Sunday, January 8


i turned 41 yesterday.
i'm IN my forties, now.
that's a weird feeling,
being quantifiably chronologically older,
illogically, (especially physiologically)
holding onto the spirit and memory of a much younger man.
nobody wants to get old,
but everybody wants wisdom.
i resigned myself to being old and busted when my hair first started to thin.
all these years later,
being very old and busted, broke, broken, and yet still kind of dope?
now, i pretty much just want sandwiches.
and like a birthday wish come true,
it's STILL sandwich week.
heck yes it is.
there's 8 days of celebration in this week.
awwwwww man, c'mon,
rules is rules, and by now you should know:
too much is the right amount.
i shouldn't even have to type that after all this time.
but since we're here,
let me show you how i get busy on the morning anniversary of my birth.
check the berfy-d-big-b-type teleport:

pannie-man-cake breakfast muffins!!!
storebought roundies of baconesque pink are a must.
if you can't occasionally indulge in some cruelty-free crapola,
where the only animal harmed is you?
well, you're just a freakin' transcendant levitating angel, aren't you?
on MY berfday, tho,
i want to get expert on some new new turbo-elite superhottness.
and that's exactly what i did.
i got the 3" round tin cutter/form from the cupboard,
and i poured my panniecakes in there one at a time.
i'm not a turdfaced idiot, i also had those potatoes roasting at 405F
all the while.
i pre-roast my homefries now,
and i'm MUCH happier with the results.
as a matter of fact, the extra crispy edges make me totally F*ing PSYCHED.
and getting excited about potatoes is a great way to start a party.
here's the panniecake recipe:
2/3 cup flour;
2 T sugar;
1/2 cup powder-ground old fashioned oats;
1/4 cup ground unsweetened medium flake luxury coconut;
1/4 tsp salt
2 tsp bakey pow
1/2 tsp bakey soda
2 T vegan sourcreme
3 T melted vegan butts
2/3rd cup non-dairy milk
1 1/2 tsp vanilla
^it's thick, it's rich, it's flippin' delish,
and when it rests in the fridge
while you're making weird ramshackle experimental omelettes?
it ends up being the perfect density for dropping into the gently-greased
hot skillet, inside that circle template,
for 5 or six fat stacked circles of optimized berfy-d majesty.
that's a thing.
onwards, now, neighbors, to the new hottness-
weirdie omelettes-
i had an idea,
and it worked out really well.
it was a GOOD idea,
and that's good news.
in the food processor,
i combined:
1/4 block of firm tofu;
1/3 cup garbanzo flour;
2 T soy sauce;
1/4 cup arrowroot powder;
3 T sauteed onion + 1 clove crushed fried garlic;
1 T turmeric;
a copious shakin' of GPOP;
1/4 cup nootch;
black pepper, cayenne pepper;
2 T olive oil-
pureed all in together,
it makes the stickiest , stainiest yellow dough!
also, if you use a very generous, over-the-top, liberal application
of arrowroot to handle the mixture, it doesn't stick to you or anything else.
i dusted it down, spread some on my work surface,
and pressed the yellow bastard into a flat 1/2" block,
and cut out those similar-sized circles, one, two, three.
olive oil on top of each one helped make them a little more luscious-lookin',
and they went in the oven, near those potatoes,
and alongside my dinnertime rolls, for twenty minutes.
holy sh!t.
it's a new thing,
and it's a good thing, and it just might officially be MY thing.
stacked on stacks of pink and pannie,
with a pinch of parsley,
and a dose of my favorite grade-B exxxtra-heavy real maple syrup,
i was in heaven, homies.
happy berfday to ME.
skin-on, ho'sauce-activated homeboyfries, with cilantro sprankles
did a lot to elevate the meal to eleven.
and then,
as if i needed something else to accentuate how expert 
my very first meal of my life at 41 was-
just look at those crispy-fried heirloom tomatoes, with spinach and fennel!!!
oil, tomatoes, and high heat.
if you eff that up,
you might want to just get off the planet.
historical fact:
the first sandwich week was observed in june 2009,
in madison, new hampshire,
at a summer vacation rental house,
and it started on the 6th!
the rules weren't yet written in stone,
and the decrees weren't even being declared way back at that time, dudes.
one day after my main man, and ace numero-uno homeboy,
and generally all-around solid fella, the cucch 
surprised me by showing up  to throw himself an impromptu
delightful cake-filled berfday party in our interim digs,
prior to the purchase of the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
that's no joke.
7.5 years later,
he'll hopefully be here tonight,
for a day-after-MY-berfday sandwich finale!
just goes to show you-
evolution is real, man.
just about everybody we knew back then is long gone-
and they can all go suck farts out of a sock,
but we're still the best of friends,
and we're still 100% on it,
ride-or-die, until the bitter end,
and then all over again,
and again, and again-
we still eat way too much vegan food.
if things all go according to the plan,
tonight is the night, maybe even more than yesterday was the day.
it's all really happening,
and i can live with that;
never quiet, never soft.....

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