Thursday, January 5


yeah, man,
make a break for it, and fast-
and break yo'self on a superior slice of specialty somethin'-somethin'.
i'm trying to let you neighbors know about what's up.
and y'all over here not even recognizing that the hottness is all around you,
all it needs is a bun, hun.
it's sandwich week,
and this sh!t is no joke.
because time wasn't as much of an issue without work looming ahead of me
as the dark turned to light turned to day and so on......
i bumped up the big burly barbarian berserker business,
and made myself a big breakfast 'guini,
but damn me for a diaperbabyb!tchbag if i didn't also sexxx it up
with the perfect cobination of fixin's.
wordimus prime.
i'm not even bragging, bro.
i'm just telling the truth.
real life documentarianism doesn't suffer from excessive exaggeration.
check the frittata-be-kidding-me-type teleport:

i confess to utilizing store-bought bread.
i impulse purchased a very crusty baguette,
and while i know that there's no shame in it,
i'm still slightly salty towards myself for the indulgence.
i buttered and toasted my bread,
and i mixed up relish-ish.
make your own:
1/4 cup chopped tomato
1 tsp toasted caraway seeds
1 tsp olive oil
1 T chopped scallion
and salt and pepper,
which marinated in it's own tastiness until it was time to join the rest of the meal.
i used alderwood-smoked sea salt and olive oil
to baste a bunch of shiitake mushrooms,
which i baked in the oven at 350F,
until they were 50% less wet than when i started.
that's like probably 15-20 minutes?
check on 'em, and adjust to your preferred level of doneness, man.
for being thin 'shroom strips, they sure had that thickness on lock.
and the smoky, salty firmness they brought to the table
kept my tastebuds turnt with every bite.
i'm serious.
and that relish-ish and those not-mushy 'rooms only served to activate
the superstar slab of tofu-type super-official expert eggless frittata
making all the breakfast magic, smack dab in the middle.
how did i do it?
i sauteed a big ol' sliced shallot (big for a shallot anyway)
with a clove of crushed garlic, in plenty of olive oil,
and i put that in a bowl,
to which i added five spears of seared and chopped asparagus.
and generous GPOP,
and salt and pepper,
and turmeric,
and a T each of fresh parsley and cilantro.....
that was all fine and dandy,
it was the 1/2 block of firm semi-drained tofu;
with a splash of soy;
a spoonful of rice vinegar;
a dash of cayenne;
a T of flour,
2 T of arrowroot;
and a handful of nutritional yeast,
food processed into a pulp,
that bulked up all the add-ons,
-that's right, you add the one to the other, and they team-up to
turn a bowlful of wet veg into a rectangle of awesomeness-
i made a little right-angled form out of foil,
and pressed the rest right on in there.
that baked next to the shiitakes,
and then for another 'nother 15 or so minutes,
until the surface cracked,
and the moosh of the tofu was tremendously reduced.
holy heckfire and buttholes!
i added a few spicy microgreens to make it pretty,
and from the first touch of my teeth to the crust,
i was in a state of breakfast bliss that improved my mood,
and drove me to greater feats of sandwich strength.
i mean it.
i might've stacked the deck with advanced sandwich preparation.
i'm not ashamed.
frittata sandwiches are expert.
that is a decree.
i think i forgot to include my brekkie bun from the other other day, friends.
was it as epic as yesterday?
was it still rad?

breakfast is important, man.
and homemade bread tastes better, usually.
fried tofu, baconical brick-colored roundies,
vegenaise, tomato, pickles
and greenlets got it going ON.
i'm ever more excited about sandwiches.
for realsies.
i bet i could go on and on for even longer,
if not for my drastically diminished pizza count.
the pizza platelets in my slipstream bloodlines get low,
and then,
it's pandemonium, bedlam, chaos, and ultimately, despair.
so, maybe i'll make a pizza sandwich?
sounds lame, but maybe.
MORE sandwiches are on their way, friends.
get ready,
or get lost;
never quiet, never soft.....

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