Tuesday, December 6


the sourdough is dope,
but it doesn't bubble up around the edges of the crust,
like the regular dough.
i mean, it's not the end of the world-
i'll certainly live through the lack of big bubs,
i do miss 'em a little tiny bit.
no way, i'm not referring to bread-
i've got impossible oven spring and irregular crumb for miles....
i'm talking about pizza.
the crust is crisp, even with the welcome addition of commercial yeast,
to coordinate a concerted bulk, 
and a very rich, righteous, ripe, cold ferment in the fridge.
the dough seems to stretch a bit better with the tandem twosome in there.
i always add just a pinch more gluten than the semolina already has.
look, dudes,
i do it like this-
1 1/2 cups white flour
1 1/2 cups semolina flour
1-2 T wheat gluten
1 pkg commercial yeast
1/2 cup sourdough starter
1 T salt
2 tsp sugar
1-1 1/2 cups warm water, added in one cup, 
plus more as the initial mix develops-
i give it two big rises and punch-downs, 
then put it in the fridge for 12 hours-
then i divvy it up into 4 individual pizza portions,
and i'm ready to 'za the F* out whenever.
and i doo-doo that wedge-shaped sh!t often.
this most recent foray into freakin it off had me feelin' very excited.
a whole other 'nother new realm of pizza-related hottness was achieved,
and i'm happy to report i will be venturing down this pah again.
check the curry-in-a-hurry-type teleport:
we got cashew-garlic-tofu custom underchee' laid down heavy on the bottom,
with daiya mozzarella gettin' hella sexxxy over that,
and a parsley-cilantro leafy layer dumped over all that chee'.
that's the bedrock foundation of a burly bomb batch 
of bigger business than i might've originally envisioned-
too much is the right amount,
and i forged ahead with my plan to produce a plentifully flavorful 
batch of heavy HEAVY duty doo-doin' on a baked breadsly plate!!!
cornstarch, smoked paprika, liquid smoke, soy sauce, GPOP,
black pepper, crushed coriander seed, and cayenne all combined by the spoonful
to make a coating for cube after cube of super-duper-firm baked tofu cubes.
while the oven preheated,
on parchment, i had the 'fu pitying fools,
and that cauliflower doing it's best impression of a yellow-bellied baby b!tch.
cumin, turmeric, Garlic Powder & Onion Powder, black pepper, sumac, 
cilantro, paprika, and aleppo pepper, all tossed together in a little 
 coconut oil,
made that cauliflower explode with awesomeness.
i let the oven take care of the increasing heat, and well before it was
prepped for pizza, the tofu was ready, and not long after, the 'flower followed suit.
plus, there's asparagus, simply because i like asparaugus,
barely braised before being tossed on top,
and naturally,
because rules is rules, and onions are where all the flavor lives,
carmies are strewn about as well.
that's a lotta topping time for one person's bellyhole-
but, that wasn't even it!
no way.
i'm committed to tuning up a TON of vegan pizza sorcery in every single serving-
and that's precisely what i did, too.
tomatoes for color,
and slices of fried garlic to turn the overall gastric gurgle factor up to eleven!!!
that's it, right?
no way, buddy-
i mean just look at it-
there's also sriracha drizzles to sizzle any weakness off of your tongue.
if you aren't prepared to wage war on your stomach's maximum capacity
with slice after slice of maxxximum hottness,
i'd hope you'll have the wherewithal and poise to refuse 
any invitation to attend an overall shark-glutton feeding frenzy 
at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
i'm only interested in overdoing it.
and i'm only looking for encouragers and supporters.
if you wanna be the voice of reason,
or worse,
portion control,
go F* yourself.
you don;t have to do that,
but still,
don't come around here with that weak sauce, bro.
MORE PIZZA is all there ever needs to be.
that's a thing,
and it is a good thing;
never quiet, never soft.....

No comments: