Monday, April 17


easter came and went,
with minimal contact with the outside world.
i bumped into a few other dog walkin' weekenders on the roadways
of this woodsly neighborhood,
and beau jogged by on his way to enhanced physical stamina,
but mostly,
it was crabtree and i.
that terrible terrier, who i also believe may be an atheist,
as i implored him, for the love of god,
not to be such a feisty F*ing battlehammer barbarian all freakin' day...
but he was unmoved.
so i had a hard-styled day, in hot weather, with a wearisome and warlike
bull-headed shark-bullet,
wherein i made the most of my surprise day-off times,
although, it turned out that time had other ideas-
the dog and i did what we do,
and that included operating at high speed and high intensity at high volume,
but, for all the loud, fresh, hardness for our faces that the day contained,
the highlight happened pretty early, and remained unsurpassed all afternoon.
just because i got a pair of new small-circle dozen-of-donut pans,
i took full advantage,
in total all-out too much is the right amount fashion.
how many donuts?
ALL the donuts!
check the basically-circle-muffins-type teleport:

i made five dozen miniature cake donuts.
five DOZEN.
wordimus prime-
that's sixty mutha-flippin' rings of nutmeg and vanilla and butter and sugar.
half were o.g. cakes,
and the other half had cocoa stirred in,
for a fair and equal share of chocolate cakey bake-ups.
^^^^look at 'em!
 that's powdered sugary agave-accented 'honey'-glaze on some.
and melted dark chocolate ganache on others.
strawberry powder icing and blueberry powder icing both showed up, too.
and powdered sugar.
and stripes of everything,
and sprankles.
always sprankles.
rules is rules.
and you know i had some easter-grass-and-egg-styled jauns.
site-specificity and seasonal propriety are always on the menu,
even during the holidays i don't go all-the-way-crazy for...
because i still go all-the-way-crazy for DONUTS!
the downside?
they're cake donuts.
baked ones.
so the smooth fried fluff of the vastly-superior yeast-risen ones
was noticeably not present in these heavy d's.
also, i s'pose you need a donut pan to make 'em, too.
i figured a single batch of the recommended recipe makes around a couple dozen,
(more like a couple and a half)
so i got two of 'em, so i wouldn't have to wait...
i even used the recipe on the cardboard they were packed in!
i did!!
i veganized it,
and modified it to suit my needs,
but, still-
i was already fresstyling it by the second batch, with the chocolate an' that.
you wanna make 'em?
suit yourself.
1 1/2 cup flour;
1 tsp bakey pow 1/2 tsp bakey soda;
1/2 cup sugar;
1/4 tsp salt;
4 T melted butts;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/2 cup non-dairy milk;
1 T egg replacer + 3 T HOT water;
4 T cocoa (optional)
that's it, dudes.
all the dry, plus the butterish,
followed by milkish and egglessness,
and that vanilla.
spread it around and bake it at 350F for 12 minutes,
in that slippery donut pan,
and you've got sloppy muffiny cake bombs.
man, i'm sure glad i got two of these pans to likely never-ever use again!
here's the thing, tho, kids-
they're small, so they go down quick, and smooth,
and you can eat a LOT before you even notice how many have transmuted themselves
into low self-esteem and bellyaches within your body!
i couldn't NOT try one of each style.
i mean, what am i?
an A*-hole?
and so it goes.
more of everything all the time.
i wasted time yesterday.
not on purpose.
by accident.
a minor maladjustment ruined hours of work.
i sculpted a few heads, for the first time in months,
in anticipation of making something new and exciting.
sylvan wodengeists are kind of my thing.
that's woodsly goodsly forest spirits, bro.
and the ones i just made were poised to become something worth a damn.
check the pre-bake-type teleport:

there's a catch.
-there always is-
the polymer clay i used shouldn't be cured-up with gas heat,
not is it recommended for use in your everyday oven,
as it gives off toxic fumes.......
so instead i used my purpose-purchased toaster oven,
the size of the models was a bit off,
and the distance between heater coil and face was reduced by an inch.
which, in turn, pretty much amped up the smoky plastic toxin attack to eleven,
whilst simultaneously scorching the sh!t out of half of each face.
F*ing hell, dudes.
this is what happens......when you suck:

womp womp.
looks like these guys are getting the big paint treatment.
it's the only proven method of uncrapulating blackened crap like that.
if i'd have known that,
i'd only have used one color clay for everything,
instead of blending tones like a jerk all afternoon.
of course, if i'd known i'd F* it up,
i'd probably just NOT have done so.
and now it's down to this.
finding MORE hours to maybe make these minis into something magical,
all over again.
i could start over.
that's true.
certainly, the next time a few spare hours just pops up out of nowhere,
i just might do.
in the meantime,
i'm over here wondering what kind of nail polish can make those pearly teeth
look pearly all over again.
these are the thoughts that occupy my time away from the stove or my tattoo station.
it's all really happening,
or mishappening, as the case may be;
never quiet, never soft.....

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