Monday, January 2


january first fell on a sunday.
you know what that means, right?
where've you been, then?
i'm just sayin'-
it's well known in these parts that ANY month that starts on sunday
gets an eight-day dose of celebration.
there's gonna be steady shark-gluttony,
stuck, stuffed, stacked, and smashed between bread.
you get it yet?
that's riiiiiiiiiight-
sunday the first means one thing:
it's motherF*ing sandwich week!!!!!
rules is rules, neighbors.
and you know i get into the goodness on the premier day of every month with a treat.
i had to hook up something special,
and of course, it had to be a sandwich.
rabbit, rabbit,
happy new year,
welcome january,
and oh, joy! and exultation,
happy sandwich week!.......
check the chocolate-chocolate-pie-pie-type teleport:

these things aren't much fun to make,
but they aren't too time consuming, so that's good.
i even have a whoopie pan, for making them relatively even-sized and shaped.
i'm like that.
i don't much like gadgets,
oh how i do so love a good site-specific pan.
let me begin with that filling, just because-
whoopie poopie
2 cups kapowdered sugar
1/4 cup cocoa
3 T vegan creamchee'
4 T vegan butts
1 tsp vanilla
4 T vegan yogurt
^smooth, thick, pudding-ish, with more body and less droop,
and all of it just what the new year ordered in between those brown buns.
word up.
the buns themselves are simple, too.
i essentially copied PETA's example.
and while i couldn't give a crap about celebrities getting naked because fur is gross,
i can get into a good whoopie recipe by whoever.
this one works well.
tell you what,
i'll make 'em naked, to protest the fur trade.
just be prepared to convince yourself that
any stray hairs you might find are from my beard.
awwwwwww, man, i ruined it.
here's my modified recipe for the pie-cakes:
cream up 6 T butts;
1 cup of coconut sugar;
a dash of salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/3 cup cocoa-
when that's all sloppy,
add in 3 T vegan yogurt-
whisk ALL that until blended,
and then toss in 2 cups of a.p. flour;
plus 2 tsp baking kapowder-
pour in 1 cup of non-dairy milk,
and whisk it all up until it's a big ol' fluffy mess.
i s'pose you could just drop spoonfuls on parchment,
but i got the pan, man, so i do that.
it made 16 individual cakes,
start out with small scooples,
and add more batter to 'em until they're all even.
they get baked for 11 minutes at 375F,
let 'em cool, completely, and cream that middle right on up.
i gave mine the festive sprankles, obvi,
because it's a new year and a sandwich week,
and those're two great reasons to celebrate.
treats are a key element to beginnings.
it's an auspicious superstitious obsessive compulsion i have.
i'm ok with it.
i mean,
i have whoopie pies now, and that's great news.
and you KNOW what i had for breakfast, right?
don't be dumb.
i had a sandwich.
it was just what i needed, too,
before a looooong drive with little to reward for my journey.
check out this bagel business, bros:

fried tofu, weird vegan bacon roundies,
microgreens, boston lettuce, and a toasted buttery almost-everything bagel.
i get into the spirit of the thing.
i get to spend the rest of this homemade holiday alone.
the children are safely snugged in their real home,
and the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress is MUCH quieter,
and way lamer,
without those two teen terrors to keep me company.
we had a great time.
or, i did, anyway,
and i miss them a whole lot......
but the show must go on, man.
and these sandwiches aren't gonna make themselves,
so i s'pose i'll have to eat my feelings on a bun,
and make the most of the time i have to myself, by myself, with myself.
this is it,
and it's only day two;
never quiet, never soft.....

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