Sunday, April 9


pee eye zee zee ayy...
that's better.
you're gonna wanna check the teleport:

i thought i was going to have company.
and an early berfday party was planned.
it did not work out.
the inconstancy of my invitee is eternal,
and she was predictably absent.
i made banh mi the first night.
and with the no-show providing my plates with doubled servings,
i ate like a gluttonous gargantuan warlord at a victory feast.
to be conciliatory, and tolerant,
i rescheduled,
and, of course, even the reschedule fell through, too.
inconstant- i said.
here's the thing:
the make-up dinner was something i thought more appropriate to partying,
since there ain't no party like a pizza-pants party,
'cuz a pizza-pants party don't stop.
that damnably damaging deep dish dispensation of doughy dopeness did the deed, indeed.
so, how about a pizza party, for one?
.....mmmmmm. don't mind if i do, duders.
you see it up there.
that thick, tall, crispy, buttery, flaky crust!
that's the stuff, no doubt.
how's i make this one?
like the future of all relationships depended on it.
(and if that were true, there would've success somewhere besides the oven)
what's IN it?
that makes more sense.
here's the recipe:
2 cups flour;
1 cup semolina flour;
2 tsp salt;
1 pkg 2 1/2 tsp cultivated commercial yeast;
1 tsp sugar;
3 T cornmeal;
4 T melted vegan butts;
3/4 cup hot water;
1/4 cup non-dairy milk;
1 1/2 tsp bread-machine-style superfast activated yeast;
knead all of that for 5-10 minutes,
depending on whether you're using machinery or manual labor,
and let it bulk until double in size ~30-45 minutes.
punch it down, refrigerate it for at least 6 hours, all day, or even better, overnight.
before you divide it in two,
and press it up and around the edges of a 9' buttered springform pan.
that's right, homies.
you'll get two outta that dough batch.
as a matter of fact, i'm most likely going to have another 'nother one tonight.
i think i can hear you wondering: is there a lot of chee'?
lemme let you in on a little truth i've gleaned during all my years on this earth:
too much is the right amount.
so F* yeah there's a lot of chee'.
cashew-garlic tofu underchee',
the numero uno pizza pie evolution of vegan hottness is the modern age.
that's the first layer of the stacks on stacks.
next, daiya mozzarella.
and above that?
caramelized onions, and a little parsley.
and on top of that,
there's more daiya.
followed by shredded radicchio and crispy baconish striplets.
no sense in wasting that storebought brick-colored stuff.
more chee'?
and over that,
there's broth-braised broccoli florets and fried garlic sprankles.
heck yeah.
one last daiya spread,
and the chunky crushed tomatoes went on heavy.
....followed by , soymilk-thinned, arrowroot-re-thickened, mashed daiya activated
cashew garlic burrata-be-kidding me overchee'.
WU-TANG, my dudes.
and once it was baked, at 490, for twenty terribly long tortuous minutes?
parsley, and radicchio, on top, to decorate the surface with party time confetti.
so cute.
and that's how you overload a deep dish like you mean business.
i surely intend to conduct a serious series of transgressive transactions
with each and every pizza i come across.
to be honest,
i only demolished 2/3rds of this bomber.
ending up alone again, with plans deteriorating behind the scenes,
and without any updates of the pizza-enjoying status of my intended guest,
kind of had me feeling a little out of sorts.
a little info, a baby bit of communication, a tidbit of time taken to apprise a guy,
instead of a get-stood-up surprise for a guy..........
it would've been nice.
the pizza, however, did NOT disappoint.
strange how the aspects of an evening that i can steer, direct and actively guide
are always the ones that go well.
or, maybe it's not that strange.
i may not be stolid or staid,
but i sure am solid and staunch...
you guys remember that song, back in the day, by H2O?
i'll bet you don't.
you were all too busy doing other stuff.
it's called self-reliable,
and i had it rolling around in my head the entire time
that the pizza process was in progress.
maybe you'll listen to it,
maybe that'll make some sense.
maybe you'll get it,
maybe not.
no matter.
it's all really happening,
with or without you.
and that goes double for pizza parties.
can't stop.
won't stop.
don't ever ever ever stop;
never quiet, never soft.....

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