Monday, January 23


what's the coolest dinosaur?
it's my favorite, anyway.
those triple horns? dope.
the frilly armored collar? dope.
the fact that it's a real life vegan monster from the far flung past,
a preposterous beak-mouthed precursor to all the coolest vegetarians?
sure, lots of people tell me lots of different things about dinosaurs.
that's no joke.
i get it, guys-
-tyrannosaurus has tiny arms... hilarious.
-'raptors are so smart (they're the size of turkeys, you jurassic fanboys)
-longnecks are so cute. (that's a land before time film series reference.
you're reaaaaalllly young if you don't get it- they made F*ing 30 of them)
here's the thing-
if you don't like triceratops?
you're probably a jerk.
i'll even allow for him to be in your top 3.
but if he does't take the bronze?
i don't know if we're friends, man.
sometimes time is of the essence,
and ingredients are at a minimum.
and adorable delights are lacking in my actual
real-time 360surround-sound high-def life.
...when that happens,
i just go for broke by going after what i like.
and what do i like?
put it all together and what do you get?
check the teleport:

and speaking of dinosaur cuties:

shout out to my kids for being expert.
and expert is as expert does;
which is exxxactly why i made triple-colored-tri-horn treats!!
here's the set-up:
oven: 375F, in advance.
cream together in a medium bowl:
1 cup of sugar;
1 stick + 3 T vegan butters;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/2 tsp lemon exxxtract;
zest of  1/2 lemon.
add in:
2+ cups flour;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 tsp baking powder;
2 T vegan yogurt;
1 T lemon juice;
get it nice and uniform,
and roll out the dough pretty thin.
the thinner you make it, the crispier the cookies,
and the more of them you'll get.
no pressure.
i like a fat triceratops myself.
after the first blonde lemony dozen,
complete with cutout hearts,
i separated the dough into handfuls,
and added 2 T cocoa to one,
and 2 T strawberry powder (pulverized freeze dried strawberries) to the other.
there you go, bro.
three flavors.
the heart cutter was the same, so the hearts were the same,
so it was a simple matter to switch 'em out,
and maxxximize the super-cuteness of my dinotreats!!
bake 'em for 12 minutes, and you'll have dozens of perfect crunchy,
sweet, sugary buttercookie thunder lizards for lunch!
i LOVE triceratops.
i LOVE a quick, easy, lovely, cool-looking treats.
in this instance, too much is the right amount
but of the finished product.
i must've made 4 dozen at least.
that's a lot of dinosaurs.
and that's just what we need.
the one thing about baking versus cooking in winter?
i feel my aesthetic is divergent.
maybe you've noticed?
here's the thing-
i'm primarily a baker in the mornings,
i'm always up early,
feeding the sourdough starter,
stretching the loaves i've got leavening,
mixing butters and sugars and flours,
and doing all of that for hours
before i head out to walk the dog, run some errands, go to work,
and by the time i'm done doing all of the obligatory responsible adult tedium?
it's dark out.
that means i have reliably better lighting for cookies and cakes,
and as such,
i feel like there's more sophistication in the set-up still life scenery
of my cakes and cookies (even when they're ceratopsian)
than when it's post-civil-twilight, and after sunset-
that's when you'll find me doing some serious crop-and-edit artistry
under the artificial daylight of a megawatt bulb.
i just get this suspicion that i'm making cakes for ladies,
and food for dudes,
solely on the captured imagery i'm capable of cultivating and curating
under the available conditions that time and place determine.
it all TASTES great.
that much i'll stand up for, and assure each and every last one of you of.
but, it looks like two different dudes are making it.
at least, it does to me anyway,
and i'm the one doing all the work.
maybe there's some truth to that?
i'm just sayin'-
the probability of being multifaceted is likely increased
by being multi-disciplinarily inclined.
i've just got a thousand and one faces to show,
and the nighttime dinner situation is NOT the same
as the dawn's early dough display.
i'm okay with that.
it's all really happening,
there's just more to it than i may have originally thought;
never quiet, never soft.....

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