it's no big secret that i tattoo a lot.
six days a week,
with very few exceptions,
for the last five years in a row,
plus thirteen years of regularly scheduled tattzappin' action before that.
but i'm not crazy busy.
and while i tattoo a lot,
i'm not tattooing a lot of what i'd like to.
you'd almost wonder if i was even any good.
here's the thing-
when you do a ton of tattoos that you don't fall into one stylistic category,
you get the privilege of doing tons of tattoos that are really different.
up here, though,
where redneckery and the 'cult of the mom' are rampant,
that means doing a holy sh!t-ton of hunting and fishing tattoos,
and also a buttload of smallish kid-tribute birthstone-colored whatevers.
it's not terrible in the movie checks department...
-that marinara money don't come cheap, son-
but's it's hell on the self-esteem some days.
no, for real.
i'm not too good to do any ol' regular-A* tattoos.
i gave up on that inadvertently aggrandized ego sh!t long ago.
it's still really just kind of nice to be appreciated for what i CAN do,
rather than just employed to do the doo-doo these dudes desire.
that's probably why i bake so much stuff, neighbors.
all that self-directed creativity has to go somewhere, right?
i'll be the tattoo janitor for now-
cleaning up all the crap that comes in-
but i'm gonna keep on keepin' it real as the maestro in this kitchen, kid.
that's no joke.
it's also no big secret that i really like coconut.
i use a lot of it in the stuff i make,
i eat a lot of whatever that happens to be.
coconut is GOOD, dudes.
and i've got another 'nother set of treats that showcase it's super-sexxxiness.
i am getting more and more psyched on soft and spongy cakes, neighbors.
check the teleport:
GRAHAM FLOUR IS DELICIOUS!!!
and it's 1/3 of the overall mass in the middle of these stupendous squares.
chocolate-frosted, dark chocolate ganache-drizzled, toasted coconut sprankled
tall blocks of sweet coconutty grahamtastical terrificness.
you do want to have some of these at your next party, people.
here's how to make that happen:
preheat the oven to 360F.
grease and flour a 9" x 9" pan.
in a medium bowl, combine:
1 cup sugar (pref. coconut sugar, but whatever, man);
1 stick (8T) vegan butter;
3 T vegan creamchee';
1 tsp vanilla paste;
1/2 tsp salt;
-cream all that into one smooshed moosh,
and stir in:
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce;
-get that all muddy in the mix,
1 cup crushed coconut;
1 cup flour;
1 cup graham flour;
1/4 cup tapioca flour;
2 tsp bakey powder;
1 tsp bakey soda;
3/4 cup coconut milk (the carton kind, although the can stuff would probably rock, too)
mix it roughly, until all the ingredients are one cohesive batter-
spread it out evenly,
and bake it for 30 minutes.
cool it completely on a wire rack,
frost it with your own homemade chocolate goodness-
that tub'o'stuff at the supermarket is SO gross, buddy.
melt up some chocolate chips, coconut milk, and vanilla,
with a few spoonfuls of powdered sugar,
and when it's all soft and smooth and spreadable?
put it in a plastic baggie, with a small slice in one of the corners,
and drizzle that deep dopeness all over the F*ing place.
that's the stuff.
and DO NOT stop there.
rules is rules,.
y'gotta activate those toasted coconut sprankles, too!
on the ones-
too much is the right amount.
so don't go getting lazy in the homestretch.
just take a look at what you get once you slice it all up into squares:
and the'y're small, so they slide down s'smoooooooth!!
there's not a single generic tattoo idea, in a street shop studio,
in this remote mountain vale that can conquer my mood.
not after i take down a few of these babies.
and that's no joke.
it's all really happening, that's true,
but the treats are what really make most of it manageable.
i'm grateful for the privileges i have,
and for the opportunity not to stand in the rain, laboring manually,
for minimal gains, and fewer dollars.
i don't dispute that i'm lucky,
i'm just noting that i'm also cognizant of the limits of that good fortune.
cake squares, however, know NO limits, and that's the TRUTH.
....and there's a traffic situation.
all roads have been rerouted leading into town,
and that means the studio is largely getting bypassed by almost every car
headed northwards into the woodsly goodness.
looking out at a ghost town street is a great mood-setter in-between appointments.
nothing says optimism like rainy days, sunless skies, and an empty road.
i guess we're getting a brand new bridge.
that'll make heading out of town a whole lot easier form here on out;
never quiet, never soft.....