Saturday, December 10


i got a mediterranean mania,
and the only way to assuage it's effects is to give in to it.
um, that's real.
so what happens when it's friday night;
it's like the coldest and windiest and suckiest it could possibly be outside;
you're home alone, as usual, 
because you're an elitst hermit, 
and you've got no friends nearby enough to come through;
eyes and ambitions that might actually only be a baby bit bigger 
than your ever-expanding stomach,
and one last batch of cold-proofed chilled-out sourdough ready to rock?
if all of those things have aligned along the ley lines of active participation
and synced up with the spirit and memory of shark-gluttony,
in the thematic overarchetype of north-african/middle-eastern/southern-european
foodstuff stylings.........?
then you make more food than one person should safely consume,
and you get masticating on some masochism during one epic mediterranean meal.
check the overdoing-it-is-the-only-way-to-do-it-type teleport
wordimus prime!!!
homemade sourdough flatbreads?
drizzled with olive oil, dusted with GPOP,
and hooked the heck up with fried garlic and fire-roasted tomato sprankles??!
heck yes!
with purple cabbage mixed with red radicchio;
and pickles for maxxximum veggie goodness in the uncooked portion of the platter-
* plus,
that lavender rice?!
purple cabbage and red onion, cooked along with those lovely long grains,
for a sensual shade of sexxxiness that tastes a whole lot like....well...rice.
i love rice, especially when it's got scallion spranx to crawnch it up a bit.
* dudes,
chick peas, minced red onion, turmeric, lemon juice, lemon slices olive oil,
GPOP, ginger, crushed coriander seed, and alderwood-smoked sea salt?!?!?!
that's some raging stormswept garbazo goodness, 
straight from the frying pan into my F*ing face!
* and how about those collard greens!
garlic oil, onion, and garlic, softened enough to let that chiffonaded leafiness
wilt into a buttery dark green mountain of nutrients.
i confess, i splashedthem with a few teaspooons of seitan broth.
it helped. they ruled. i ate them as hard as i could. (which was very hard, and fast)
* cumin-cayenne seitan strips are the new hottness for my face, kids.
i mean it.
onion strips, and seitan strips, fried up in olive oil,
with toasted cumin, coriander, cayenne, aleppo pepper, sumac, GPOP
smoked paprika, red pepper flakes, and black pepper,
finished off with freshly-cut cilantro.
that's IT.
* guys, i even dolloped a scoople of that lentil soup in there.
the liquid was all but absorbed by those little legumes, 
so it made for a savory splatful of even MORE protein power for me to munch up.
* AND, 
i blasted the whole big, burly, beany, battle-beastly batch of spicy delights 
with a thick drizzle of exxxtra-lemony tahini!!!!!
expert is as expert does, duders.
for realsies.  
too much is the right amount.
this is a prime example of that being good and bad for me at the same time.
i ate an acre of awesome,
and i felt like a big, fat, old idiot immediately after.
only insofar as nobody will know how impossibly awesome it all tasted.
making a massive meal, 
and then eating it all by oneself doesn't exactly suck sh!t.
i mean, 
it really just means i get to glutton up on all the best bits.
now worries about missing out on seconds or thirdsies....
they're ALL for me.
the thing of it is- 
i don't need three peoples' worth of dinner.
what i need is a dog who walks himself.
wait, what?
we shifted gears, bruh. 
try to stay with me.
it's windy outside.
that's the worst.
also, it's only like single digits without the chill factor.
how much fun so i anticipate the next two hours to be?
what's the lowest endurable level?
now cut that in half.  
i'm glad i ate so much, 
if only to try to stay a degree or two warmer while we fight against the elements.
we won't even try to fight against nature, though.
i think by now i know better-
nature wins, kids.
crabtree the terrible bull terrier and i are about to go experience that 
in all it's gloriously poor sportsmanship;
never quiet, never soft.....

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