Friday, April 7


taking it to eleven.
that's the whole point of a super banh banh.
it's like driving on the auto-banh.
oh. c'mon.
that's clever.
but, for real, though.
a good sandwich goes a long way.
in fact,
a good sandwich will always improve a bad day,
and make a great day a tremendous and fantastic one.
that's a thing.
and i think i may have decreed that avocado needs to happen from now on, 
on every banh mi, in place of 'sgusting pate'.
it's got the fat and the smoosh, 
but it's not a horror-movie outtake of engorged ground-up organs.
which, to my mind, is SO F*ing gross.
rule is rules, and i had avocado on hand,
with a bit of morning prep,
my dinner plan was firmly in place well in advance of dinner time.
there was even talk of a dinner guest,
but circumstances prevented her attendance.
if i believed in fate,
i'd say that the universe wants me to suffer alone, 
and eat myself to death like a fat, bloated wallowing hog..
i DON'T believe in fate.
that was a close call.
in fact,
instead of reading negatively into events as they unfolded,
i took the opportunity to really tune up and dial in my big bang banh business.
no sense in wasting the time and ingredients, am i right?
just check it out through the mother-flipping teleport:
that bread is like a focaccia baguette.
it's soft.
it's sexy.
it's crusty.
it's firm to the tooth,
and it tastes like heaven.
wanna make some?
do this:
2 cups flour;
1 pkg yeast;
1 tsp salt;
3 glugs olive oil;
2 pats of soft butterish;
1 tsp sugar-
3/4 cup warm water,
1 tsp bread machine yeast,
squirt of agave.
beat all that up together in your mixer,
and add more water/flour if it looks to dry/wet.
give it a good five minutes of heavy hitting dough hookery,
and let it rise for about 30 minute, covered,
while you heat your oven up to 450F.
punch it down, cut it into thirds, shape it, oil the tops, score it,
and give it another 'nother 30 to proof up and look all nicety nice,
before baking all of that for about 15 minutes.
i hope you're ready to make some serious supper sarnies with these delights.
if you're not,
you'd better take a minute to GET ready,
because hottness if exploding outwards from this point on.
it's well known how i feel about food-
too much is the right amount.
but when it comes to this superior serving of sexxxiness,
it's ALL bout the stacks on stacks on stacks.
that's right.
and the key to good stacks is properly planning your layers.
real talk.
real 'guini guys don't play.
it's serious stack-attacking when the assembly is underway.
like competitive jenga, almost..
what's the lineup?
it goes a little something like this-
flat slab pickles, 
thinly shaved red onion,
black-pepper seared pickle-brine-soaked thin-sliced seitan,
(the flavor and the process are all in the name)
pea tendrils,
avocado, which has all the sticky squishy glue you'll need, 
to affix the tendrils and the next layer, 
which is the rice vinegar/sugar/salt-pickled carrots and radishes.
over that, there's fried fat slabs of  GPOP-activated tofu,
microgreens, for colorful sexxxiness,
cilantro sprigs for that fresh flavor,
fresh jalapeno rings to heat things up,
and all of that is layered on a buttery toasted roll,
with vegan mayo and sriracha spread on top.
essentially, on the whole,
it's pretty much the best thing ever to go in your face.
and i got to eat two.
shoutouts to being alone not always being the worst part.
spicy fries, with smoky sriracha ketchup?
don't mind if i do.
sarnies and fries get along, so they show up together often.
double cabbage, lime zest, parsley, carrot, radish, and spring onion,
in a slap of salted vegenaise?
slaw for that jaw is the law,
cukes and stuff?
coolwater veggies are always welcome on my plate, kids.
i love 'em.
the big action.
the super-deluxxe.
the big banh theory.
all of that.
i think about it fondly,
i put it into practice.
and when it's over, i reminisce over it.
if you aren't that into sandwiches,
might i suggest elevating your sandwich game until you ARE.
i'm not the boss of you
and i'm not telling yo what to do-
but, maybe you'll try it out-
you just might discover something good about yourself;
never quiet, never soft.....

No comments: