Tuesday, April 4


real maple syrup.
that's the stuff.
don't ever front on me, and bring that weak b!tchsap to the table.
on the ones,
a sucka might get catch a slap for that.
the real real stuff?
heck yeah.
that's what's up.
and right now, in northern new england,
it's sugaring season,
which means we've got that freshie-fresh everywhere,
and it'd almost be a damned shame if we weren't making the most 
of this distilled sweet sugar-house hottness.
i know i'm participating.
in fact,
i'm representing treeblood SO HARD right now.
y'know what i like the flavor of?
y'know what else?
y' know what else-else?
maple F*ing syrup.
c'mon man.
that one was a gimme.
i don't like to stay out of the kitchen for too long,
i also mean that in the 'can't stand the heat' way, too.
but, for practically applicable purposes,
i mostly mean that i need more cake in my life.
...and if i'm not gonna make it, then who is?
i'd hoped that repeated gestures of genuine and general generosity
would inspire my 'colleagues' to get into the spirit of active participation.
in this instance, it has only elicited a sense of entitlement,
and an expectation to receive,
without ever giving back even so much as half a sh!t.
.....and i'm disappointed, dudes.
i do the things i do, because that's what i think is the right thing.
but, i'm still a person with feelings an' that.
for realsies,
a little appreciation goes a long way.
and still, i bring the treats,
if only to impress my clients with another 'nother example
of competency and capability,
and to maybe give a firsthand sample of compassionate culinary creativity
to folks who don't expect to be provided with snacks,
let alone vegan magical ones...
that's how it is around here, so that's how it goes around here.
i made a cake.
it used three apples.
it used cinnamon.
and naturally, it used real new hampshire maple syrup.
check it out:

yum yum YUM.
you may want to have some of this.
if so,
i suggest you strap in, because it'll blow your mind,
and knock your socks off.
here's the 411:
3/4 cup sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 stick + 2 T butterish;
2 tsp vanilla;
1 tsp cinnamon;
1/4 tsp nutmeg;
dash of ginger;
^mashed into one cohesive mass,
2 apples, peeled, cored, and minced;
3/4 cup non-dairy yogurt;
2 1/3 cups of a.p. flour,
sifted with 2 T cornstarch;
2 tsp bakey powpow;
1 tsp bakey soda;
1/4 cup dark maple syrup;
1 cup non-dairy milk.
whisk and whip that together, by hand,
to keep those knobbly apple bits all a-chunkin',
and add the batter to two greased and floured 9" round cake pans.
here's the thing-
slice another 'nother apple, and radially arrange it on the bottom of one of those jauns.
now, when you bake it, for 33 minutes, at 360F,
one of those cakes has flippably fresh apples on 'top'.
when they're out of the oven,
and cooled for 5 or so minutes,
turn 'em out onto a wire rack to cool completely,
before you frost 'em up.
2 cups powdered sugar;
4 T vegan butts;
2 1/2 T vegan creamchee;
cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger;
maple exxxtract;
3 T maple syrup;
1-3 T non-dairy milk, depending on consistency.
whisk that in a mixer or with a hand mixer, or whatever,
and get ready,
because it's SO DOPE.
and just to turn it up a bit, like, all the way to eleven,
like i am wont to do so often,
i  even hit it off with some cinnamon and sugar sprankles.
the apple's juice dissolved it everywhere but on the crumb.
and that's pretty.
...and pretty tastes better.
at least, it does if it would've been delish when it was ugggggly.
that's a thing
that's a lotta apple.
and a lotta cinnamon.
and it's pretty effin' sweet.
and very soft and spongy.
and despite apples being more of an autumnal thing?
it tastes like spring.
well, as a matter of fact-
it IS snowing again.
nature wins one more time.
it's fine.
i'm making macaroons.
why not use the exxxpensive ingredients for these ingrates?
it's almost like i'm trying to make myself angry.
we'll see how the day unfolds,
and if these coconutty nubs can overpower the pure sh!t of a terrible tuesday.
my fingers are crossed, and i'm feeling cross;
never quiet, never soft.....

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