Thursday, April 27


the big b.
my favorite.
brekkie in effect.
y'gotta break yo'self on the B, buddy.
maybe not every day,
unless of course you're a lumberjack-
i mean, rules is rules, y'feel me?
but, if you're a moderately active morning person,
or a barely awake brunchtime butthead,
a big b is key to making the day better than it would've been otherwise.
that's real.
big breakfasts are for heroes.
and i'm over here trying to be heroic.
specifically with my waffle iron.
that's no joke.
check the teleport:

peeled carrot and parsnip, finely shaved red onion,
and one big, fat, peeled chef's white potato-
grated, salted, drained, squeezed, and fired onto a well-greased
(and exxxtra-buttered) hot waffle iron.
y'gotta squeeze the ever-livin' sh!t out of it tho,
or it won't get crispy, just sort of wet, and that's not invited to the big b, bro.
black pepper and pink salt and vegan butter and time.
you need a waffle iron if you've not got one,
let's start there, and work our way up.
if you've got one?
you need the hashies to get browned up with dents in them.
real talk.
it's expert AF.
........and with verrrry ripe avocado, ho'sauce (texas pete is my dude),
pea shoots, fried tomatoes, AND cashew cream?!
get right up on it, and peep game on the hottness:

that's that sh!t that goes super-upgrade-style, off the charts,
to eleven.
now, just imagine if that was all there was.
that'd be tasty,
but not worthy of the BIG in big b, right?
damned straight.
which is precisely why there are those epic buckwheat breakfast crepes,
in an unleavened semi-ploye-style,
keeping it all-the-way awesome and in keeping with the prime directive:
too much is the right amount.
^oh, hell yes, it really IS.
half a cup of a.p. flour;
a handful of buckwheat flour;
a spoonful of sugar;
a spoonful of crushed chia/flaxmeal;
a dash of salt;
and roughly the same amount of non-dairy milk.
(you will need to add a bit more once the binders thicken up.
i mixed all mine in a measuring cup, and had the spout already ready for pouring
onto the piping hot, very gently greased pan i spun them around on.
y'ever made a crepe?
you should,
they're fun.
how do we make them better than just slightly-greenish flat pancakes?
we fill the F* out of 'em with alllll the hottness, obvi.
don't be dumb, man.
we're on a mission to make the big b a worthy saga for the children an' sh!t.
grilled tofu?
griddles are dope, gas ranges are dope, and tofu?
well, tofu is super dope.
scrambo was skipped, tho, bro.
i went chunky, with salt, pepper, GPOP, and a little sweet onion,
and what i ended up with was A+, for sure.
combined with tasty veggies, cashew cream and ho'sace?
i had myself a freakin' expert munch-up, without a doubt.
what veg?
oh, i'll tell you:
mushrooms, cooked thoroughly to prevent sliminess, which i don;t dig, at all.
broccoli florets;
asparagus spears, chopped and lowered;
black beans with a little bit of nootch;
caramelized sweet onion, and softened red onion;
there's even a little popeye jr. too-
yep. baby spinach on the over-under;
i tossed in a few of those blackened sweet baby tomatoes.
oh how i DO so love a blackened tomato.
in fact,
i pronounce it toe-mah-toe when i make them,
since those guys seem to get freaky with 'em in the a.m. pretty frequently.
oil, tomatoes, halved, cut side down, heat.
that's the whole technique in one sentence.
the breakfast game was crucial, as a one-fingered salute to the weather.
rain, rain, go away, y'know?
i'm not a fan of daytime rain.
nighttime rain?
now that's a whole other story.
pitters and patters on my metal rooftop?
so nicey-nice.
but, during the productive hours of brightness?
it's not know for really making me too happy-
being wet, and not seeing any sunshine,
and wishing i had better light to look at my food with......
i have so few joys in this corporeal world.
just give me a dry, bright wednesday, y'know?
it's all really happening-
under all conditions-
under all circumstances-
heroic breakfasts powering villainous days.
that's how it goes sometimes;
never quiet, never soft.....

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