Friday, April 28


i had a busy day full of star wars fans and funny ladies,
and all of them seemed, at face value anyway, to be good-hearted people.
that almost never happens.
what i mean is- i had an alright day with some nice folks.
chatting about all the nerdiest stuff, with a whole group of nerds
is just about the second or third best way i can imagine spanning a day.
y'know what's even better?
talking about food.
that's no joke,
and when it comes to food, there's a special place for reallllly good coffee cake.
i'm serious.
coffee cake in general is pretty expert.
great coffee cake?
that's the big action that takes breakfast to eleven from the very first bite.
word up.
i catch feels over coffee cake.
that's a true story.
the sorta grainy, sorta soft, sorta firm crumb is what's up.
and streusel?
if you ever have the option to add stresuel,
you totally should.
you want to see what i'm speaking on?

but was it bangin' off the meter?
of course, and more importantly,
it STILL is.
(i didn't eat the whole cake, take it easy)
the creamchee' blops on top? s'smart!
the brown sugar and  oatmeal cookie crumble streus'??
and the jammie-slammie slap of berry treasures in the center?
it's got all the right moves, in all right places, to make mornings all alright.
....until it's gone,
and then everything will be sadder and grayer and worse.
but for now, the world is amazing, and so is this cake!!
how does cake like this happen?
mostly, by throwing all the stuff into a bowl and strirring.
you wanna know what stuff?
sure, here y'go:
let's begin with the berry filling:
1 1/2 cups frozen raspberries,
warmed in a small pot with lemon zest;
2 T seedless raspberry jam;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup powdered sugar;
add cornstarch to the liquid, slurry it, and stir the sh!t out of it,
keeping it wet, and not gummy.
that's a by-eye adjustment, but i believe in you.
start with a tsp of starch,
and see if that does the trick,.
let it chill out off the heat while we do the next thing...
in a medium bowl, combine:
1 stick + 2 T vegan butter;thicken,
3 T vegan creamchee';
1/4 cup sugar;
3/4 cup dark brown sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 tsp vanilla.
^thoroughly cream it up, making sure the creamchee' is completely incorporated^
then stir in:
3/4 cup unsweetened non-dairy yogurt;
(or sweetened if that's all you've got,
but the unsweetened stuff has that coffee-cakey-grandma-style tang to it)
add 2 1/2 cups a.p. flour;
1 T cornstarch;
1/4 cup tapioca starch;
2 tsp baking powpow;
1 tsp baking soda;
and 1 cup of non-dairy milk + 1 T lemon juice.
hand-fold all of that together, barely combining it all witgh over-mixing,
and pour half in a greased and floured cake pan.
i used my big big one, because i like big big ones,
but you could go taller with a smaller one, or even rectangular.
...i definitely don't care what you decide, but make a decision, so we can keep going.
put the razzles in next, spread out across the surface, and maybe pressed in a bit,
to prevent the second half of the batter from turning pink when you try to spread it out.
that's a good idea, but, do it however you want.
and once you've cake surrounding fruit, stacked on top of itself?
it's time to activate the even more expert part.
4-5 T vegan butter;
1/4 cup brown sugar;
3 T powdered sugar;
1/4 cup oat flour;
2 T a.p. flour;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 cup thick-rolled oats.
^mash that together until it looks like a chunky cookie batter,
(it should readily stick together when squeezed)
and liberally spread it out on top of your new favorite treat.
i could've stopped there,
and had something to excite my mouth with all morning.
....if i was a diaperbabyish weakling.
i couldn't stop.
because too much is the right amount.
therefore, creamchee' blops were very necessary, broski.
and i'm glad i did it, as they've got that last little something special,
not in every bite,
but as an exxxtra treat every so often among the outstanding chee'less bites
bake it at 360∘F, for upwards of 40 minutes.
i mean, go less if you're using shallow pans, like maybe 33 minutes?
the big big took 45 total, and the toppings turned golden and amazing
while the heat worked it's way deep withing the rest.
cool it, flip it out of your pan, and if you've done it right,
your streusel has completely adhered to the crumb,
while the liquid from the berries has created an airy, spongy,
somewhat sticky middle, and all of it is golden and glistening.
cut a slice when it's stopped being hot,
and then lose your mind over what you've made and how good it is,
before immediately having another,
and then another 'nother slice.
after a long day of work, with all those nerds and ladies,
i got home to my dog,
and we played and played and played and played.
crabtree needed attention, he was insistent on it.
i was feeling especially affectionate,
perhaps because of all the coffeecake coursing through my body,
and so we bounced and ran and bumped and rolled all through the halls,
and along the floors of our Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
i would've never guessed that a greedy, needy, heedless alligator shark-bullet
could improve my nights so gosh-danged much.
he is just about the happiest little idiot in the woodsly goodness,
and he's got the attitude i need to adopt more of.
he loves food, he loves exercise, and he loves people.
in that regard, he has by far surpassed his master,
no foolin'.
i'll bet i could learn a thing or two from this little dummy.
who'd have thought i'd be writing about a pet?
if you knew me back when, you'd know precisely how much things have changed.
and if you're new here,
it turns out i F*ing LOVE DOGS.
not all of them, just the cool ones.
...and while i know you think your dog is cool,
i'll be the judge of that;
never quiet, never soft.....

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