Monday, April 10


i knew i had a second dough waiting for me.
and that's the thing, man.
it's just calling to me from the fridge,
begging me to deepen my dishes into even doper deliciousness.
you think that's easy?
it really kind of is.
pizza is one of those things that's so expert,
you almost have to give in to temptation.
and with the dough all proofed and ready,
i'd be a real A*-hole to squander such a tasty opportunity
to make a magnificent meal in one prefect circle.
so, i did just that,
despite growing concerns over my growing waist.
pizza will overturn all rulings,
undermine all regimes,
and infiltrate all attempts at dieting.
pizza is the TRUTH,
and pizza is life, my dudes.
y'wanna see the closest i've allowed myself to come to a traditional chicago jaun?
you do?!
well, isn't good news-
because that's what's poppin' through this teleport:

pizza is my favorite part of any day that has pizza in it.
look at those fried garlic slabs on top!
and a dusting of nootch, too?
those parsley sprankles on all that chunky tomato magic don't hurt, either.
if we delve deeper,
you know what we'll find?
that's my favorite part about the deep d.
there's so much to discover.
arugula and daiya mozzarella?
we got that.
sausage-seasoned seitan?
that's right.
a from-scratch batch of my custom homemade seitan is always a good move.
you ever make seitan?
you might wanna try it, because it's F*ing expert.
real talk.
here's the recipe, just in case you're feeling adventurous later:
1 cup vital wheat gluten;
1/4 cup garbanzo bean(chick pea) flour;
3 T tapioca starch;
heavy teaspoonfuls of Garlic Powder and Onion Powder;
black pepper;
3/4 cup warm broth, with 1 T tamari, and a splash of liquid smoke.
^knead and combine and mix, and mash, and roughhouse that into a strandy ball,
and let it rest a short while,
as a potful of smoky salty barbarian broth rises to a boil.
basically, the bigger version of the interior seitan sauce,
to simmer it in, is essential.
slice the dough into slabs, 1/4" thick or so,
and drop them into the power-charging brothy juice bath!
bring it all back up to a boil,
but drop the heat down to a simmer,
and let 'em soak for at least 30 minutes, but up to an hour is perfectly fine.
keep 'em immersed in their own juice to store 'em,
and use 'em within a week for best results.
i fried up some of that good stuff in olive oil,
minced into little crumblies,
with sweet peppers, and fennel and sage and GPOP,
black pepper, liquid smoke, smoked paprika, oregano, parsley,
rosemary, and fire-roasted tomato flakes.
that went in, and sat on top of even MORE daiya mozzarella,
and a layer of daiya cheddar,
which, in turn, was laid out on a layer of caramelized onions,
and that just happened to hit bottom on a slappy slather
of homemade cashew-garlic-tofu underchee'......
that's a pretty major undertaking of an evening.
baked away in a buttered springform, for twenty minutes,
at an unbearably hot 490F,
for the maxxximum golden flaky bambam boomfire in a perfect circle.
....and it's deeeeeeeeeep.
so deep,
in fact,
that i was waxing philosophical without realizing it.
i'd lapsed into esoteric thoughts after just two bites!
sausagey, peppery, oniony, aruguly (that's a thing),
and SO flippin' tomato and garlicky,
not to mention triple cheesy!!!
if you aren't down to do harm to yourself in the name of nutrition and deglutition,
masochism and mastication,
well, then,
you certainly aren't going to get invited over here for supper.
that's for sure.
two deep dishes of delicious in one week?
that was a good idea.
both times,
i presumed incorrectly i'd have company.
how silly is that?
almost every night of this year,
and the whole of the tail end of the last one,
i've eaten alone.
i got some sort of notion that i was luring in folks,
with this alluringly lurid, lascivious lusciousness.
somewhere along the way, i got it twisted, i s'pose,
but it does have a happy ending-
that's riiiiight:
MORE mutha-'ucking pizza for ME.
and i had allllll the pizza.
it's hard to be disappointed when there's pizza.
and the only way to keep it up?
never don't have pizza.
i think i'm ready to live that life;
never quiet, never soft.....

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