Tuesday, December 27


somehow i made the softest fluffiest most-magnificently magical cake,
and all with ingredients i may never have otherwise have used-
regular-A* flour;
regular-A* sugar;
reduced-fat coconut??!!
i made a thing,
and it amazed all who tried it.
check the christmas-miracle-type teleport:

so i got it poppin' early, because i'm an early riser, wherever i go,
and we had time before the rest of the family came by.
in fact,
we had more than i anticipated,
and i already anticipated that there was NO way they'd be on time.
it has actually never once happened, and i don't expect it to start in my lifetime.
the cake was expert.
and unexpectedly fluffed the F* out.
here's what i did, lemme know if yours does the same-
1 stick of vegan butts;
1 1/4 cup plain ol' sugar;
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp lemon extract
3/4 cup vanilla soy yogurt
1 1/4 cups reduced fat flake coconut
^^^whisked into a frenzy^^^^
to which i added:
2 1/3 cups all-purpose regular white flour;
1 T baking kapowder
1 cup plain soymilk
^whipped all the way up,
but still sort or wet, which makes me wonder if i mismeasured something...
poured into a ten inch springform, single-layer-style,
and baked for a bout 35-40ish minutes at 350F in an electric oven.
i dunno what specifically was different enough to produce the airiest jaun
i've baked in an age,
but damn, we devoured it like a group of starved savages once it was decorated.
and those decorations!!!
chocolate chips and soymilk, melted with a splish of vanilla,
and ganache-glazed across the top!
coconut sprankles?
you know i gotta keep the theme going, neighbors.
coconut on coconut is good for you.
and those strawberry slices?
juicy, and sweet, and molto sexxy, for sure,
especially with those ganache stripes drizzled across 'em.
i don't want ugly food in my face if i can hep it, holmes.
and i helped myself to many slices of this epic beauty,
in molto rapid succession, as my whole mouth smiled the entire time,
even while i chewed (which i only barely even did).
chocolate frosting?!
obvi, man.
too much is the right amount
and you know i'm psyched on that new pastry tip i got,
down at the fancy craft spot, just for the occasion.
i'm not afraid to invest in making the most of the time i have,
wherever i am.
the thing about strong personalities
is that they don't mesh well with other strong personalities-
that's actually almost guaranteed.
when asked if i could just not be SO MUCH of myself,
i couldn't help but ask myself a few questions-
*who even am i, if not myself?
*how am i not myself?
*how can i NOT be myself?
i didn't expect an existential quandary to arise
from my customary christmastime conflict.
here i am,
and this is it.
i think maybe the main difference between respect and disrespect
is convenience.
if we're inconvenienced by something-
and this is true even more so if we've freely chosen to be accommodating-
we immediately stop being respectful, and nurture resentment.
it's hard not to.
i mean,
it's interfering with the way we conduct our routines.
where's the appreciation?
or, rather,
why isn't the appreciation being conveyed in the way we want it to be?
it's the same reason nobody respects protests except the ones protesting:
...because they're a clot in the flow of our own personal narrative.
it's inconvenient to have to reroute any part of your day,
especially when it's because of others expressing a viewpoint
that you possibly didn't even have any prior opinion about-
...at least, until it got in your way.
it's extreme and confrontational and vaguely your enemy.
the truth is-
i'm consumed by my own daily trials.
i've been at war, for some years now, with the inconvenience
of self-imposed responsibilities.
and beset by the petty demons of time and age and discontent,
there's just so little left over for anyone else.
i'm made out of fighting, i think.
my constant struggle, with an absolute lack of perspective,
has me hard-hearted and self-absorbed much of the time-
it's a sort of selfish self-preservation, i suppose.
a perpetual motion defense mechanism that keeps me moving,
even if it's only in circles.
how can i be less like myself?
by giving up, and giving in.
and if that's what it takes to be less,
when the objective has always been to be MORE?
then i guess we're all sh!t outta luck.
i'd like to be liked,
but if the only way to like me is for me not to be like me?
then i guess i'd rather be respected.
the thing is,
i'll bet the only way to accomplish that is to stay a ways away.
y'know those dudes who do what they do, everywhere elsewhere?
those are my dudes.
the hermits.
the wizards.
the worthy warrior-poets.
damned to do my best,
doomed to have it never be enough.
it's all really happening,
that's the whole point;
never quiet, never soft.....

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