Sunday, January 8


on your berfday, you should have cake.
that's a thing.
at he very least, you should have a treat, with a minimum of one candle,
to summon up the spirit and memory of the past,
and also the present, and probably the future,
and snuff out the light, much like life is trying to do to you anyway.
my point is: there should be cake.
if it's your berfday,
AND it's sandwich week,
AND you've had panniecakes already?
then it's time to get a little more creative, isn't it?
i think so, neighbors,
and i did so.
check the berfy-d-treats-type teleport:

wordimus prime.
classic rock bloxxx, modified to make flattie-boombatty sandwich patties,
just as expert as the regular jauns,
but way more effective at ice-creaming.
i've written out the rock bloxxx recipe out
the most often of anything i've ever made-
this one is marginally different although still consistent with
the overall combination of ingredients.
i'll give it to you just because:
flat rockbloxx
1 1/4 cups brown sugar;
1 stick + 4 T vegan butterish;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla;
cream that sh!t up,
and whisk in-
3/4 cup unsweetened applesauce-
when that's a wet sloppy mess,
2 1/2 cups a.p. flour;
1/2 cup ground oatmeal flour;
1/2 cup ground coconut;
2 tsp bakey powpow;
1 tsp bakey soda;
2/3rd bag dark chocolate chips
it should be a bit dry, but sticky.
if it's TOO dry, drizzle in a liottle maple syrup, or agave.
that's good for you, but go easy.
we want it pliable, but not wet!
the thing about big chocolate chips?
they're strong when they're cold.
so, when i'm rolling out the dough, on a well-floured surface,
i let the chips determine the depth of the thing.
they won't squish, so they'll stop the pin from spreading the batter too thin.
and that's awfully nice.
so, from there,. it's cut and cut and cut, with the big circle cookie-cutout i've got,
or whatever glass of cup or lid you'd prefer,
until the dough is all used up.
i got enough for 10 biggies, and a more modestly sized exxxtra one.
baked for 13 minute at 375F,
these babes were perfection itself.
no kiddin'.
the ice cream in the centers is store-bought vegan so delicious goodness.
coconut vanilla, cashew caramel cluster, almond milk snickerdoodle,
i mean, use whatever you like, i just used whatever i had-
but, here's a neat trick-
in order to make it look nicey-nice,
i put plastic wrap inside the circle-mold, and pressed the cream in there,
snugly and firmly, and tight to the edges, so i could remove it,
mess free and already wrapped for a little refreeze solidification.
it just may be.
with perfect ice cream patties,
and prefect rock block flatties,
all that was left to do, prior to combining both,
as to activate the tops.
i mean, c'mon,.
it's a F*ing berfday party.
we can't have that weak sh!t being the best we can do.
not when we already all know what we're capable of.
are we gonna start being lazy at 41?
no wa.
melted chocolate ganache stripes,
AND cocoa icing,
AND powdered freeze-dried strawberry icing all got activated.
ganache is easy-
a 1/4 cup of chocolate chips;
a splash of soymilk;
a splish of vanilla;
a scoop of powdered sugar;
low heat, and stirring.
the icing is also pretty straightforward-
a few teaspoons of powdered berries, with vanilla,
in a 1/3 cup of powdered sugar,.
and drop after drop of soymilk, until it's all sorts of thick,
but wet enough to squeeze out of the corner of a plastic sandwich bag
(a.k.a. mini makeshift pastry decorator).
cocoa is the same, only, use twice as much of that brown hottness.
it has strange properties, and more is always better.
once they were assembles, i let 'em sit out until the creamy edges
were jussssssst soft enough to dip into some sprankles,
and a little chocolate-chunk granola,
different ice creams,
different topside decorations,
and different spranks.
i do berfdays the same as i do everything else-
too much is the right amount.
that's all i ever want.
i used to want somebody to make my birthday into a huge deal.
i mean,
i LOVE birthdays,
always have.
just, not mine all that much.
because i want the big affectionate get-spoiled deluxxe big deal delights,
i sure as sh!t don't want to have to do all the planing and preparations,
and i definitely don't want to have to demand those things from others.
i want that stuff, because i'll freely admit i'm SO about that stuff,.
but i hate that nobody has ever taken the initiative to want to do that....
i mean sure, over a decade ago, i had a pretty epic 30th surprise party.
eleven years later,
i made my own everything and walked crabtree for hours.
i guess,
as i've gotten older, i haven't gotten any more likable,
but i sure have gotten a whole heck of a lot better
at dealing with and surviving near-lethal doses disappointment.
hope is a heck of a thing.
it's actually worse for you than expectation.
expectations imply probability.
hope is more of the province of distant possibility.
it's all really happening,
and it's no big deal;
never quiet, never soft.....

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