good things, even if they never ever ever pay off?
what do you think about that?
i'm open to suggestions;
never quiet, never soft.....

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