Tuesday, January 24


from out of nowhere,
like an assassin's bullet,
the lightning-striking dinnertime blitzkrieg hit me full force!!
that's no joke-
i was wondering,
all damned day,
just what in the heck i was gonna do for dinner.
i had plenty of time to ponde the mealplan,
as all of my clients didn't bother to show up.
not one.
honestly, it was pretty cool. juts this once,
because i got the opportunity to climb into a new painting,
a valentine, in fact,
and that was the first time in a long time i had enough minute
strung together to get into some non-skin no-blood art-making.
i wouldn't want to make a habit of it.
i prefer going to work and making those sweet stacks of fabulous moolah.
i started my february stuff early,
and i made all the phone calls i'd been procrastinating,
(guys, who else hates making appointments?)
with a surge of non-profit productivity swelling my senses,
i headed home to the unknown quantity, and hidden variables
of a monday night meal for one.
here's the thing-
luck was still on my side!
i wasn't home any longer than it takes to engage in a very affectionate
super-roll-around floor-cuddle with crabtree,
before the solution came to me.
what haven't i had in a while that is totally expert;
as well as indulgent;
and mother-effing DELICIOUS?!
there's only one thing, man.
i went all in, and i went all out,
and i went after it like savage stormswept starving shark-glutton of the first order.
i'm over here trying to have GOOD days, dudes.
and the key is not to wimp out around suppertime.
on the ones,
i went a little bit rogue on my falafel,
and it's non-traditional as a mo'fug.
i'll tell you something, bro-
i regret not one motion of my new methodology.
check the falafel-style-new-balls-type teleport:

are those homemade flatbreads?
of course they are.
don't be dumb.
for serious-
once you get yourself started on that path,
it's very difficult to go backwards to those stiff storebought jauns.
real talk.
i did these breads like so:
1 cup flour;
1/4 cup brown rice flour;
1 tsp wheat gluten;
1/4 tsp salt;
2 T yogurt;
1 T olive oil;
black pepper;
1 tsp bakey powpow
1/4 tsp baking soda;
1 tsp lemon juice;
1/4 cup hot water.
+ brown rice flour for de-sticking, and dusting.
knead it, blend it, and pull it apart into 3 equally-sized blops.
i pat 'em, and pulled 'em, and eventually rolled them round with a pin an' that.
each one gets a zap of oil in a skillet, on high heat,
and each side cooks for a minute or two- it'll bubble,m it'll puff up, and you will love it.
six sides, three breads, one mission:
hold the fillings together at all costs.
i made my falafel-ish balls differently, as i mentioned.
in fact,
i went completely off-book, and off-road,
and forged a whole new something for my mouth.
i mean it.
instead of relying on binders to hold a bunch of beans in place,
i added a bunch of beans to a starch in the first place.
those potato fritters i've been messing around with are so freakin' good,
i tried to use that template as a basis for more than just the one style.
it worked like a charm,
and i'll be doing more with this in the fiture for sure.
what's the recipe?
roughly, it's this:
1 potato, diced;
1/4 onion;
salty water.
boil that sh!t up until it's soft.
set aside.
-in a separate bowl, combine:
1/4 cup whole chick peas;
1/4 cup chick pea flour;
2 T arrowroot;
lots of parsley, cilantro, thyme;
a healthy shake of crushed red pepper, black pepper, cumin, cayenne;
a little bit of coriander, ground mustard, sumac ;
splash of soy sauce;
splash of ho'sauce;
drizzle of olive oil...
now you'll add the 'tatoes and onions,
and mash it all up.
the arrowroot should starch it up fairly quickly, but,
you may wanna shake a little on the surface before you handle it.
don't worry. it all gets absorbed into the mix, and it all tastes great.
i started by making big balls.
that was dumb.
i adjusted them to half that size,
and ended up pan-frying them in hot oil for about 3 minutes per side,
so the tops and bottoms were crispy, and the centers were hot, but softish.
they looked so flippin' good, i had to tune up a handful while i cooked.
that's a statement i rarely make, neighbors.
i'm not much for sampling before the big headfirst heapin' helpin' is served.
this was a special circumstance, wherein my excitement got the best of me.
the new hottness should never be ignored, y'know?
that's right.
so, we got our bread sorted.
and we got falafzzz poppin' off exxxtra hot and juicy.
now we just need to sexxx 'em up.
you KNOW i'm not scared to add some fixin's.
no way.
i gotta pack 'em full of flavor.
rules is rules.
NObody likes a wimpy falafel.
there's hummus on there, of course,
and thinly shaved red onion, for that ZING.
pickles are a must,
(i used little gherkins, and sliced 'em myself, for the cutest little circles)
pepperoncinis aren't optional. they're mandatory.
if you've ever been interested in how to make a falaf' more expert?
...this is it.
that vinegary tang is the balls with all of these balls.
parsley, purple cabbage, and cilantro, with lemon juice, was the right choice.
cool, crisp, crawnchy, all at once.
is that it?
of course not-
too much is the right amount.
we got ourselves some homemade salsa fresca picante,
only it's straight from the fridge where those flavors had been marrying together.
hot and cold is where it's at.
these big burly foldovers are molto molto dope.
it's almost gross that i terrorized all three by my lonesome.
i'd have hated to have even one less bite.
that's how good they were.
and there's still the sauces to consider.
sriracha is good for you.
it's on there.
tahini is good, too. the more lemony the better.
this batch was a concentrated combo of citrus and creaminess
that really held it's own among all those other huge flavors.
how could that get any better?
coolwater cukes for cleansing the palette,
lemon wedges for squeezing,
and just to make sure the taste went to eleven?
sumac sprankles for the WIN.
you think that's a lot of work for one sandwich?
for starters,
it was THREE sandwiches.
and also,
if you aren't trying to get fresh with the flavor,
what the heck are you even doing?
what are you?
some kind of a half an A*-hole?
don't you think you deserve the dopeness?
i know i do.
and although it's up to me to make it happen,
i'm relieved,
because that's the one way i can be sure that it will.
big action on the stovetop,
big action on my plate,
big action in my bellyhole-
take the time to take it to the next level.
it's worth it;
never quiet, never soft.....

1 comment:

Beznarf27 said...

Flatbread AND falafel recipes? I wouldn't expect any less from the maestro of meals. Delish! Perfect bbq food for we farthest flung middle aged penniless student hippies in Tasmania. The only thing that could possibly make these even better is if we finally got around to building that wood fired pizza oven out in the back yard and cooked them in that. Now there's an idea...