i've reached critical mass.
i'm now making more dinners than there are days in a week,
and i think that might be over the limits of overkill.
too much is the right amount,
...don't think i don't know that's the truth...
my body can't fit much more food inside of it.
i've got a prodigious appetite.
that's something all the folks around me know.
if i'm sayin' i'm out of room,
you'd best believe there's no room.
yesterday could've been taco tuesday.
i still had one last semi-semolina whole-wheat sourdough
pizzacrust proofing in the fridge.
there are missing pieces of the preamble to the story.
i mean, i'm letting you know there was one last one.
how about that?
i never even told you about the other three that came before!
there's gargantuan megalodon-gluttony going on
like a marinara mariner's sauce-in-the-water feeding frenzy
all at once, but all behind the flippin' scenes!
like i said, it could've been taco tuesday,
it was time to make some moves,
and go for the gold with a TACO PIZZA!!!
i will NOT pick between two super-agreeable situations.
pizza or tacos?
pizza AND tacos is more like it.
if i can have both, you know i'm gonna, because i've gotta.
in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress test kitchen,
i'm the maestro,
and i'm positive i'll always get what i want for dinner.
check it out:
the crust is crunchy as heck.
and firmer than a crunchy taco, of course.
those are still for sh!t.
after the first bite, this 100% naturally leavened disc stayed intact,
and not once did it splinter into soggy shrapnel.
i made it by reactivating a sourdough starter i'd had sleeping
tucked in at the way back of the refrigerator for months.
this is the original managua masterwork that started it all, y'all,
resurrected and recharged and really freakin' delicious.
i always add lots of vegan butter, onion, nootch, GPOP,
a minced scoople of chilis, and ho'sauce to my refried-style beans.
yeah i do.
i like 'em exxxtra-expert.
they made a great and very solid foundation for all the rest of the stuff.
i got daiya mozzarella, and daiya cheddar on there,
the taco blend, as it were-
and over that i tossed down a heavy handful of black beans,
sauteed with a little bit of onion and oil.
...how about some black olives?
don't mind if i do.
i spooned out scoops of salsa fresca at irregular intervals across the surface.
it's so simple, but it's so delicioso, bro:
1 large tomato;
1/4 cup onion;
2 cloves garlic;
2 T chopped cilantro;
1/4 cup sweet bell pepper
2 T lime juice;
salt and pepper.
i had this marinating for days.
the flavor is incredible as the acids begin to dissolve
and preserve the whole thing at the same time!
it really gave the pie some depth.
i'm not afraid of a little spice.
a few red onion sprankles,
a few more fried garlic sprankles,
and it went right into the oven for 20 minutes,
that seems long, no?
it IS long,
but sourdough doesn't give a sh!t, man.
when it got browned and crusty,
i put the finishing touches to it-
(the sprank game was muy muy experte this time around)
to crank it to eleven,
a drizzle of tahini/lemon/sourcream SAUCE!!!
if only i hadn't eaten a whole other dinner as well.
i'm pigging the F* out.
i don't want to be a big fat blarpity mess.
really, i don't.
the thing of it is-
the flavors are calling me,
and what's more,
remember what i said about three other pizzas?
i did a little of that all week as well.
this one i showed off a little via other social media.
real talk- fried eggplant is SO dope.
salted slices of a small thin-skinned italian jaun,
dredged in a flaxmeal-crushed chia-soymilk-nutritional yeast slurry.
and breaded with semolina, crushed cornflakes, oregano, basil, GPOP,
black pepper, parsley, and arrowroot.
a hot skillet, a big glug of olive oil,
and a flip or two, after a minute of three, to get 'em golden,
and you're cooking up the TRUTH.
it's got hummus instead of sauce,
and sliced cherry tomatoes for a little juice,
fried garlic sprankles,
because rules is rules.
wedges made from sliced circles of daiya provolone
got all kinds of brown and bubbly....
that's pretty sexxxy.
a few sprigs of fresh basil to finish it off.
i ate that like it was my first time having food.
and how about this one:
BROCCOLI RABE IS GREAT!
...if you blanch the bitterness away in boiling h2O for two minutes.
homemade chickpea sausages, activated with all the sauce,
and upgraded to vegan pepperoni through the liberal soaking in
of smoked paprika, hot paprika, fennel, and black pepper.
fried garlic sprankles?
understand this, buddy.
they're great, and pizza tastes better with them on it.
a little nutritional yeast,
a whole lotta thinly-sliced caramelized onions,
and cashew-garlic chee' underneath.
that's the beauty of pizza.
it could be just sauce and bread, and it'd still be AWESOME.
how's that, now?
you want one MORE?
check out the veggie deluxxxe:
I'M ALWAYS EXCITED TO EAT PIZZA!!
heavy on the crushed tomatoes on the bottom,
with no underchee'.
exxxtra daiya, to compensate.
and olive oil drizzles.
OF COURSE i put the spranks on it.
don't be dumb.
that sourdough crust was a winner.
100% wild yeast.
2 cups of semolina
2 cups of a.p. flour
1 cup of ww starter
1 T salt
1 1/2 cups of warm water
1 T vital wheat gluten,
and a whole bunch of no-knead, no joke time.
bulking all day- as in, like, 14 hours.
plus, a cold proof for another 'nother 12 overnight,
before being divided,
packed in individual baggies for convenient pizza dispensation,
and re-refrigerated for at least another 10 hours!
this last one went 72 exxxtra hours in the cooler, with no ill effects at all.
i've got a lot to say about food.
i'm trying to catch up.
i've got b-sides and blooper reels going back as far as thanksgiving.
and in between,
i'm still experimenting,
and ingesting all of it as it unfolds across the kitchen and onto my plates.
i need to get out of this house more, in a non-dog-walking capacity,
or i might become a five-hundred pound boring boar before long;
never quiet, never soft.....