Thursday, April 13


it's not coincidence if you orchestrate it.
if you don't put away the waffle iron,
there's a decent chance you'll be reminded of waffles
every time you walk by it.
and i didn't even want dinner, duders,
but i ended up representing on some non-traditional,
yet still molto molto expert wonderwaffle wizardry anyway.
shoutouts to supper echoing breakfast.
i had an idea.
it wasn't a brand new one,
but it was a damned good one....
it hit me when i got home from the far-away weirdie store,
which i drove to through the deepest thickest suckiest daytime fog.
rainy, doo-doo buttery day-off awfulness wasn't going to stop me from
going after more of that bamboo rice, at the last place i found it.....
of course,
it's the far-away weirdie store, and they have absolutely no guaranteed stock-
so, unfortunately, it's likely gone for good, 
and i effed up a chunk of my afternoon taking the trip.
but i didn't come back empty handed, guys.
you should know better than to think i'd be completely defeated.
that dirty store is full of other other weird sh!t, 
and i'm not trying to miss out on interesting weirdie food opportunities.
i've even got another 'nother big idea germinating for creating vegan roe, 
to activate on top of some sushi.
i plan my days around what i'm going to eat.
that's no joke.
and when i get a notion into my noggin,
there's no stopping it from infiltrating and incubating inside my mind,
until actions are taken and results are produced.
i don't know if that sounds cool to you or not,
but maybe try living like that for a bit, 
and you'll see that it isn't all that amazing.
for really real, tho, neighbors-
obsessing about dinner is a weird way to spend your day.
back to these ideas.
i thought i'd have to have waffles, again.
that's it.
waffle wednesday.
it's a thing.
i whipped up a savory herbed cornbread circle,
AND some chik'n-fried nashville-style seitan.
i told you, it's a damned good idea.
check out the teleport:
the waffle situation was spot on.
the seitan?
crispy outsides, and juicy insides and spicy like a sunovagun.
you wanna make a cornbread waffle?
i bet you do,
here's how it's done:
1/2 cup flour;
1/3 cup cornmeal;
1/4 tsp salt;
2 T melted vegan butter;
1/2 tsp bakey powder;
1/2 tsp bakey soda;
1/2 cup + 2 T non-dairymilk;
cracked black pepper, GPOP. sage, parsley, 
and a dash of ground mustard.
^ that's it.
mix it up, adjust the liquid if necessary,
and make a mo'-F*in' waffle, man.
it doesn't have to be insanely complicated to taste insanely good.
that seitan, tho.
that's the big business.
when it's prepared like a pro, the end product is the TRUTH.
how do we do that?
y'gotta drain it, squeeze it, and poke fork holes all through out it.
because you're gonna soak it for an hour in pickle brine, bro.
...i happened to use the last of a jar of dill discs, \
and i took that opportunity to dunk a couple slabs in the sauce,
and let 'em marinate in all that tasty juice!
and while they soaked,
i combined;
1 T flour;
1 T cornstarch;
1 tsp cayenne;
1/2 tsp smoked paprika;
1/2 tsp hot paprika;
1/2 tsp sweet paprika;
cracked black pepper;
Garlic Powder and Onion Powder;
a little pinchy-pinch of that sexxxy pink salt;
and a handful of well-crushed cornflakes,
all together in shallow bowl, to dredge and bread and otherwise coat
my succulent seitan slices for maxxximum fry-up crunchiness.
and when they've been crisped up on both sides while shallow fried in hot oil,
you'd do well to take a tablespoon of ho'sauce, a tsp of vegan butter, 
and a tsp of cayenne, and heat 'em all up together, to glaze those crunchy crusts
with even MORE furious fuego for your face!!!!
too much is the right amount,
and MORE hottness is always what we need.
don't be dumb.
nashville jauns get the pickles,
rule is rules.
and how about that gravy?
i love gravy.
this one was especially thick.
i guess my roux was even more righteous than i'd guessed.
it made my beige blops the best i've had in a while...
i love it when that happens.
parsley sprankles are key here too.
a pop of color keeps all that earth-toned tastiness form looking lame.
i wouldn't want that.
you wouldn't want that.
i even added that superslaw for my jaw to prevent that.
carrot, pink radicchio, purple cabbage, green cabbage, parsley, and pea shoots,
with a slap of vegenaise, and a shot of salt and pepper....
i want the pretty plates, friends.
...and i want pretty food on 'em.
there are worse things than a rainy day off.
much much worse things.
i spent a great deal of time with crabtree.
he loved it.
i like it a little.
we made the most of our time,
and we both slept hard for a change.
turns out, 
investing undivided attention in your terrible terrier 
makes him slightly less terrible.
that's really good news for rainy days spent holed-up with injured limbs,
but regrettable information for most every other one, tho.
we thrive on attention, he and i,
we are an awful lot alike in our awfulness.
he's a handsome musclebound moron that the ladies loooooove,
and i'm certainly not any of that.
that's the best and worst news i've ever reported.
but it's all really happening,
and that's the whole point;
never quiet, never soft.....

No comments: