Wednesday, December 7


all that krampusing had me feelin' pretty good,
and got my inner cravings creepin' on that austro-bavarian sweetness.
that's a thing.
events flow fast and full along a linear progression of spirit and memory,
and they add up to something special.
.....this is one of those times.
what'd i do about it?
i made linzertorte.
because site-specifically, that's the go-to treat for times like these,
and also, as you'll already know if you've ever had some-
linzertorte is SO DOPE.
no foolin'.
it's got a whole mess of good flavors,
and textures,
and when it's baking?
the whole house smells like christmas miracles.
i think i did a good job,
for approximating a recipe from recollected reminiscences.
check the mutha-flippin' linzer-type teleport:

raspberries, lemons, almonds, sugar, spice,
and all the hottness you could ever hope to have inside your head.
this is IT.
the crust is straightforward, but it's also straight-up fire for your face.
and it goes a little somethin' like this-
almost 1 cup raw sugar (take it easy on the sugar, this thing is serious)
1 cup a.p. flour
1 cup almond meal
1/4 cup cooked almonds
1/2 tsp salt
1 stick plus 4 T butts
3 T creamchee'
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp lemon extract
1 tsp almond extract
1/2 tsp cinnamon
pinch of cloves
1/2 lemon's zest
all of that, all at once, into the food processor,
with a squeeze of lemon juice if it seems to dry-
the almond meal should make it sticky quickly, tho.
when it holds together when squezzed, it's ready.
pack it up in plastoc wrap and refrigerate it for at least an hour.
that's half of the thing already practicaly ready already.
that filling is good, neighbors.
it's thick, it's tart, it's sweet,
basically, it's pretty much totally lovely,
and as such, i love it!
it needs to cool a bit before it goes in there,
so make it while the dough is resting-
do it this way, if you'd like-
12 oz frozen raspberries
1/2 cup powdered sugar
4 T seedless raspberry jammie-jam
3 T lemon juice
2 T lemon zest
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp lemon extract
^ simmered until the berries begin to soften,
remove 1/4 cup of the liquid,
and prepare a starch slurry to firm the whole F*ing thing up.
i used cornstarch,
but you can use arrowroot or agar. i don't care.
1:1 ratio of wet and dry, whisked into a light pink chalky shake,
and added in whilst the heat is turned up....
that'll have the whole thing ready in a flash.
let that cool, and the dough take it easy,
and heat your oven up to 375F at the same time.
do you have a tart pan?
now you know what to ask santa for, right?
the dough was rolled to about 1/4 ", and cut out to fit the bottom,
while the sides were trimmed and pressed in by hand, for thicker walls, ya'll.
the cool raspberry hottness took its turn getting dumped in,
and all of that got lemon zest sprankles on top.
the stars made their appearance, as ornamental magic took shape across the surface.
the sexxxy food is the best food,
especially, and specifically when it comes to treats.
real talk.
that's why the whole thing got fancy decorative sparkly sugar sprankles as well-
too much is the right amount, man.
believe it.
i baked that sweet baby it for about 35 minutes, until the edges started to goldify,
and i confess i ate that slice while it was still just a little warm.
i couldn't help myself.
i'm just sayin',
everywhere i went, in and around the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
that almond lemon berry aromatic activation had me going crazy!!!
the smell alone is worth the effort.
i ate A LOT of that tart myself.
and i shared it.
i'm not a A*-hole.
it's my day off, duders.
it is snowing.
XI-mas shopping needs to be done with much more intensity
than the underenthusiastic effort i've managed thus far.
i mean it-
i have done a fair bit of present-gettin' so far;
and while i know the season is about a whole bunch of sentiment,
and possibly family togetherness,
and warm cocoa and chestnuts or whatever.....
i think it's about gifts.
sorry, bro.
i'm an expert gift-giver not a thought-that-countser.
i think that without a tasty companion to impress,
my motivation to muster up holiday cheer has taken a decided turn downwards.
forty years old and flying solo at the pinnacle of presents and presentation?
it's sort of a nightmare scenario for someone such as i, guys.
yes, on the bright side,
my children will reap the rewards of my undivided focus this year,
but me?
i can count on having a pretty bleak morning, afternoon, and night,
on the eve, the X, and the XI-mas.
i'll bet it only gets even better as the new year,
and another 'nother bullsh!t berfday creep right up behind the big day.
back to back to back,
and blacker and blacker and blacker than black.
i hope y'all are the type to just look at the pictures,
because this christmas card got pretty sh!tty at the end.
the thing of it is,
it's all really happening.
that's the biggest problem with telling true stories-
they hurt;
never quiet, never soft.....

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