Sunday, January 22


you know i don't just sit idle and lazy-A* my way through every day.
i get up early and i get busy right away-  
yesterday, at the break'a-break'a,
i made some stuff i had laying around into some other better stuff.
i wish there was a better way to describe it....
actually, there IS.
i had about 1/3 cup of buttery, sweet, chocolate graham piecrust crumbles 
left over in the fridge,
a quick scan of the countertop revealed i had scrappy little remainders 
of a whole bunch of other other stuff, too.
i noticed i had 1/3 cup of chocolate granola,
and a handful of chocolate-covered coconut strips,
and a little bitty bottom-of-the-bagful of mini chocolate chips.
when you've got bits and bobs and leavin's,
you shouldn't squander them.
that's not cool.
but what is cool is turning those scraps into solid gold
and that's how it all began.
what i ended up with was something absolutely deep, dark, and decadent-
with a crazy complex texture.
the chocolate bits got melty, 
the granola stayed crunchy, 
the coconut got chewy,
and the piecrumbs disappeared into the cocoa-laced lusciousness of the cake batter.
it tastes like a brownie, 
it looks like a cake, 
it feels like a win.
y'wanna see what it is i'm talking about?
word up.
i thought you'd never ask.
check the brown-on-brown-on-brown-on-brown-type teleport:
it's THICK.
and it's rich, 
but it isn't dense.
i don't really know what happened-
i was essentially taking all the ingredients i could find,
and tossing them into the mixer to see what'd happen next.
that's the secret, i s'pose.
i don't really worry about what comes next in the kitchen.
it's not confidence so much as it's curiosity.
i'm genuinely delighted to experiment,
and i'm excited rather than concerned when there's new food to create.
i save all my impressive anxiety for all the other aspects of my life-
and that's on the public, private, and professional levels.
the worst thing about new treats?
i never know how long to bake them for.
this tall chocolate plug took upwards of 40something minutes, 
steaming away at 350F,
and it still sunk 1/4" in the center when a toothpick came out clean.
the insides had all the exxxtras, so the outsides got the thickest, richest 
chocolate frosting florets all around the rim,
and that's all.
if you wanna start out with the basics, and add your own cup of weird crap,
i think you should, and i hope you do.
the foundation is as follows:
1 cup sugar;
1 stick vegan butters;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla;
1/3 cup cocoa;
^cream that all together, 
and whisk in
3/4 cup vanilla soy yogurt;
when that's all one uniform consistency,
add 2 cups all purpose flour;
2 tsp bakin' kapow;
1 tsp bakin' soda;
1/4 cup tapioca;
1 cup of random sh!t (maybe not marbles or thumbtacks)
1 cup non dairy milk.
when it's all combined, turn up your speed,
and whisk as much air in there as it can handle.
those chocolaty shrapnel scraps will try to thwart your efforts.
don't let them.
pop it in a greased and floured cake pan.
or two shallow cake pans, 
i guess, if that's what you've got.
i bet that'd only take 30 minutes to bake, actually.
it's cake, at first glance.
that's simple.
it didn't behave like cake,
and that's surprising.
a whole heck of a lot of what i make is similar at the fundamental level,
but it's all the activation that sets each treat apart.
i like that.
i caught a COLD.
that worries me.
...not in a hypochondriac way.
i'm not that guy.
i used to have a sort of smarter immune system.
i'm not really joking.
it was as if my antibodies were too smart to succumb 
to the up-here dumb-dumb germs.
nowadays, though, 
i catch just as many of these icky 'itises that circulate through
the woodsly goodness as anybody else.
that's not exactly a cause for celebration.
we might infer that never sleeping isn't super healthy,
or that stress has lowered my resistance to these minor inconveniences,
maybe it isn't exhaustion,
i've just exhausted my defenses against these 'necktard nerve agents,
and now i'm just as susceptible to suckery as the locals.
that's sooo budget.
i mean, 
i'm over here eating ALLLLL the magical vegan nutrients,
and i'm sniffling just the same as the energy-drink-chuggin' fast-food F*ers.
i'm not about to defect to the dark side,
i just miss feeling smug in my safe and secure good health.
oh, well.
i guess everything ends eventually.
luckily that goes for colds, too.
i'm sore in spots i never consider, 
i'm drippin' and coughing and sneezing,
and i'm about to spread the cheer to all my clients today.
that's how it goes, bros.
i'm giving back to the community, 
and i'm crossing my fingers for a fast-acting development of immunity
to this ear, nose, and throat congestion.
it's warmish during the day, comparatively,
but i'm coldish whenever i'm not feverish, 
and despite regulating the temperature of every indoor area i occupy,
i'm riding a roller coaster of chills and sweats.
i'm gonna try to impose my will on my white blood cells,
and pep talk them into doing their job a little better.
...being inconvenienced by a minor illness is pretty much bullsh!t.
it's all really happening, 
and it seems we can either make the most of it,
or we can make a mess of it.
i know what side i'm on;
never quiet, never soft.....

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